Push back wedding or have commitment ceremony

Looks like you need to push back the ceremony unfortunately. There is no way that the paperwork will go through the court system and be done in time for you to get a marriage license. How did you not know you were not legally divorced? Anyone that I have been around that is divorced had to show up in court for it to actually happen.

Will your vendors let you change dates without a penalty? If there is a penalty are you comfortable with it?

I'd push it back, you'll feel more authentic about it.

I would just go ahead and do a commitment ceremony and then do the legal stuff when its all in order. especially if you already paid for all your vendors.

"If you hire a good officiant, they can word it so your guests won't even know."

Ugh. I can't even with this.

I don't really see the point of a commitment ceremony under these circumstances. You're still legally bound to someone else, so instead of a legal marriage, you're having a pretend one?

Push it back.

Svetlano, in my county you do not have to appear in court it is not a contested divorce it's an agreed we have worked everything out n it is due to a screw up in the portion of retirement acct I am suppose to get. The retirement company is not coming up with answer on if divorce decree needs to be finalized first or if the acct needs to be transferred before decree. His attorney was suppose to take care of this however he is using a personal injury attorney n she knows nothing.

Sorry to hear this...

I have seen numerous divorces over the last 9 years and neither party had to step foot in the courthouse. (Volunteering at a safe house)

My heart breaks for you.

My suggestion is push it back...

I think like others have said its a bit weird to have a wedding with someone else knowingly legally married to someone else. You can't even pull a marriage license. Best bet is to see if all fees paid to the venue are transferable. If so fond a date that works for you and your vendors and hopefully most of your guest will still be able to attend. Contact OOT guest right away.

Linds, just a sidenote, but you were pretty passive aggressive towards Elizabeth in your post with the "ahem" and all. So apparently you "can" with the passive aggressiveness? Just an observation from a neutral stance.

"@Elizabeth, seriously? "I can't even" with the passive aggressiveness."

Sorry, I didn't mean for that to be passive.

@linds, misleading your guests about the true intent of your ceremony is a shitty thing to do. No professional officiant who is a genuine professional would go along with this.

It doesn't matter what the original intention was. What matters is OP cannot legally get married. She should be upfront and honest with guests. Misleading guests so that they attend the fake wedding is a shitty thing to do.

It IS TACKY to lie and mislead guests. Just be up front and honest. Either have a commitment ceremony instead of purporting it to be a wedding OR push it back. Those are the only options that are available to OP. And sorry but OP should've made sure she was actually divorced before planning to get married.

There ya go. No passive for ya.

Go to Vegas and get a divorce in a short amount of time. My guess is 48 hours. Mexico is the same. I believe.

LOL, Elizabeth.

Yes, you can't commit to someone while you're legally tied to another person. I'll put it in a more blunt matter then, for Linds.

I 100% agree with Vicki D... DO NOT mislead your guests.

Don't go through with a "wedding" ceremony that won't be legal.

If it were me, I would feel silly going through the motions and ending the day still not married to the person I wanted to be married to.

I'm divorced and I have a hard time understanding how you didn't realize your papers weren't finalized? I called the county clerk weekly to ask about my status, and I ran down to the courthouse to get my divorce decree before the ink was dry on it. Didn't you wonder where your divorce papers were?

Showing up in court only happens in some states, and could happen if one party is contesting something in the divorce decree, just as an aside.

Second Olivia P. "Would you really feel comfortable committing to your FH publicly while still legally married to another man?"

You are still married legally, how much can you really commit to the promise in your vows if they are not possible to be true? I would push it back.

@Linds - who cares if their guests would consider it a real marriage or not. Cause it wouldn't be.

@Cheryl I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm not very familiar with divorce proceedings would you be able to get it expedited?

If everything is ready and you aren't able to push it back see if you and your FH are willing to just have a reception and have the ceremony when the papers go through.

Tight hugs

I would push it back even if there is a fee to do so. I feel (personally) that it would mean more to have it be official when it is taking place. A commitment ceremony is not going to be much for you at this point, I would be thinking about the fact that its not real the whole time.

See if you can move it or push it back. I know its so close. It would be more of a celebration at this point.

I am with the others also, dont mislead your guests.