PSA: Serve Alcohol at Your Wedding

It wasn't stated. I'm not misunderstanding, I know exactly what I'm talking about. I was making a generalization. You stated how sometimes the couple cannot afford to provide alcohol. I said that if you can't afford the food and drink you should cut the guest list.

I never said that my opinion right and everyone else is wrong. You're getting way too heated over this discussion and are twisting my words.

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No one said they can't afford food and drink. Your mischaracterizing the discussion in suggesting they did. Not being able to afford alcohol is not the same as not being able to afford drinks. And food never once came up.

And yes, by telling people that they don't belong on this forum if they disagree with you, you are implying that your opinion is right and others just can't handle it. That isn't twisting your words. That's interpreting your words.

I'm sorry, but then what exactly determines what is etiquette to you? Because rules of etiquette are generally formed because a significant number of people have the same opinion about something, Examples: Don't put registry information on an invitation, all guests should have a plus one, etc. These are all thing that are generally accepted rules of etiquette because most people share these opinions.

Now when the majority of us (yes, the majority) think dry weddings or cash bars are a bad idea, suddenly you say it's "not etiquette, it's just your opinion". So, because it's not written in Emily Post, it's not considered a rule of etiquette? What is your benchmark for what constitutes real rules of etiquette? Because I'll bet if you surveyed the people who are anti-cash bar and anti-dry wedding and ask them if it's poor etiquette or just a matter of opinion, I'd say 99% would say it's poor etiquette.

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@VenetianBride you're confusing etiquette with opinion and they are just not the same. Google it if you want to know the details of the differences between them. Basically, rules of etiquette are there so that you treat your guests well and people are properly hosted:

(1) Everyone who gets a STD gets an invite.

(2) Never un-invite people.

(3) Never invite people to pre-wedding parties if they're not invited to the wedding.

(4) Never ask for cash, before, after, or during the wedding. This includes honeyfunds.

(5) People in relationships get invited as a social unit, whether they're married or not.

(6) Every person gets a chair at both the ceremony and reception.

(7) Guests should never pay for anything at your wedding.

(8) If it's a mealtime, you serve a meal and drinks. If it's not a meal time, you can do cake and punch.

Nowhere in the rules of etiquette does it say that you must serve alcohol. Will you likely get a better party atmosphere if you do? Absolutely. But nowhere does it say it's required or that it's bad etiquette not to.

There are two different things at play here.

Proper etiquette: Etiquette requires properly hosting your guests. This means they don't pay for or provide anything because everything is provided for them. This is why cash bars, BYOB/BYOC, potlucks, etc are all poor etiquette. Proper etiquette says a dry wedding is perfectly fine as long as there are plenty of non-alcoholic beverage options that are hosted (sodas, coffee, tea, lemonade, etc). Of course, this also means an open bar is good etiquette too, whethers its beer and wine only, a couple sig drinks, or full open. Both are acceptable etiquette-wise. It is rude on the guest's part to complain about what is hosted.

Then there's what people actually WANT. Your guests will nearly always prefer a hosted bar to a dry wedding. Because adults enjoy drinks at celebrations! Adults want to have a glass of wine with dinner! Because of this, we see people that are like "well, a cash bar is better than dry because I want a drink with dinner! " That's their prerogative - but a host concerned with etiquette AND guest enjoyment would have an open bar.

Your guests WILL be insulted by a cash bar. It's rude as fuck. Especially if they've had to travel, get a hotel, wear a special outfit, etc for your wedding/party. They might still be insulted by a dry wedding. In my crowd, people definitely would be annoyed.

Anyway. Yes, you should serve alcohol at your wedding. 100% agree. But it's not poor etiquette to choose a dry wedding, either. It'll just be a very, very different atmosphere that a lot of guests may not enjoy.

@Stephanie thank you! Everything you said is 100% accurate.

@Elizabeth -- You are my hero. I agree with everything you've said. Thank you for standing your ground!

I understand what etiquette is. I'm just saying is there a specific rule book you are referring to? Because when the majority of people are in agreement that something is "poor etiquette" and your response is basically "no, that's your opinion, not etiquette", I begin to wonder if there is a strict list you are following. Also claiming Celia is spreading "false information". Like...what?

@VenetianBride the majority of people never said it was poor etiquette. What are you talking about? The majority are simply saying that they think people should serve alcohol. Only a couple of people implied it was poor etiquette/improperly hosting.

I also agree with @elizabeth. people on this board get mad when you don't agree with them but then only welcome people that support their opinions and laugh when people they have been completely rude to hide or close their post that they continue to be rude and mean on when they are closed and wonder why people hide them in the first place. Like i have said before, nothing wrong with giving an opinion but how its done many times on this board is unnecessary. I applaud you for standing up for your thoughts.

You stated the following: "Basically, rules of etiquette are there so that you treat your guests well and people are properly hosted"

So if etiquette equals proper hosting and the majority say dry weddings do not equal proper hosting, wouldn't that indicate they believe it's poor etiquette?

@VenetianBride the majority never said it's not proper hosting. And even if they did, that would not make it etiquette. The universe does not care what a group of posters on WW are saying. Rules of etiquette are universal, not related to a show of hands on WW. Please use Google and read up on it because you're asking questions that don't make much sense to me.

"So if etiquette equals proper hosting and the majority say dry weddings do not equal proper hosting, wouldn't that indicate they believe it's poor etiquette?"

They can believe that all they want, but, it more indicates they don't understand what proper hosting actually is, and thus don't realize what the etiquette rule means.

Literally.

@Elizabeth why do you get to say what etiquette is and others cant?

@Ashley what? People don't get to individually decide what etiquette is or isn't.

@Elizabeth you just posted a page ago about what you consider wedding etiquette and told others they were wrong about what they considered etiquette.

^^^Not only that they were wrong, but spreading "false information".