Problems with bridal party

Many people don’t like group chats and don’t find them necessary. Bridesmaids are supposed to be your closest innermost circle of friends/relatives. They are not asked out of obligation. If you ask them to step down, be prepared for the friendship to be over at that point.


When you ask them to be bridesmaids no earlier than 6 months before the wedding, were you explicitly clear about your expectations of them and costs involved? Honestly, they don’t have any responsibilities beyond buying a dress, showing up to support you on the wedding day and enjoying themselves at the reception.

View Quoted Comment We were best friend since jr high we’re like family it seems like since I’ve asked they’ve been more distant. I don’t ask much of them but when I ask questions about the dresses or who’s coming to the bachelorette they leave me on seen even when I message them alone. I think I might ask them to step down and if they’d like to be guest instead, I know they have real life situations going on and there’s no hostility towards them.

Your wedding isn't for 9 + months. There's nothing they need to be doing right now. Why are you asking about the bachelorette now?

I feel like your expectations are too high. All they need to do is get a dress and show up. Bachelorettes and showers are optional, and they don't have to be hosted by the wedding party. Anyone can do it.

Kicking them out of the bridal party is going to risk losing the friendships. Aren't they too important to do that?

View Quoted Comment We started planning now for people who need to save up to pitch in for the Airbnb we’ll be renting or request time off if they need to. Also they asked to be notified ahead of time for things like that. People opted out and I don’t mind thats why we decided to plan ahead of time in order to book the Airbnb because the house we agreed on is booking pretty quickly. Since I’m diying almost everything for the wedding with my partner, I’ve started working on the wedding really early and don’t wanna sweat the bachelorette and stuff later. I’m just worried that since they’re already showing signs of flaking they’ll cop out. I just wanted to get it out the way so we have more time to enjoy the experience. I also know that they’re understanding and won’t mind if I take them off the bridal party.

Try giving them a call or text them and see if they still want to apart of the party. If they answer within 2 days you'll know if not, I'd cut them. I understand how you want to reach out to them so people can save, that's what we are doing as well.

View Quoted Comment Yea I was going to wait to see them in person since I’ll be seeing them soon. Thanks I know it’ll be hard but it’s better than paying and them not paying me back. Thanks for your advice

Before you ask them if they want to step down reach out to them about something non wedding related. Ask them how life is going or ask them to meet up for lunch. They might just feel like you only want to talk about wedding related things (I have been doing this too). I don’t think you’re expectations are too high but they might be thinking you’re prioritizing wedding stuff over their friendship. Which might not be true, but just try to communicate that with them

I do understand your frustration because the least thing they could do is be responsive in a timely manner. i agree with sarah though i think find out if something is going on first with them before you do that! they may have a lot going on that you are not aware of, ya know?

I don't like my information out on a public forum, not that it's any of your concern. My advice is valid, despite the wedding date.

View Quoted Comment You said the same thing to me though? You’re telling me I shouldn’t be planning yet because my wedding is in 9 months, yet yours is further. My question had nothing to do with the date, yet you brought it up. In my eyes bridesmaids and friends should also emotionally support the bride.

View Quoted Comment Yea I understand it’s a difficult situation I just want everyone to be comfortable but I also want them to listen to my concerns at the same time

View Quoted Comment I’m super confused by your response… I didn’t say to not be planning your wedding I said just make sure you’re reaching out as a friend as well as a bride. I don’t think you need to jump to removing them from the wedding. Yes they should support you as the bride but you should also support them as a friend.
Also, my wedding is before yours….and I was trying to relate to you by saying I talk about my wedding a lot and am really trying to reach out to friends about other things, that’s what I was referring to. I never said anything about not planning for your wedding..

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry that response was for someone else I’m not sure why my phone glitched

I agree that I would be a friend first, and meet up with them in person and see if anything is going on with them. You can then express your concerns and maybe even give them the option to step down if its easier for them. They might appreciate the out.