Question on Adult Stepchildren

Oh dang...girls. I have to be honest here, and it will help ALL of the young brides with this problem. I am on the other end. I married a man with FOUR daughters, and I have my own kids. I love him dearly and he was very unhappy with their very, very difficult (agreed by everyone, including them) mother. Yes, I know, I am not allowed to notice their mother's problems. Whatever. I don't mention her because I don't know her, I don't care. The issue is: they have issue with me. Just like you are stating. Should we include her, we don't know her, etc... and I have been SO nice to them, always sweet, staying out of their business, encouraging their dad to spend time with them, often alone, because they don't always need stepmom there I know. I had a stepmom- I get it. But when you do things like put the stepmom behind the parents: You are only hurting and embarrassing your FATHER. Noone else. Trust me: If you have been indifferent and kind of "icky" to stepmom, then she doesn't care. She probably is "icky" about you, also, but she loves your dad too much to show it. When you have the: "She is only my dad's wife" attitude, be careful: you have much more to lose than she does. You are only her husband's kids. She can go the rest of her life and never see you again, but she is your dad's WIFE. You cannot afford to torch that bridge, because you potentially lose the only father you will ever have. Trust me: men do see clearly when women are behaving badly. If she is doing nothing mean to you and you are being icy and making everyone uncomfortable, he will eventually side with her and see less of you. She is the one keeping him warm at night, not you. You have your husband and family, so who is he supposed to have? You know? Be fair. Encourage the relationship. Help him have a partner so he doesn't have to be alone for the rest of his life. Do you really want to cozy up next to your husband every night while he heats up a can of soup in a lonely house and then goes to bed alone? Really? Just so you can have him to yourself without some "stranger" coming into the family? Don't you think your own husband is a "stranger" to everyone, too? After all, he is just "your husband". Noone in the family raised him from a baby... I am just sayin' because I was in your shoes once, and i felt like you. Fortunately, my father told us to quit being selfish and think of him, also. "Would you really have me be alone for all of my life?" is what he asked. Then we stopped. Was the wife a biatch? Not really. It is easy to find fault. And the truth is, we all went on to find our OWN loves and our OWN families. The right thing to do is to welcome the wife, and quit saying she is only your dad's wife, unless you want your husband sitting behind the "family" at functions because he wasn't "born" into it.

My parents are both remarried. I have kind of awkward relationships with both of their spouses. I don't call them my stepparents because I was 20 when they divorced and met other people, but I respect their relationships. I don't reach out, text or call them because they have never expressed an interest (neither have I) but we get along just fine when we see each other. We don't have much to talk about and don't spend time together, but I consider them family and it works for us. I don't think she is being disrespectful, I think she just might not want that type of relationship right now. If you try to force it or keep getting her father to talk to her about it she may start to back away even more and it could damage your relationship with both of them. Just let it develop naturally and understand that it might never be more than it is right now. On the flip side, I am a stepparent to my FH's grown son. I have been in his life since he was 10, and it hasn't always been easy. I love him, he loves me but I don't expect him to visit, call or text all the time. He respects me and my relationship with his dad, and I have always respected him and his relationship with his father. I worked very hard to make sure he always felt heard, respected and had plenty of time alone with his dad. I think you need to adjust your expectations. She should absolutely respect you, but she doesn't have to be friends with you, and you should respect her as well. Do your best to be friendly, respectful and welcoming, but don't be over the top or demanding.

View Quoted Comment Thank for for this. Like you I also had a step mother and would be insulted to be called "dad's wife". I really have to wonder if step-dad is called "mom's husband". And yes, son and dsughter-in-laws are strangers too. And they're not called my kid's husband or wife. And you're right, if the STEP-MOTHER is a half way decent person eventually the dad will see the kid's are being mean for no reason and not want to be around rude unpleasant people family or not.

View Quoted Comment Thankyou sooooo much for making this clear. Stepdaugters you are not the love of his life his wife is. You are only my husbands adult child and we are definitely ok with never seeing you. Your dads wife owes you nothing and unless you wanna wash his dirty clothes , cook and lay him at night , get over yourselves.