Proposal no longer a surprise

IMO you overreacted. Maybe your SO didn’t follow the script you had in mind but for his part it sounds like he wanted everything to go right and may have had some nerves of his own. I agree that there’s no surprise factor at this point, but TBH after dating for four years if it was a total surprise that would be more of an issue.


My H didn’t give it away but he, too, planned a special evening and couldn’t fully hide his excitement, so I suspected what was up. Once he picked up the ring in hand he could not wait to propose. To me, that was more romantic and authentic than any elaborate ruse postponed for the sake of an Instagram worthy proposal.
In your place, I wouldn’t ask for or want any do overs. You have the rest of your lives to be married. That’s the most exciting thing about any proposal, not how it was staged.

Do you really like surprises in general? It seems like you like to be in control. It's possible your partner laid out hints because he knows you in a special way and it was more to prepare you than him being carelessly overzealous. I would apologize if you haven't done so already and let him be who he is. Your personalities will carry into your wedding planning and marriage. Do you want to keep sabotaging yourself? And it's ok your proposal wasn't Insta worthy or matched your vision. It was his. Proposals come in all forms and doesn't necessarily reflect love, intent, or a successful marriage. Sometimes people are nervous.

My proposal was technically "spoiled" by my best friend. My husband was waiting at a state park special to us, and it was her job to catch me after work and give me directions where to go. Now, coming home from work, no boyfriend in sight, best friend camped out in a lawn chair in my driveway and trying to hide a smile while telling me to get in the car, we're going somewhere. Yeah I absolutely went inside first to change and brush my hair.


But at the same time, the proposal wasn't a secret at all even before that. We'd been together 5 years at that point. We'd talked about marriage, what we'd like for a wedding, how we both felt about when to get married, etc. I even gave him input on the ring I wanted. There was no question on if he was going to propose, the only question was "how".
And that's what proposals should be. Both parties should be aware the proposal is coming, and both parties should be certain that answer is yes before a proposal happens. It sounds like you knew he was going to propose and that's totally fine! Your relationship sounds like you should have known it was coming! But did you know exactly how he was going to do it? Or is that the real "surprise" of a proposal that matters?

So yeah, my best friend may have given away that day after work that my husband was proposing. But what I wasn't prepared for was him gathering our closest friends, a few from out of state I hadn't seen in months/years, each who have been mutual friends through our relationship to that point, to come and share this proposal in a beautiful spot overlooking Lake Michigan. And even though we'd talked for years about our perfect wedding, he was still nervous and shaking.

No one should be surprised they're being proposed to, but how it's done and the thought your boyfriend puts into it should be a surprise. Talk to him again. Apologize if you haven't yet. I'm sure he's nervous about the whole thing, too.

I’m so sorry you are having feelings of disappointment surrounding your engagement. I know it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience many women are extremely excited and emotional about. Your feelings of disappointment are completely valid, and you shouldn’t feel shamed about that. However, there’s nothing you can do to change the events that occurred. So for both your, and your SO’s sakes, you’ll need to work through and move past those feelings. It’s important to accept that your proposal isn’t going to be what you’d thought it would be. Just remind yourself this is life - life is unpredictable! The important part is that you have a partner that wants to navigate that life (with all its ups and downs) with your💕

I think sometimes we put so much important on the details of the proposal and even the wedding itself that we forget what's the most important thing the person you love have chosen you forever and is asking you choose him/her and the wedding is a day what's important is the marriage. Nothing else matters focus on your love. There will still be elements of surprise you don t know the full plan or what will be said. Let go of or your idea of your perfect proposal and allow yourself to enjoy and appreciate what your partner has planned. Congrats to you and best of luck

I'm from the belief that the when of a proposal should be the surprise not the ring or the proposal itself. It's not ruined if you don't know when he's going to do it, just sucks now you have to wait longer since you both 'ruined' the other plan. Why did you ask the questions you didn't want the answer to?

" I can’t help but think I’ll never have the surprise proposal of my dreams now."

Please don't build up a surprise proposal of your dreams, and then expect your SO to live up to it. It's not fair to them. They have no way of knowing what you are expecting if you don't tell them what you want, and you can't do that if you insist it be a surprise. Just know that your SO loves you, wants to marry you, and is trying their best to make you happy. Here's hoping he does make you happy.

I went through something similar! I had a feeling he was going to propose on a date he planned because he told me all the details (going to a restaurant and then a park...we rarely just go to a park lol). Anyway, I ended up being super hungover that day because we had gone to a basketball game the night before. So we didn't end up going on the date. He then proposed a week later, in our living room when I got home from work at midnight. There were about 20 candles lit, a rose, and our cats locked in the bathroom for safety's sake he was upset because he knew it wasn't the proposal I "dreamed of" and to be honest, at the time I was a little disappointed. But then I read some advice online that said "sometimes our favorite moments don't feel like a fairytale at the time". And it's true!! I got over my expectations of what should have happened and I'm now happy with what did happen.

My now-husband can't keep a secret to save his life. He flipped out when a delivery came to the door (which was obvious in its own right), but then he had me reach my hand around the door to try on the ring to make sure it fit. After that, he was super pushy to go out to a certain spot that we didn't usually go to (and got mad when I said I was literally too sick to walk out the door). I was super bummed about the whole surprise being ruined, but with time that wore off, and I focused on the more important thing: getting married to a guy I love.

It's okay to feel bummed and to have wanted a big surprise moment, but don't let it ruin everything for you. It sounds like your boyfriend's willing to try to actually surprise you some time in the future, and to me that sounds like someone who is really considerate of your wants

View Quoted Comment I am crying at having you blindly try on the ring. 😂😂😂😂
No one talks about the stress guys go through with their picking and planning of a ring. I swear they can't cope with the excitement it's adorable.

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Lol in hindsight it was pretty on-brand for him 😂

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This🙌🏻

I never except ANYONE to plan a surprise for me. My FH is the love of my life and we are very low key people. We are technically high school sweethearts but we didn’t meet till the end of the year of our senior year. He just asked me to prom, no fancy gestures because that makes him feel uncomfortable and it makes me super uncomfortable. When he proposed to me on a cute trip in the middle of the woods on one of our hiking trips. I was kinda expecting it anyways and am a planner by nature so I don’t like surprises. I don’t believe in having “grand gestures” to show how much you love someone. It’s the little stuff that matters to me.