Probably overreacting but slightly annoyed by friend's repetitive question

In addition to the pandemic with capacity caps, you always have the right to decide your guest count. Your bridesmaids should only be your nearest and dearest bestest of friends/family, never anyone out of obligation. Your mental health is just as important as the legal caps in place right now. Do not feel pressured if she tries to bully you. Let them know you have your plans finalized and change the subject or walk away.

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Wow. I needed this. I will be firm with her if it comes up again. THANK YOU!

I don’t think you are overrated at all. I do think it’s rude for people to put pressure on couples or brides about their wedding plans. ESPECIALLY with the pandemic. What people feel comfortable doing for their wedding needs to respected.

No, you're not overreacting at all. I would have felt the same way.

Michele and Jasmine said it perfectly. I'm even annoyed just *reading* about how someone repeatedly asks you about your wedding guest list (aka if they're invited or not), which is rude on any day of any week. What she's doing is awkward, rude, and just not what you need from anyone....especially someone who *should* be really understanding and supportive about the wedding planning process...ESPECIALLY how difficult that is during a pandemic...and ESPECIALLY if y'all haven't really maintained the friendship (as it was, anyway) since you stopped seeing each other in the small group setting. Months went by between interactions...and she's harassing you about getting an invite? She basically wants you to make an exception to your family and wedding party rule for her, but yet the only interaction I'm reading about is you guys running into each other at group/pre-planned events and her bugging you? Oof.....you have a lot more patience than I do. I don't think she realizes how it's coming across, BUT one possible response would be "I'm so stressed about planning and re-planning a wedding during a pandemic. Can we please talk about something else? How have you been?" (just change the subject) You really do sound like a very kind, considerate person who always wants to see the other person's side (so...NTA). I would recommend you guard your mental space from people who are not affecting it in a positive way. She should be saying things like "I'm so sorry the pandemic messed up your initial plans...that can't be easy to downsize a wedding and re-plan it...and you're playing it smart by keeping the guest count low....but you're gonna be a beautiful bride and it's gonna be a beautiful, intimate celebration. I can't wait to see pictures afterwards!!"

No you are trying to be a nice person and NTA. That said, I don’t think it is fair to assume the worst intentions from someone who you shared in her day and was obviously excited to be a part of yours. Maybe she feels bad for your having to downsize and is trying to be optimistic that you might get your original wedding after all. Maybe she just feels like you have a strong connection, regardless of the frequency of interactions, and wants to be there for you. So many posts here are of brides that feel neglected when friends and family don’t seem interested in being part of their day.
If her question is bothering you, then agree with PP just let her know the truth- you aren’t changing plans and talking about it is stressful/painful and you want to talk about something else. Don’t let this stress you out!

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Thank you! Overall I do feel like there's a lot of pressure from ppl who mean a lot to me, but at the end of the day, you're totally right! What ppl feel comfortable doing for their wedding needs to be respected, and I shouldn't have to second-guess myself on these decisions esp when the health of others is involved.

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Thank you!

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Wow thank you! You sound so supportive and understanding of this situation. I'll admit, when I was in therapy a few years back her name came up A LOT, and I've tried to guard myself in terms of letting her affect my mental health. Yes, it would have been super nice if she was affirming and still looking forward to the livestream of the wedding instead of asking me questions about the guest count for the in-person wedding haha.

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Thank you for pointing out how she might feel and providing examples for possible reasons she has been asking about the guest count. I do think she is a very nurturing friend overall, but she can definitely stress me out haha. Even her enneagram 2 and INFJ personality type shows that she's very serious about her friendships. I was her go-to bridesmaid to rant whenever she had issues with other bridesmaids, so I was privy to a lot of her deepest emotions. She and her husband both used to think I was like her mini-me except we've gone on our own ways and haven't been there for each other over the past few years, and I think I've changed a lot.

I'll bring up that I'm not planning to change plans, esp when the wedding is in 2 months, and try to change the topic, perhaps even see what she would have done if she was the one planning a wedding during Covid haha.

"I have answered this question before, and it has not changed."

That's all you have to say.

It's your wedding, your choice. End of story. No is a complete sentence and she has no right to be upset about it.

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Perfectly straightforward, i love this. Thank you!

Update: she did not ask about my wedding guest list but in a very questionable move, was talking about how on our friend's wedding day in October she was thinking about how they grew up together and how she's seen her go in this relationship and now end up married, and then looked over to our other friend (who's single and not in a relationship), and was like "you're next."

LOL it's been almost 24 hours and I'm still scratching my head. Maybe it wasn't intentional but like... girl did you forget that someone else at our table of 4 is actually getting married.