Pros and cons of private vows?

My fiancé is really anxious about public speaking, so we are doing the traditional vows that our parents and grandparents took (Which is special to us because all of them are either still together, or were together until death parted them). Rather than recite vows to one another, we are writing love letters to one another that we will read separately before the ceremony. I think reading those sentimental words will be touching and emotional and will likely make me even more anxious to run down the aisle! Lol

I get really anxious in front of a lot of people so we are having a private ceremony with just my mom and his mom and then we will head right into the reception

I've only been to two wedding where they did their custom vows in front of everyone. We got to see a glimpse of their passion and kindness for each other. It was so emotional and sweet, most of the crowd was tearing up or straight up crying.

The second one was super awkward. The officiant read them for the couple, and mentioned how the bride loved how giving the groom was in the bedroom...etc. Ick.

I think it depends on how you go about the vows, are they written for everyone to know, or written ONLY for your spouse? I promise your crowd won't find classic vows boring or bland! I have never thought that BUT I do find hearing personal vows so much more moving. Do what makes you guys most comfortable, though, as this can be a super intimate moment privately.

View Quoted Comment I'm also so anxious about public speaking so I empathize with your fiance I think doing them privately beforehand would make me less nervous for walking down the aisle (absolutely terrified rn lol). It sounds like you are getting the best of both worlds with your sentimental vows as well! Thanks for sharing

View Quoted Comment It is so good to hear that custom vows aren't necessarily expected or common!! I've only been to one wedding, and they did say their own vows in front of everyone. It was really beautiful and moving but I can see how it could easily be a cringe moment depending on what's said :/ I feel much better knowing either choice is okay, thank you!!

View Quoted Comment I love that !! We only have 25 guests but even that seems like too many for such an intimate moment 😅 I think it being private makes it extra special and sincere

Hi I have a written a forum on here of that subject. You can do it that way if you choose there is no wrong or right way just go with your heart. And recite the words from who ever is marrying you.We are going to write ours but just in case she can't we will do the traditional way. But go with how you want have a great wedding day

I get social anxiety and hate public speaking, so we're doing them in private during first look. To make the ceremony a little more personal, we're writing a few things we love about the other, and our officiant will work that into what he says. Then we'll do the traditional vows.