Proposal Redo

I don't see the problem with it if that's what he wants to do. Not comparing, but I feel like that's what I see happen on 90 day fiance. I feel like that may be common for people who are in really long distance relationships.

Maybe he didn't have the proper funds or didn't have it all planned in Aruba? Have you asked him why he didn't do it in Aruba?

This is an excellent question. Originally, the lack of romance in the proposal (it was very unceremonious) but I was okay and accepted that since we were being pragmatic and had already, essentially, gotten engaged via FaceTime. I understand why it was unceremonious. But I feel like attempting a redo that moment is disingenuous and not sincere. I'd rather move forward with him and not look back at those things. I am just trying to figure out how to tell him without hurting his feelings.

I don't know if it's what he actually wants to do it and I think that's the thing. I feel like he would just be redoing it just for me and it's not what I want. I want to move forward. When we talked about the proposal in Aruba he said it just felt like the right moment. I understand and respect that. In my mind we were already engaged anyway. He didn't have it planned in Aruba and that's okay.

I just need to find a gentle way to approach that with him. If it's something he actually wants to do in my town (like, if he'd thought of that before COVID, I think I am more open to it but if he's just trying to do this because he thinks it's what I want it's not what I want. I would rather we focus on our marriage than trying to redo history).

Yeah this is a huge red flag to me too. Immigration law is a bad reason to get married, it just is. I hosted a wedding for a couple doing a similar thing at my home, and the marriage lasted only a year and a half, with an expensive divorce and a heartbroken and confused child in its wake. Please make sure you actually want to marry before you marry.

On the engagement side, my parents did something similar. My dad proposed over the phone, almost accidentally, and then he did a romantic proposal later. I'm not totally sure how my mom felt about it honestly, though they have a great marriage now. I think if he wants to do a romantic proposal, he is trying to make up for his mistakes and show commitment and excitement, which is a good thing. Do you view it differently?

I would sit down and have a talk with him to get to the bottom of it. Ask him if its something that he really wants to do or if he is only doing it because he thinks it will impress you. Tell him how you feel.

I took this advice and it was helpful. Thank you, so much! I basically told him that if he wanted to do something to celebrate, or just because, I will obviously appreciate that, but that he doesn't have to redo the proposal because it was perfect as is in its sincerity. It was well received so thank you for your suggestion. It really helped me be able to address it while focusing on another option more positively.