ptsd from Wedding Planning

Hi! I ironically came across this post after having another panic attack about my wedding that’s been and gone, in hopes to find ways to overcome it.


It’s really sad to hear others with a similar experience, but reassuring at the same time. There’s so much pressure for a perfect wedding day isn’t there?!
My wedding was 3 months ago and I still find myself crying about it on the regular. For everyone else the day was great, but the immense pressure I felt being the wedding planner, day of coordinator and bride all in one (with a pandemic thrown into the mix!) was just a bit too much.
I spent the entire morning of the wedding having panic attacks and crying whilst trying to set up the outside venue (in the rain!), after being up until 3am the night before the wedding making bouquets (since our florist and venue decorator scammed us 3 weeks prior).
It felt like such a shambles and “not a real wedding” - some sort of imposter syndrome?! I also have deep regret about ruining the experience for my family.
I can’t afford a counselor at the moment and my negative attitude and experiences of the wedding is driving a wedge between my partner and I, who is disappointed in the way I speak out the day (he thought it was great!).
Really at a loss for where to go from here and how to focus on the positives from the day - I struggle to remember much since I had such a strong vision for how the day was supposed to go they all seem to blur!
Anyway, apologies for the long message, but thank you for sharing your story - it’s comforting to know there are others out there with similar experiences, let’s hope we all find a way to move on from the stress of weddings!

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Hello,

I feel the same way. I had other issues attached of why I think it won't go away. I had a hard time in teaching at that time as it changes with times (what a dumpster fire career that has turned out to be!) It's STILL unresolved, but I digress. Along comes and my engagement was this ray of sunshine calming my life down!

Everything was great leading up to it. I was so happy and excited!! I worked diligently on the details and advocated for myself pretty graciously. Then the test comes if your reality will PERFECTLY match your fantasy! Depending on how much effort or how much you expectations you hang onto it will directly in turn affect how traumatizing it is. And women are in the particularly tricky area of tying to advocate for what they want with also not being a bridezilla or insensitive to others.

I think there is enough evidence online to know that we are not alone and that mental work should be done in this area. It IS a milestone, but not meant to be pressurized into this Cinderella fix-all fairy tale where the bride looks perfect, behaves perfectly, gets to experience everything without any regret or anxiety. Every "should" will seem so obvious in retrospect.

The thing that made me happiest was fixing what I could later.... I had the few pictures I didn't like touched up. I threw a small one-year anniversary party to take more time to dance and visit. I opened up about my insecurities and got actual acceptance from my loved ones! Feeling understood was huge!

Whenever I feel insecure, sad, or down, it comes back. I never have sat well with sadness . well and it comes from a nature that tends to fix rather than accept (even in the way I dealt with aftermath as you read). But at the end of the day, there will be cold hard acceptance.

I wonder if Cinderella beat herself up about losing the shoe, as it turns out the very thing that saved her. Would she have been mad at the fairy godmother if the dress had a gaping hole in the back that she didn't see until the ball? Sure she was grateful to go, but I be that would give her a bit of an anxiety shock! After her wedding, did she settle in as a wife or go back to cleaning floors because that's what she knew?

I believe that if I can accept myself, then I can accept my past and include more joy/gratitude.

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Hi Isabel, I got married in 2012 and I have issues too. I just went to my brother's wedding a couple of week's ago and it was high stress. I was much more prepared for that though and kept my sights on trying to be supportive. I've learned even with lower expectations and not getting the full spotlight, it still comes with problems. What is it with WEDDINGS!? And they are promised to be this wonderful, amazing thing!!

I really related to what you were saying. I too felt like I should have spoken up more, but we are so chastised into place with the Bridezilla meme that it seems unlady-like to be too demanding. I definitely can name things I would have done differently. I wish I could untie the joy from the anxiety I felt because they kind of jumble together and I so badly wanted only pure happy moments. I think my biggest regret was not doing mental work or therapy BEFORE the wedding so that I could adjust my expectations and choices.

I am not sure what the right attitude to take is for us. But I think it is to give ourselves a break!

I hope you are able to look at photos and find some happiness is anything that you did like and that the parts you didn't speak up on were well intentioned for others.

I want to be able to remember the joy without triggering regrets... especially because our ten year anniversary is coming up and I want to be able to look at the wedding album with my husband without a major therapy session.

Hopefully you just remember how loved and supported you are when you look at your photos, even if it wasnt exactly what you wanted. I'll let you know if I'm able to do the same. My wedding was in September. I have some time.

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Hi Kim, I'm sorry that you too feel this way. Such pressure on one day! I think the pressure to be PERFECTLY happy and PERFECTLY grateful and PERFECTLY beautiful and PERFECTLY satisfied and PERFECTLY adaptable and PERFECTLY gracious are all just too much! I don't know a single person who didn't face a wide range of emotions on their wedding day.

EVERYONE in planning mode thinks that they will avoid it. That they will plan or account for everything and know exactly what they want. But the think is, there will always be more or things not thought of until after the fact because it is a one shot deal that, unless you are Elizabeth Taylor or JLO, you have no experience doing before. No matter how much you read or talk, experience is the best teacher. No one learns to ride a bike by reading a book on it. Some wedding advice you can pass along to others, but much of it will be what you would do differently AFTER having the information from experience.

I personally used it to plan an anniversary party for myself, touched up pictures I didn't like, and decided to hell with the memes on women for being demanding that henceforth, I will speak my mind assertively! Do I wish I could look back on my wedding the crystalized fairy tale perfection? Yes! If I were over that, I would be on here or still struggling. But I realize that this thought leads me further into depression AND I know that it is unrealistic. Unlike Isabel, I don't think running away from others' weddings, avoiding the topic, or hiding your wedding photos will help heal this. It must be faced and dealt with! Forgiveness (ourselves and others), accepting all emotions, and sifting out the joy/meaning for memory sake is the work for those of us that struggle with this.

I feel the same way! Knowing I’m not alone is therapy in itself. I am understanding that no matter how well you plan, no matter how perfect you want it to be. You just simply can’t control the actions of others on your wedding day.


My biggest upset was the lack of support from family and friends throughout the process. It has really put me into isolation and I don’t know how to get over it.

I found your post by Googling the very same question - can you get mild PTSD from wedding planning?

My wedding was October 2021 and I can honestly say that planning it was the worst experience of my life thus far.

I'm not a perfectionist - the opposite in fact, one of my life mottos being: It is what it is. I didn't have strong visions of what I wanted and I didn't feel like I needed a ton of extras. Nonetheless, planning left me filled with dread and despair, having anxiety or panic attacks daily for months leading up to the big day. I struggle with depression and anxiety under normal circumstances and during this time we tried increasing my medication and upping therapy to once or twice per week. Even still, life was practically unbearable. The day itself was beautifully, everything went well with only a few minor issues. As soon as it was over I felt 100x better. But everyone wanted to talk about it and look at pictures and I wanted (and still want) nothing to do with any of that. Whenever I see anything wedding related I start to feel the panic again. It's awful.

Oh yes I been there and still am abit k owing it's only been 2months the 30th of this month will be 3months since we said I don't each other. I dreamt about about our wedding day would have been as well the perfect location. From the decor flowers certain amount of first colors photographers and videos and pictures. And even from the bachelorette party weekend and the night before and the morning leading up to the wedding day. And quite a bit went wrong from bachelorette party weekend 1 guest kept doing things and made the others annoyed. And later on myself all of the wedding favors weren't done and I had to put some of them together. Guest were trying to get there rooms weren't of file and other things occurred as well. My mom couldn't comes 2 days before she tells me. Our pictures weren't done as planned transportation altered. We had to make many calls of the new location I was late getting to the new spot groom thought that I jilted him. But we had to find new transportation in was in bad traffic jam. But through all of that mayhem we had a wonderful ceremony, God son took some pictures for us and we still gotten married under God as we should have he made all of that happen to get us in the right place under his grace and convent. For the reception things we're in the right place or wasn't distribute out. Wedding favors were supposed to be on the tables we were supposed to have went out the church entrance to be Announced to enter the reception but it was rain during the ceremony so it was wet out to take pictures. So we had to go thru a side door we greeted our guests the guest book was in a ackward place so only 4ppl signed our guestbook. Some guest had to left for different reasons but still had a significant amount of guests that stayed. Groom and groomsmens left to get more alcohol came back ate, drank laugh dance pictures taking by some annoyed because a guest smeared the side if my wedding cake. All over of her dress I was pissed not to mention the bakery was trying to charge me double. Cake was beautiful and was reposition so it was noticeable. A certain guest kept bothering didn't eat because of it. But after all of that enjoyed our first dance it was beautiful will never forget it. I cried was embarrassed by 2 things my children did they are adults. But tried to then to recover some if our wedding night with some guests and family that were staying at same hotel we were. Went to our room and had a private toast and fell asleep in each other's arms. So just try and remember that best part of you wedding day and then take a look at your new husband kiss him and smile. Because we have been thru so much to get that place all of the wedding planning was well worth it.

I just had to create an account on here to tell you that I relate wirh you **** percent. Only difference is that my wedding was 5 years ago and I still haven’t shaken off the feeling of ptsd that i have from it. I avoid watching the video of it, I avoid thinking of it….everything about it gives me anxiety, AND I see a therapist. It was a time I felt powerless in my life, and I never want to go back to that feeling ever again. Wishing you well and you are NOT ALONE!!!!

PTSD is real and my suggestion would be to seek help from a professional to determine if that is what you are struggling with. I would check in on biological factors first by seeing a GP, neurologist or neuropsychiatrist. Based on what you said, I feel like it's either biological or your wedding was just the catalyst that brought out something else you have been suppressing for a while. This journey is tough, but just know you are not alone, you are strong enough to get through whatever is sitting below the surface, and you are enough as you are right now in this moment. "The Body Keeps the Score", "Permission to Feel", "Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation" (Text and Workbook) are excellent books on the subject. If it is PTSD try to find a trauma informed therapist. CBT is the most traditional place to start and might help you set goals, but EMDR and Somatic Experience therapy have been more effective for most people I know with PTSD or C-PTSD. If it is PTSD something you can do now is look up grounding technique and ways to regulate your nervous system and parasympathetic nervous system. Not everything works for everyone, and what works today might not work tomorrow or for a different stressor. My favorites/go-to's are temperature changes like going from a warm shower to ice cold, guided meditation for nervous system regulation on YouTube, sensory panning, clench and release (whole body or just fists), feet on floor shifting seated weight to them a bit, art (drawing, painting, coloring), drain dump (this can look a million ways, you can google it, but essentially it's dumping all the unwanted thoughts out of your head), and sitting or playing with my dog. I wish you you all the luck, love and kindness on your journey.

Hey Pegs,
I totally get where you're coming from. Wedding planning can be incredibly stressful, and the pressure to make everything perfect can take a toll. It's important to remember that it's okay to have moments of anxiety and stress. In such moments, you can call the mental health line . In the end, what matters most is the love and commitment you share.