Problematic Bridesmaid

I removed a bridesmaid from my wedding. She immediately had begun causing issues among all the girls and even wore her engagement ring from a failed relationship to try and upstage me for attention. I simply told her she was making the process harder than it needed to be and that she was more than welcome to come as a guest but I was no longer going to have her in my wedding party. She was mad of course! But at the end of the day it’s YOUR day and you need people by your side that will boost you not drag you down.

Lol her snakes. I have a friend who loves her snakes so I can understand. I think since it’s getting close to the date I’d just roll with it. Maybe talk to another bridesmaid and delegate keeping her in line during important events, making sure she’s on time, etc.

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Like, I get talking about pets and what not and I don't have anything against talking about your babies (reptiles, furry, or human), I'm guilty of talking about my void cats often. Lol but it's just how she does it, my sister in law came in for the party (she's also a bridesmaid), and she (others too) felt like problem girl was jealous of it not being about her. I've contemplated about leaving everything as is, but I just get a bad feeling in my gut because I know she'll be making comments like, "That perfumes smells soooo strong, I think it's because I'M pregnant," like just nonsense things that don't need to be said. Just anything to draw attention to her and her pregnancy. The history of all of our friendships with her has always been about her good news, her bad news, pity her and just blows off he rest of us.

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It seems like you did it in a respectful way. It's just hard to have that conversation, and I'm not even sure if I'm being dramatic, or my feelings/fears are valid in this case. That's honestly just extremely tacky she'd wear her engagement ring out of spite. I know I wouldn't have been able to handle that situation. I've brushed off my bridesmaid up until now, I just feel like she's tried to take special events away from me, and made me look bad in how she represents herself as my bridesmaid. The wedding process has been such a roller coaster that I don't even know if I have the energy to deal with her day of.

View Quoted Comment Sound alike your gut is telling you to cut her, and you should trust that feeling. But maybe an honest and caring convo with her can alleviate this issue and she can rise to the occasion.

View Quoted Comment And you shouldn’t have to feel that way! I’m the last one in my friend group to get married (aside from one who I removed from my bridal party) and I get 150% to all of them for their weddings, but sometimes it feels like I’m getting shoved aside because “their lives are so different now”, this is your wedding and you shouldn’t have to spend your day worrying about what someone is up to. I don’t think you’re dramatic at all!

*Sounds like

I had moments i was super annoyed with my bridesmaids but i never doubted wanting them by my side. however i have heard of many stories from other friends about them removing bridesmaids. and usually it does end friendships

That's so annoying, I'm sorry you're having to deal with that!
I'm having a slight issue with one of my bridesmaids as well.... She is the only one of us who is married, and because of that she has it in her mind that all weddings need to be like her wedding was... And when she tries to help it's really her offering unsolicited advice, telling me I'm not doing enough to prepare, and judging my theme/personal taste. It's just rough having to deal with the judgment from somebody you're supposed to be close with.

I had my maid of honor and one bridesmaid drop out and I removed one. My maid of honor dropped out because she was stressed even though she did literally nothing for my wedding. Found out after the fact she was badmouthing my husband because she never liked him so we aren't friends anymore. The bridesmaid dropped out because I lost my job where her and I worked together and she didn't feel comfortable being in my wedding anymore. I removed one because she kept making excuses for everything. She was supposed to go dress shopping with us and I planned the day around her schedule because she was the only one that worked weekends. I texted her the day before to confirm she would be there and she had completely forgotten and didn't even take the day off. She also told me she wasn't sure if she'd have money for a dress or even to travel to the wedding even though the wedding was 30 minutes from where she lived. She also wouldn't send me her address for me to send a save the date as she had just moved. She was also good friends with my maid of honor who dropped out and I stopped being friends with. It really sucks that people you thought you could trust and count on really aren't who you thought. I wish I would've asked one of my guy friends to be a bride's man, but I didn't want to burden him with money because he was in the process of buying a house and getting married himself.

View Quoted Comment Talking about her snakes! I'm screaming! 😂🤣


The only thing I'd add (that someone mentioned already) is that removing her would (likely) end your friendship. It'll also cause lots of drama beforehand (but if you feel relieved after it might be worth it.) Are you sure you are willing to give her up as a friend? Or is she just annoying you in the short term. (One-uppers can be difficult to be around in general. My dad and sister are both one-uppers 🙄)
Good luck!

I’m just going to respond re the inappropriate comments your friend is making, just because I think your friend generally has some bad habits which don’t relate to your wedding.

Anyhow, I can appreciate though how irritating it is that your friend is making rude comments regularly – I had a good friend of mine do something similar, the piece de resistance was when she told me that FH being deathly scared of flying was unacceptable and that our wedding present would be therapy sessions, which I held her accountable for and told her it was rude and unacceptable.

Asking someone to step down from your bridal party is generally a friendship ending move. This is something to keep in mind when you make your decision. Your friend’s comments could perhaps be incited by jealousy (even if she doesn’t realise) but I couldn’t be sure. In any event, you need to decide whether or not you are willing to walk away from this relationship, or if you are prepared to approach her about her rude comments and try repair the friendship on the basis of her refraining from such conduct in future.

Has your friend always had this personality? Some people are just clueless and scattered brained when it comes to how to behave in a social setting. If this is her as she's always been, I would just roll with it. As others have said, it will probably fracture your friendship forever. In the end only you can decide.

Not having her in the wedding would likely end the friendship. But honestly, leaving out your interpretations of this or that being jealousy ( a short term, situational thing) , it does not sound like there is anything about her you like. Is she an old friend, or a bad habit ?
I would talk to her privately, and say that for a while she annoyed you every time you saw her. Then you realized, it is nothing new. Just that you two really aren't friends anymore, and you prefer she not be in your wedding. Don't replace her. It will go over badly with the others. And only tell friends, the friendship ran its course, and you do not feel much like friends any more .

I had this same issue with one of my bridesmaids trying to upstage me. She tried to get the same dress as me but in a different color. Me and her where such good friends but with her constantly trying to steal the spot light I don't see her as such a good friend anymore. She was constantly complaining about how unfair it is that I'm having 2 bridal showers and how I it's unfair that bought an expensive dress. She is jealous because she had a shot gun wedding when she was only 19 so she really didn't get the wedding of her dreams. So anything I do for my wedding is unfair and she constantly brings up how horrible her wedding was whenever we talk about my wedding. I thought about removing her a couple of times but when she started acting like that around the rest of the bridal party and they quickly shut her up and put her in her place, I haven't had much issues with her since. So I kept her in the wedding, but I told the rest of the girls the second she starts acting up again she's gone.

I fired a bridesmaid back in July. She was very unresponsive and very particular about what she wanted to wear and how she didin't want to wear a short dress because she didn't think it was bridesmaid like. She also was unavailable to join video calls or phone call because she was too busy. My made of honor purchased a dress and after she did told us she didn't like it and wasn't going to buy it. So I had to respectfully promote her from bridesmaid to attendee of the wedding. Sometimes you have to do what you gotta do

I just wanted to thank you all for your insights, I appreciate everyone who has commented!

In the last 3 weeks I had to cut a bridesmaid. Before I asked her to be a part in my wedding, I was iffy because she's known to be flakey. But I was hoping this would be an initiative for her to show up for me so I decided to include her instead of my sister in law ( who lives far away). Since January this bridesmaid has bailed on 4 events and getting her dress was a task because after the first order she found out she's pregnant. She was also was planning the bridal shower and about a month before it was orginally planned she cancelled. So my matron had to take over (even though she was already planning the entire bachelorette party). So here we are a month before my wedding and the bridesmaid texted me at 10pm that she wasn't coming to the bachelorette party. She was my ride! I had no other way to get there besides me driving myself, alone. My matron and maid of honor was very angry because I would have to drive myself and they paid for lodging to cover everyone going. No one else had to pay for lodging. So needless to say I was very upset. I made the difficult decision to have her step down because I felt like I couldn't rely on her and she might cancel last minute to come to the wedding. And since she's pregnant and worried about Covid, it's best for her too as she doesn't have any obligations to come to the wedding and be on her feet all day and I'm not out a bridesmaid the day of. So I asked my sister in law and immediately she has stepped up. She's been amazing!! However my former bridesmaid hasn't spoken to me since and it does make me sad. I was polite with asking her to step down and still wanted her to come to the wedding but she won't communicate with me. There was a lot more going but don't want to write a novel. Lol sometimes you have to cut ties unfortunately.