Question?

This is a pretty broad question lol. Do the two of you live together or have you ever spent a night together, seen how the other lives? Do you know their financial habits? Have you talked the big topics to be sure you're compatible (existing debt, having/raising children, infertility, religion, career plan, retirement plan)? Deal breakers, bucket lists, intimacy, personal space? It's really just important to know what your expectations are for each other and the life you're starting.

Talk about everything. Marriage is work sometimes. You have to love your spouse, even when you struggle to like them. 😘

Do you live together now? I know it's not traditional, but for us the best thing to do was buy a house together before we got married & live together (even before we bought the house). We were exposed to all of each others debts, income, credit score, etc. and were able to financially split everything up & run a household together to see if we were compatible in that way.

I like your question so much cause I am wondering too! My FH says it will be the same cause he says he feels that we were already married, just that we now have a piece of paper because we already live with each other, have equal ownership in our house (and debt/bills/etc), and have a dog. We were already planning to have kids even if we didn't marry. I think our next step would be to make sure that we're each other's beneficiary on any insurance forms?

Like others said, the first question is do you live together? While I’m not married yet, I am engaged and live with my fiancé. Some things that are important topics is approach to finances, do you want kids and how do you intend on raising them. What’s your views on medical issues? How do they feel if, God forbid, you had to pull a plug or have a DNR order. What’s your take on religion and family? What’s your views on living out of state especially, if a job arises. Those are pretty important questions to consider.

It really depends on your situation. For us it feels like nothing has changed but the fact that we get to call each other "my wife" and I'm going on her insurance. We're in the process of the name change and all that comes with it. We bought our home a year ago and lived together before that. We were friends for a few years before we got together, that was definitely more of a change than being married. We have known who the other is, faults and all our entire relationship. We have shared expenses and a home, knowing what to expect from the other. I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. If you have the chance to live together before you get married, I highly recommend it. Make sure you discuss everything about what you both want in life so there are no surprises. Then marriage just feels like another exciting part of the adventure.

Thank you everyone for the feed back. My fiancé and I don’t live together yet. We both still live at home. I do stay a few nights a week at his house. We are probably going to live with his parents for a month or two after we get married. I know it is not ideal. After the wedding we probably won’t have much to put down for a house. We have talked about having kids. We differ on how we want to parent. We both agree on most things until it comes to technology. He is a big gamer so he wants to start them young and I am a teacher and I have seen how my students behave when they are constantly getting screen time and not getting parent interaction. Neither one of us are in considerable debt. We are opposites though, I am a neat freak and he is not.

Married life is great! I love it! But it’s really not much different than dating or engaged life lol. My wife and I lived together prior to getting married, so depending on if you & your fiancé do now or not will be the major difference maker. If you don’t live together, getting used to that will be the biggest change & obstacle. If you do live together, the main thing that changes is calling that person your husband/wife and possibly finances. But again, married life is amazing! And I think we have grown even closer since saying “I Do”.

For us, nothing much has changed, other than the, "ok, let's do the kid thing now".

But we're older, we've been together a very long time, and we lived together.

I'm a little concerned that you say you have very different outlooks on parenting. You should really talk a LOT about that now, because that's not something that is easy to deal with while in the middle of it (DH and I talk about it a lot, and will probably have a therapy session or two just to help guide us through the tougher questions, but we already agree on a lot).

Staying over at his parents' house is not quite the same as staying over at a place that is just his. Does he help out his parents around the house, or do his parents still do everything for him? DH grew up in NYC, so he lived with his parents for a longer time than I'd have usually been comfortable with... but he was also a contributing member of the household, in charge of laundry and various meals, etc. When he moved in with roommates, he had less of a problem adjusting and taking care of himself, because he was used to it being teamwork. (Freely admit I struggled with that, so this goes both ways!!!)

Also, I'd see what you can do to find a place together that is available BEFORE the wedding. If you don't want to live together before marriage, then one of you could maybe move in, and start to get your life settled. It doesn't have to be fancy, just a place you can create that is just you two, not your families'.

I've been married now for roughly... Almost five months and nothing has felt any different for me. The one thing is it is a bit of an adjustment for things in terms of space

I would for sure see if you could rent something if you can't buy. You don't want to start your marriage living in someone else's house.