Priest wants my fiancé to be confirmed?

Do you mean that your FH isn’t a practicing Catholic? Also, it’s a unique situation because typically someone who received their first communion would’ve received their confirmation as well. I think your priest is probably requiring it since both of you are getting married in the Church and his understanding is that you both are practicing Catholics. I would clarify this to him and just explain your FH’s faith and where he stands.
However, I think since your FH is a baptized Catholic and you are both getting married in the Church he would have to be confirmed... but it just depends on your diocese and really, your priest and your situation.
As for not wanting a mass, it is possible to be married in the Church without having a mass and it is still valid. However, to my understanding there has to be a good reason to opt to not have a mass. For example, a Catholic marrying a non Catholic, a priest not being available and only a deacon or a special dispensation from the bishop. Is there a specific reason for not wanting to do a mass?

Unfortunately I lot of this stuff is up to each priest. It depends on how struck he is with the rules.

That's just the one priest.

I'm not Catholic. I'm not baptized. I'm not even a recognized religion. FH is Catholic. We're going through pre-cana, he has to get a dispensation, but we're fully intending to get married in the Catholic church. I will not be converting, baptized, confirmed... any of that.

There's no rule saying you can't get married, just a priest deciding *he* won't do it.

(...Yes, I still have issues with this.)

View Quoted Comment This sounds like really great information and leads me to think that maybe you should schedule a session with the priest you have asked to conduct your marriage. I don’t think you have to make a big deal of anything but I would describe what sacraments you both have done, what you feel comfortable with (for example your FH doesn’t sound comfortable getting confirmed) and asking what the next steps would be in terms of continuing with your marriage with that priest at that church. I would just be very clear with him. If he isn’t comfortable marrying you maybe you could suggest another priest or church in your area.

To be married in the Catholic church, one of you has to be fully Catholic. Baptistism, Communion, and Confirmation must be completed to be fully Catholic. So if you are fully Catholic, I dont think your fiance has to be confirmed. But it would make things easier.

I had a similar issue, I’m also catholic and confirmed but FH is just baptized. We decided to get married in a non denominational church (it is Christian based but they welcome all faiths, same sex marriages) so i got the church but without all the loops the Catholic Church makes you go through.

I think if you are both catholic (and yes you both are even if non practicing) you need to be confirmed in order to be married. If one of you was not catholic then that person obviously would not be confirmed but the one of you that was catholic would need to be.
This is my understand and could be what your priest was trying to say. You may want to have another conversation with him.

Getting married through the Catholic Church is a sacrament, so you would need your baptism, first communion and confirmation done before you can get married. Some priests can offer you a “blessing” which wouldn’t be a mass and not considered a sacrament either (meaning it wouldn’t be counted as being married through the church).

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View Quoted Comment As Colleen said, a lot of this is up to the Priest. I’m assuming your FH doesn’t want to get confirmed (which I understand completely as a non-practicing catholic who got first communion but was never confirmed). You can always talk to your priest about it more, but chances are the answer will still be no. I would looking for a different officiant (as a back up as the very least) or a different priest.

My brother got married in a catholic church with a quick 30 minute ceremony, and his wife is a baptist, and hasn't practiced for years. The priest was understanding, and allowed it. (We are also close friends with him so this may have been in our favor). Just express your feelings and see if the priest is willing to do so with FH not being a member of the church.

This depends on your diocese because unfortunately they aren’t all in agreement, but I know where I live the priests will refuse marriages unless both the bride and groom are confirmed “official adult” Catholics and they also require pre-Cana here. Ask other priests at other parishes or if you have another diocese nearby, ask them. But unfortunately it may be a no from everyone.

This will have to be an area that you and FH find a compromise or figure out which is more important: getting married in the church or not compromising religious choices. It is your priest's church, so I don't see a lot wrong with his request...mainly because I view Catholicism as being a very old school traditional religion. However, try explaining your situation to the priest and go from there...he may change his mind, if he understands the circumstances a little better.

If your FH has done the first two sacraments, then he is a catholic and has to get confirmed before the sacrament of marriage. You can’t skip that. That’s how it works with sacraments in the Catholic Church. If you both are not “practicing Catholics” and he doesn’t want to get confirmed, why bother getting married in a Catholic Church.
Another option would be to get married as a non- Catholic, have the mass with the Eucharist...but that would be weird since you both are technically Catholics.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, he doesn’t want to. And I don’t feel right about him doing it just so we can get married in the church. I’ve always pictured myself getting married in a church, but now I’m thinking it’s just a bunch of work to do for a ceremony. Luckily we still have a year to decide... so we’ll go through pre-cana and i’ll Decide afterwards.

View Quoted Comment It sounds like she really wants a Catholic wedding.

Like other PP's have said, it depends on the priest. You can talk to him about it, but don't be shocked if he says your FH has to get confirmed or he won't marry you. You can then ask other priests etc, but again don't be shocked if no one will marry you in the Catholic Church.

How you bring it up - "Hi priest, FH and I discussed and he really doesn't want to get confirmed. Nor do we want mass. We want our marriage recognized in the church and that's about it. Are you comfortable with that and willing to marry us? Thanks"

View Quoted Comment Good luck! If a catholic wedding is part of your dream stick to your guns, you’ve got a year to convince your priest!

View Quoted Comment

But you won't be receiving communion and the service won't be a Mass correct? I think that's the major difference: you can get married in the Catholic Church, but you need to get a dispensation for the church to recognize the marriage, and the non-Catholic person can't take communion. Marriage is sacrament in the Catholic Church, so b/c of the dispensation, will the Catholic church still considered you married?

It's the Catholic church. You cannot be a member or be married in the church if you are both not officially confirmed. Yes, he has to be confirmed if you want to get married in the Catholic church. Other church categories are less strict with this. My friend is Catholic and her husband had to go through classes with the priest and be confirmed before they got married.

Edit: I know this based on my church and many churches in my area but as other people have said it depends on the church and priest. But if anything you will have to do classes with your FH, I don't think there is any way around that for Catholicism.

I’m sorry you have to go through this. Unfortunately it is easier if he wasn’t catholic altogether (not baptized) than if he’s a non-practicing catholic (which is the idea I get from your post). Even if he doesn’t attend church anymore, he’ll be considered catholic forever in the Catholic Church since he was baptized there, unless he sent a letter to the Vatican explicitly saying that he is renouncing to the catholic faith (which I know at least one religion that requests people to do
so before joining them). Unfortunately, since he is catholic, he’ll have to follow the order of the sacraments and pretty much you have to follow the priest’s recommendation, or get married elsewhere. And by elsewhere I mean other religion, because the Catholic Church is a huge entity in the world and they have guidelines that are accepted across the board and are consistent among parishes and even countries.