Pressures for Catholic wedding

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I think you shouldn't compromise on this. I'm usually a fan of compromise or avoiding conflict, but the ceremony is one place where you need to think about what you and your future spouse wants.

I don't think a catholic church will even marry you unless your FS converts, and that's just such an unnecessary hassle. Tell your parents God will be in the room no matter where your wedding takes place (if you believe that) and hope for the best. I suspect they won't let this cause them to miss your wedding.

“Mom I’m sorry but it doesn’t line up with our wishes for the wedding to have it in a church. I hope you and dad are able to understand and respect that.”

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this stress! My heart goes out to you. Have you told your mom your concerns and reasoning behind not having a Catholic wedding?
You need to do what's best for you and FS. From what you wrote, it sounds like a Catholic wedding is the opposite of what's best. You shouldn't have to put such a financial burden on yourself to hold a Catholic ceremony, especially when it can bring back such bad memories.

Do what is best for you and your fiance! I have had pressure to have a Catholic wedding too, but it is expensive and I am on a strict budget too. I am sorry that your parents don't want to come to celebrate your day however you choose to spend it.

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Wrong. A couple can be married in a Catholic church without the non Catholic spouse converting.

Can you try to compromise? My FH and I are not religious. I was raised in the Catholic church and had religious education classes and got confirmed, but I no longer practice at all. My FH has been to church maybe 20 times in his life. My mom is very religious. She told me that she was devastated when she found out I wasn't getting married in my hometown church. She has since gotten over it, but asked us to compromise. We'll be having a Bible reading during the ceremony and a "blessing" before dinner. Coincidently, our officiant who's a friend of FH's from work, is a retired minister (different branch of Christianity). This was unplanned, but definitely made my mom feel better. There's plenty of ways to incorporate Catholicism into your wedding without having the ceremony in a church.

Barring that, it's your and your fiance's wedding. Go with what makes the most sense for you.

Have the wedding you want, but I'm confused by the statement "it's possible but it's not a money maker"

Do you somehow expect to get more money out of this than you are putting in?

What is your budget and what other kinds of venues are you looking at? As a compromise with your parents, can a priest marry you at a non-church venue? If you can't have a Catholic ceremony, what about a blessing, prayer, or religious reading?

If you're parents are not paying for the wedding, they aren't really entitled to any say at all.

View Quoted Comment Exactly this.

We we’re married at our venue by DH’s BIL (he officiated another brother’s wedding). My super religious grandmother was my biggest concern when we decided on a non church wedding. She never batted an eye. Told me she wanted whatever we wanted. We were able to design our ceremony how we wanted (actually BIL wrote whole ceremony and we didn’t hear it until in the moment). He included a short reading. I also asked my grandmother to do a blessing before dinner. Your wedding should be what you want (as long as it’s properly hosted).

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Lather rinse repeat. If mom has a problem, oh well. Religion, or lack of religion, is very very personal to each couple. Why would she pressure you to have a ceremony you don't want?

Maybe you need to look at different Catholic churches if you do really want to do this. At my Catholic church we met with the priest to set the date, it is a donation in terms of fee, and all we had to do was meet with him twice.
Make your parents pay if they really want it. Alternately you can have a priest come bless your marriage. My sister did this - got married in one domination of a church but the Catholic priest came and blessed their marriage.

This sucks, I'm sorry. I'm personally not having a Catholic ceremony because I'm pretty agnostic (my mother refuses to believe that though), and FH is atheist. You said you're transient, meaning you don't currently belong to any parish? In that case, would you be willing to have a completely nondenominational ceremony by a JP, or a civil ceremony in a courthouse, or do you truly want a Catholic ceremony? If that's not really what you want regardless of cost, can you have that conversation with your parents?

Oh my. My heart goes out to you. Please don't do anything you aren't comfortable with let alone cant afford. It really bothers me that catholic churches would charge that much. I am a Christian so I definitely don't agree with the catholic way, but with that being said I would never push that on my children if they wanted something different.

My advice, do what you want. It is YOUR wedding. Your mother will show. You are her daughter. People will get over it. The right people that support you and your marriage will be there! Good luck!!

Is your mom paying for your wedding? If you are willing to compromise, the compromise for me would be we will get married in a church only if my parents covered the cost. Do you really think they won't come? They may say that, but when push comes to shove, they should be able to suck it up and be there for you. My parents are Catholic and my fiance and I are agnostic so there was no way I was going to get married in a church. When my dad asked me about it, I just said no, and that was the end of the conversation. He was there. However, if it really makes you uncomfortable (which it sounds like this is more than just money), then definitely stick to your guns and say no. It will be their loss if they miss their daughter's wedding for such a stupid reason. It's your wedding and the ceremony is the most important part of the wedding. Your parents shouldn't dictate what you do, especially if they aren't paying.

I didn't read all the comments, but my church doesn't charge a fee to get married there. Just a donation the the priest(which isn't a set amount) and the cost of the musicians. To get married outside the church you do need permission, granted by the bishop.
If you don't like the church closest to you, go to some others near you and see if you like them, contact the church office and see what the fees are for that church.
Some near me charge $1,000 if you're not a member but are free (or close to) if you are.
The choice is up to you, and FH, but not all church wedding have to cost an arm and a leg. And if you are will to compromise looking at other places could be worth your while.
Maybe start with your parents church if it is close.

I'm having by ceremony in church cos my FH insist and I'm fine with it but it's free. Tell your parents you can't afford it. Unless they are willing to pay

Growing up Catholic, I have NEVER heard of Catholics having church in their home. That's kind of against what they believe. That said, if you don't want to get married in a church, don't! If it's not important to you to get married in a church you don't even belong in, why are you doing it? Especially if it is going to cost you more money. If your parents choose not to come, that's their problem, not yours. It is your wedding, and you should not feel uncomfortable on your wedding. If you aren't comfortable doing it at a church, then don't do it at church. It's a MORTAL sin, not moral. But I'd say just don't do it at a church. This doesn't have to be a hard decision. You will not be happy if you do it this way to please someone else. Good luck my dear.

You need to have a ceremony you're comfortable with and is meaningful for you, however that looks. H's family is super-Catholic, we had a completely secular ceremony. I give not one tenth of a crap what any of them thought about it because our ceremony was authentic and meaningful to us and that's what was important.

Are your parents paying? If so, I'd decline the money and have the wedding you want guilt-free. We were fully prepared to decline the money H's family offered us if they pushed the church ceremony issue at all.

It depends where you reside. I like in southern California and having a Catholic ceremony at our local church. Yes there was fees but our madrina de honor is helping us cover that fee. There was a few classes and retreats that fh and I had to attend. Very informing as well. Do what you feel is right. Your day!

If you aren’t comfortable with having your ceremony in a church, don’t. You want your wedding day to be one of happy memories not of anxiety. And it is quite complicated to get approval for having a Catholic wedding outside of a Church. And if the churches near you charge a lot, it’s probably a combination of the space rental and the officiant fees. In a place where property taxes are higher, the church fee is probably higher too.

I'm sorry you're feeling pressure to have a church wedding. My FH & I are in the same boat; I was raised Catholic, he's not. I no longer practice and actually have a lot of issues with the church & told my VERY Catholic parents that I didn't want a religious wedding before I was even engaged. Unfortunately, they're not taking it well, and I was told they'll only be involved if it's A) In a Catholic Church or B) A Catholic ceremony on the beach by their new house in Florida. I did agree to look into those options, but I'm really against a church wedding and finding a priest to do a Catholic ceremony outside a church is nearly impossible, especially when one spouse isn't Catholic.

FH's family has been very supportive and told us we should do what's right for us, which is the plan. But I totally understand your frustration with the process and the COST. If the Catholic wedding is really that important to your parents, would they pay for it? If not, it's really not their call here. Do what's best for you and your fiance.

Best of luck to you & your fiance!