Pros and cons of changing your last name to his?

I kept my name. i didn't care about taking his, he didn't make a fuss about it either.

i told my husband hey you can change your last name to mine if you want haha.

i don't personally see much of a reason to change it... my name is my name. that's who i am, that's who i will always be whether or not you are my partner or not.

I am definitely keeping mine. There are only two “pros” I can come up with in regards to taking a spouse’s last name. 1. If you have children, then everybody’s last name will be the same (but since we are not having children, this didn’t serve as a pro for me). 2. If it is important to your spouse, then taking their last name would make them happy. I truly could not come up with any other positives for changing last names. I have worked in the medical field for many years, and I constantly see huge issues occur with people who have changed (or hyphenated) their last names. In order to have accurate medical records, you would have to notify every single doctor and every single location you have ever been seen throughout your life. Medical professionals rely on complete medical records when treating you, and if just one record does not transfer over accurately because your name has changed or been hyphenated, they could be missing out on extremely important medical info. It is also a huge pain in the butt to not only change all your medical records, but also change your name on your license, Social Security card, bank accounts, credit cards, passport, pharmacies, every single place you order or pay from online… The list goes on and on and on. And, as you have already mentioned, it can cause confusion (or even backsliding) in your career. To me, I didn’t see any appeal to it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I really love that we have so much more of a choice nowadays!

I don't have the kind of job where I've had to build a reputation or had papers published under my maiden name, but if I did, I think I would keep using that name professionally, but change my name legally as well as use it socially and in case of any children.

As it is, there was no real downside to changing my name other than the time it takes to do it. I've grown up expecting to do it - even looking forward to it, really, and unless the name was a really unfortunate combo with my first name or just horrible (Hitler or Mengele or similar spring to mind) I have pretty much always intended to do it.

Our celebrant even gave us a name chance service/kit thing as a wedding present, which should cut down how long it takes.

And, funnily enough, my situation is almost the opposite of yours!

My current name is very short, easy to spell, reasonably common. Meanwhile, fiance's name is EXTREMELY uncommon and people are uncertain of how to pronounce or spell it. Additionaly, I think there are about 30-50 people in the world with the name, and so once I have it.. I'll be immediately visible on social media, and literally in some way related to if not all of those people, then at least 20 of them! All of which is very different to my current name and will be WILD to me!

I do completely understand that it seems pretty patriarchal to change your name from one man's to another's, but equally, I really love the idea of sharing a name with the man I'm building a family with, not because he wants me to (he's never asked me or insisted upon it, which is part of what makes me want to do it even more!), but because it will make me feel like we are more of a team if we have the same name - and frankly that could be any name! I personally think more people should consider combining names - Ie, Jones and Brown would become Jown or Brones!

I'm not changing mine. I love my last name, it's unique and originally from Basque Country. I've only met a handful of people outside of my family that share a last name and it's always very exciting lol. His last name is a lot more common, and he doesn't have an issue with me keeping mine, so that's that. I also think it just doesn't flow with my first name, if that makes sense? Funny enough, both his mom and my mom have mentioned to me that had they had the choice back when they got married, they would have kept their maiden last names! Back in the day I guess it wasn't very common to do that at all. That's all the confirmation I need to keep mine!

I’m changing mine although sad. I love my last name but I want to share a name with the person I love although I don’t want to deal with all the hassle of it🙃

Having the same last name was very important to both me and my husband. As a PP said, I just grew up expecting to change it. Not changing it never crossed my mind. In fact, I wanted to be sure to get married before I graduated so that my maiden name wouldn’t be on my professional license.
To me it signifies unity. We’re The XX family. It makes me feel more connected. Personally I’d feel weird having different names.
You can change it if you want and still use your maiden name professionally and with your business. Whatever you decide has to be because it’s what you want. It’s your name so choose what’s best for you. If you’re not Interested in using a different name professionally and you’re worried about your business/branding, I wouldn’t change it.

I kept my last name. In my career, very few women change their names when they get married. I had a baby recently and my child has my spouse's last name.

I dont understand the point of getting married if neither spouse is willing to make sacrifices, and one spouse sacrificing to change their name is like the FIRST sacrifice of marriage.

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I will not be changing my name - but that is because of my professional field AND as a prior single mom - I want to make sure my son and myself always share a last name. When he is 18 - I will consider legally changing my name to my future spouses and still use my current name as my professional name.

My partner certainly will not be switching his name - my son and I have the last name of my ex from over 10 years ago!

Not the traditional story - but I can assure you people have reasons for keeping their names besides not being willing to sacrifice.

View Quoted Comment I actually disagree. I don’t think marriage should be about making sacrifices at all. On the contrary, I think both partners should compromise and work together so that neither have to sacrifice things in their lives. There’s absolutely no reason a woman needs to sacrifice her last name (one of the most basic forms of self identity) and take on the name of her male spouse. It is not required by law, and has deep patriarchal roots- it was to show that ownership of the woman was transferred to her husband. Thank goodness these new generations of men are starting to view their wives as equal partners (not property!) and are supportive of them maintaining their own last names if they want to. Women can certainly choose to take on their spouse’s last name; but it should always be a choice, not an “expected sacrifice”. The fact that you view the purpose of marriage as making sacrifices is very disheartening. The purpose of marriage should be coming together in love and respect as equal partners, willing to work as a team to support one another’s happiness and dreams/goals.

View Quoted Comment This 💯!!!
I feel soo loved and accepted by my future hubby that he loves OUR family- regardless of who’s last name we have
We are considering adoption in the future so we can all share one name- but that will depend on if my son is comfortable with it

I’m legally changing my name (moving my maiden name to my middle name, taking my fiancé’s last name). Although I will use my new name legally and socially, I’ll continue to use my maiden name (which is very uncommon) professionally.

I've always been excited to change my last name. I do love it,and proud of it because it is unique. But it's also kinda weird and people always spell it wrong. Plus I have so many brothers I'm not worried about leaving the name behind they will carry it on for decades. My new last name will be harder to pronounce but I'll be shorter.
Do what makes you happy and makes the most sense to you. And your fiance will understand too whatever you decide.

I have never considered my full legal name to be a personal identifier. My last name is super common and I go by a nickname and not my full first name. Because of this and the fact that FH really likes the "family" aspect of having the last name I have no problem changing mine. I've even considered legally changing my first name as well once my last name changes, but that's a ton of work so idk if I will. If I were in a profession where my last name was part of what identified me in my field then I definitely wouldn't have changed it. Do what feels right to you. There's nothing wrong with choosing not to take your spouse's last name.

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Do you live in the 1950s? Marriage is about compromise, not sacrifice. Cece's response is spot on!

I did change it and wish I wouldn't have even though I have nothing published or anything with my maiden name. I just kind of felt "forced" (not by my H, he was fine either way) because that's what most people do. I also heard "oh but what about the kids?!" Hyphenating is not a big deal and i would have done that.

I'm fine with H's last name, but I also would have been fine with my own and looking back that probably would have been my preference.

I think it's all a personal opinion. My maiden name is long, difficult to spell, difficult to pronounce, and very unique. Other family groups with that name around the country are all related through my great-great grandfather.


And I hated it. I hated spelling it, I hated the fear in people's eyes when they had to call attendance, etc.
My husband on the other hand has a very common last name. There's probably two or three, that I'm aware of, other people with the same first and last name as me and I love the anonymity it gives me. People ask my last name now and I don't see them tense up, it's great, lol.
Like I said, it's all personal about how attached you are to your maiden name, either emotionally or professionally. But I don't have to spell my name using the NATO phonetic alphabet anymore and it's glorious

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Cece, this is so well said!! Marriage is absolutely about compromise, not sacrifice. Compromise implies free will and choice, sacrifice does not.

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My parents are still happily married and my mom said the SAME thing to me!

View Quoted Comment My mom was the same way. When she got remarried to my stepdad she kept her last name from her marriage to my dad and that was important to her because me and my sister were young. It was important to her and to us that we had the same last name and that me and my sister didn’t feel left behind in a sense and even though my parents were divorced she never wanted me or my sister to feel like she was replacing my dad and I think she felt like keeping her last name was part of that. So she went by that same last name and then eventually started professionally going by a hyphenated version of her last name and my stepdad‘s last name professionally but not legally and it’s only now that my sister and I are in our 20s that my mom is legally changing her last name to my stepdad‘s. They’ve been together like 20 years now lol