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Savvy September 2021

Racist Uncle

Bumblebee3, on January 9, 2021 at 9:03 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

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My FH has a relative (the son of a great aunt) whom I’ve never met but we were planning on inviting to our wedding as my FH’s family is incredible close. This cousins has lived out of state until recently, making them the only family member I have not met in the 5 years we’ve been together.

I sent out our Save The Dates yesterday because we were waiting until after the holiday rush to send. Today I’m informed of a Facebook thread regarding recent events at the country’s capital. This cousin decided to not only angrily comment on the post but also spew utter nonsense, racist remarks and insults to those responding, including towards my future MIL.
My question is, now my FH is (rightfully so) pissed and doesn’t not want to invite him, even though we just sent out Save The Dates. Do we just not send him an invitation come time? How would you handle this kind of situation?

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Rebecca, on January 10, 2021 at 3:47 AM

Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on January 9, 2021 at 9:08 PM
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Don't send an invite. Have security made aware to not let him in. And cut this person out of your lives because none of you need that toxicity.
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Super October 2021
Ashley · on January 9, 2021 at 9:12 PM
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Normally, I’m all about etiquette. When it comes to racism, however, I think that all goes out the window. I absolutely wouldn’t invite that person, especially if your FH also wants to cut this person from the guest list.
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Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on January 9, 2021 at 9:12 PM
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I recommend you just not send him an invite.
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Super September 2020
Alli · on January 9, 2021 at 9:13 PM
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Correct; do not send an invitation; problem solved. That’s too bad people ruin it for themselves!
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Expert September 2020
Amanda · on January 9, 2021 at 9:57 PM
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I wouldn’t send him an invite and leave it at that.
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Master April 2021
Michelle · on January 9, 2021 at 10:35 PM
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Totally agree with everyone- don’t invite him. That cousin lost the right, privilege & honor of attending your wedding when he behaved in such a horrible manor.
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VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on January 10, 2021 at 12:20 AM
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I agree with not inviting him, but be prepared for it to be awkward if you do invite the great aunt.
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Dedicated October 2022
Violetstorme · on January 10, 2021 at 1:11 AM
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I agree with everyone. Keep that toxicity out of your special day. If you're worried about them finding out and showing up anyway to cause a scene/problem, I'd definitely let security for your event know if you have them or event staff. Here's to hoping that doesn't occur and everything goes smoothly for you, though!
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on January 10, 2021 at 3:47 AM
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So, I'm struggling with DH's aunt, who doesn't *say* anything, but listens to the Bishop of Philadelphia and his remarks on politics. (*seethe*)
However, I've spent... about an hour, total, talking to this aunt, so I.... can't say anything.
I GET IT.
But.
NO. NO. NOPE. Do not invite.
And, honestly, someone needs to tell him why. Explicitly.
Consequences for actions are the only way he'll ever learn.
If other family members decide they'd rather defend his right to be a horrific human being, than they are telling you something important - don't invite them, either!
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.
(Someone should maybe take away his social media, because if he's making threats, he could be arrested.)
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