Psycho future sister-in-law

View Quoted Comment Agree! She is off the program and out. We are done!

View Quoted Comment Agree! We are removing her. Just thinking about having to see her the morning of our wedding and dealing with her nasty comments is enough for me now to say, you’re off and leave us alone !

I would not put her in the wedding and since she missed the deadline to let you know. You need the people who love you not people who are Self involved. No matter what you do she is not happy unless she is causing drama. Let it Go!

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Thank you! Agree.

Sounds like my fiancé's friend's covert narcissist girlfriend. I feel your pain it's frustrating.

Yeah I agree with everyone. You are way nicer than I would have been. At this point, you don't need the extra stress. Have your fiance handle all the communication with her. I agree with what you said. I guess stick her names in the program just in case, but honestly on the day of if her name is in the program and she isn't standing up there with you, its going to be a reflection of her, not you. I think you have handled yourself very well. Hang in there. It is almost over. However....you are going to have to deal with her for the rest of your life. I also have a pain of a fsil (I still have hope it won't actually happen. ) Good luck.

Ugggh, this is a bad case of I hate you don't leave me! There is an actual book by this title. I know you are busy but if you get the chance you should read it. I also found this article: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/personality-disorders/understanding-the-contradiction-i-hate-you-dont-leave-me/ that may help. You are in a no-win situation unfortunately. If you take her off the list than she will explode at you and degrade you but if you don't than she will continue to flip and could potentially go out of her way to ruin your special day. At the end of the day the question is whether you want to rip of the band aid or take it off slowly because this is hurting you. I would suggest if you do tell her that she is not in the wedding than you should have another person present. If she becomes belligerent I would end the conversation. If she messages you on text hostile things you have a right to say that it is not appropriate and if it continues you will have to block her and then follow through. The key with people like her is setting boundaries and showing them what you will and will not accept. It is not easy but you can do it!

Update: My future mother in law asked my FH to ask me if me and the wench could sit down and talk to work things out. I told him first off, why is your mom in the middle being a messenger? And second, why has the wench not called to apologize to me? That's what you do when you mess up and make problems; you don't make it the victim's responsibility to apologize for what he/she hasn't even done. My FH told me if I don't have this conversation that I am ruining his family and that I am alienating myself. WTF!!! This delusional logic is stunning and sickening. Wench has obviously been manipulating the family for years and playing victim while also lying. Might not have a wedding at this point. And just yesterday FH told me his brother hasn't gotten measured for his suit and that he's probably playing games. You know your brother is acting this way due to his wenchy wife. What is going on here!! I'm beyond mystified and extremely hurt. We already decided she is out of the wedding and we don't want to hear anymore. Why this drama!???

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Thank you! She already removed herself, so she can only blame herself. I got a call the bridesmaid dresses are in and she told the store she's picking hers up on her own after I already told everyone I would do it. So she can go for it and have a dress she will never wear. I've been way too nice and tired of it being all about her. I have stopped responding to any messages or requests to speak to her. I'm done. Everyone needs to move on.

Breda,

I am glad that she removed herself from the wedding. I just read your update and a lot of times families with individuals with personality disorders develop a "walking on eggshells" approach with the person. Every decision and action is made based on keeping the individual calm. The problem is that it breeds behaviors. It does seem that she has made everyone so afraid of upsetting her that they just cater to everything that she wants. This has become normal for them. When you pushed back and didn't go with the flow it was a shock. She was not used to it and now everyone is trying to maintain the norm of doing what she wants. This dynamic is a hard one to be in. I am sorry you are going through this. As for the wedding, I would talk to FH about proceeding with those who have done the things they should. I would explain that it may mean that members of his family may refuse to go and let him process it with you so you can come to a decision together. I hope things get better and please keep us posted.

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Thank you! Your words help so much. I've been so upset. I will let you know what happens!

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Yikes. This sounds like my FSIL and exactly what Summer explained. Everyone just walks around eggshells with her and my BIL because she is so delicate, but somehow I'm jerk because I dared to be like "hey, this isn't normal." I also agree with Summer, it is a hard dynamic to be in. But I think you did the right thing. You didn't play into it. Stand your ground. Especially for your wedding. It is your freaking wedding day. You do not need to go around pleasing her.

I have also experienced recent family drama involving my cousin-in-law. I always liked her and respected her and she clearly does not feel the same about me as observed by her actions. This started, apparently, because I did not make her a bridesmaid, however she has a history of not being kind to my cousin or his family. My sister reminded me that there will be so many people at the wedding "who love the **** outta you." I'm done even trying with this "child" cousin-in-law. I'm trying to remember my sister's advice and move on.

Just remember that the people who are at your wedding are the ones who truly love and respect you.

WHY ARE YOU HAVING HER IN YOUR WEDDING OR EVEN IN THE PROGRAM???!!

She's going to make your day miserable if you allow her to be around on your big day. I would let her she missed the deadline to let you know if she wants to be involved so she will no longer be involved. She keeps with the negative texts, BLOCK HER!!

View Quoted Comment She is not in our wedding anymore! And any requests will be shut down. Thank you for the advice!! And agree - no apology yet and I’ll never get one. She can stay home our wedding day for all I care! It’s not about pleasing her. My mom and sister have been so supportive and said the people who love and care for you aren’t acting this way and you shouldn’t put up with it!

View Quoted Comment Agree!! It’s been a few days a FH and I have stood our ground. Too bad she doesn’t like it! Last I checked it wasn’t my wedding!

View Quoted Comment I think it really sucks that your FH accused you of ruining his family. You have already tried to talk to her so many times. He knows it. So he should know that your decision to cut off communication doesn't solely come from an unwillingness to talk to her and "work things out," because you HAVE tried to initiate that, but rather HER refusal to talk to you with respect and without the manipulation tactics. You're not ruining his family! Stand your ground! It is an HONOR to be INVITED to be someone's bridesmaid, not the other way around. She kept going back and forth to manipulate you, and you have decided not to buy into it. I think that telling her, "you said you didn't want to be a bridesmaid anymore, so you're not a bridesmaid anymore" is absolutely perfect. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Thank you! Could not agree more.