Ready for the next step?

Thought I was with the right guy for a year and a half. Six months into dating he kept asking to run off to Vegas to elope... Dodged a major bullet since I found out he was cheating on me... in my house...in my bed! FH and I have been friends for 8 years, dating for almost 3 and engaged for just over 1. All that being said, my best friend in the world met her hubs Freshman year of college and just got married last March...10 years later, and it was 9 years before he proposed. Of course we knew they would end up getting married at some point and it was the cause of a tiff or 2 here and there but when it was all said and done, waiting those 10 years is what was right for them.

I wouldn't be in such a hurry and definitely wouldn't advise spending any money until he actually does propose. I get that it can be frustrating when you are ready and he's not but getting married is a huge thing and we all process it at different speeds. I do commend him for not doing it just to please you if he's not there yet.

I didn’t “wait for him to ask” — we had numerous conversations about our relationship and its status and our intentions for the future and timeline and goals which turned into conversations about our intentions to marry eachother which turned into a proposal. These things were two sided, our future discussed as partners. If you’re asking when it’s okay to question him as in “where’s my ring?!” the answer is never. If you’re asking when it’s okay to have a conversation about future plans and thoughts and intentions— that stuff is always fair game. The phrasing “letting you plan” is a bit odd, so parse out what that actually
means. Is he suggesting you get ideas? Is he simply nodding along as you look at Pinterest. Depending on what he’s doing he could be kind of pushing things off, hoping you get distracted by fantasizing and leave it alone. Or, he could be looking for genuine ideas to see what you guys want in a wedding. But you have to be able to talk it all out.

Don't spend time comparing your relationship to others. Everyone grows at a different pace together and takes commitment differently. Enjoy this stage of your relationship now.

My FH and I dated for 5 years before getting engaged and will be together 6 by the time our wedding rolls around. For us, this was a good timeframe.

Do not book any vendors or wedding related events/items until you two are OFFICIALLY engaged and in agreement about getting married in the near future. Good luck!

My fiance would tell me this too, But it was not that he was not ready to settle it was that he wanted it to be 100% perfect and well planned out,. He basically wanted the perfect moment. Don't stress If you know it is coming it will come, patience is key

I got engaged just after 2 years and we are getting married the day after for 5th year together. If it's forever, what's the rush?

I was with my FH for 3 years and 2 months before he proposed. It was supposed to be a little bit sooner, like between 2 and 3 years, but he didn't like the original ring he picked out and had a custom one made. The custom ring took almost a year to do because they messed up a few times and then he had to pay it off. Overall, I was okay with him waiting that long (even though it isn't a long as some). The reason I kept getting annoyed that he hadn't yet was because for two years in a row, he kept saying he was "going to propose by the end of the year." Plus I had two other friends who got engaged only a few months after their 1st year anniversary (and getting married before me), so that made me very jealous.

As long as you are sure he wants to marry you one day, I wouldn't worry about it. Guys have their own timeline and usually different than ours.

He is just not ready yet. Marriage is a lifelong scary commitment that you both need to be ready for. We were together for 3 and a half years before he asked me and we will be together almost 5 when we get married just be patient and love each other.

View Quoted Comment Probably because you keep bugging him, and he figures it will stop you from pushing him , when he is clearly not ready. But if in a year he decides, lets move on to other people, He never said he wanted to marry you, you will have wasted your time. Give him room, or break up. But stop pushing him when he clearly does not want to be married.

My fiance and I were together for 5 years before he and I decided to get married, and it'll be 6 by the wedding. There is no set timeline. I know some people who have been happily married after 10 years of dating and others after 6 months. If he says he is not ready it, then he is not ready yet. Marriage is a decision separate from being in a relationship. There is no rush. Enjoy your relationship and let it grow. As far as wedding planning, I agree with others. Save Pinterest boards, browse websites, etc. if you want, but I wouldn't exert too much effort on it at this point and time. I definitely wouldn't put any money towards anything for a wedding that isn't set yet. Just enjoy this time together. You'll have plenty of time to stress over wedding planning in the future.

I think him letting you plan a wedding is kind of wierd. But I do agree, there is no set time. My best friend got married after 3 years with her now husband. I was with my FH for 7 years before he proposed. It's all about where you are as a couple. You dont want to rush something that isn't meant to be right now. If you pressure him too much, that wouldn't be good. And you're not doing anything wrong because he's still with you. Just give him some time.

I’ve waited 16 years....3 graduations...and 2 kids lol it’s all about timing and when it’s right!!! When you least expect it!

He has been to a few venues with me and seemed genuinely interested in them .. and I told him not to worry anymore that i wouldn't bother him with it anymore. He said he didnt know when he will be ready so I told him I am stopping completely with wedding stuff. I just wanted to have things in order before hand because my sis in law and brother took 6 years to plan theirs .. but i don't want a big wedding heck I wont have a lot of people at mine maybe 30 total and want to have it at small place if that's what it took/takes. Nothing g fancy at all for me. I dont Care for it just a small celebration worth 4 grand or less for me

To me, a year & a half isn't that long. At least he's telling you he's not ready, rather than him just proposing because he feels like he has to. Also, if he's telling you he's not ready, I would just postpone any planning you're doing.

I was with my hubby for 3 years before he asked me and we had been friends for over 10 years. I later found out that he had had the ring for over a year of our last year dating, he was just waiting for the time to be right (aka I was in graduate school, and we both needed stable steady jobs before he felt we could start that process). Just give him time. Trust me they cannot be pressured into such a big decision like that. Hugs

The timeline is very different for everyone! My fiancé and I got engaged after 13 months, but we talked about the future extensively before this (finances, where we would live, future children etc). Some people need more time before they are ready and that is okay! It is not necessarily a bad thing that he is stalling, it is a big commitment. I wouldn’t nag him, when he is ready he will propose. I would also lay off the wedding planning if he has told you he isn’t ready yet. Having a wedding and planning it is so much fun, but a marriage is completely different and has nothing to do with the wedding you will plan. Just be patient :-)

View Quoted Comment Yeah, just slow it down. It definitely doesn't take 6 years to plan a wedding (there's more than likely some other things that were going on there). Some people are able to put a wedding together in just a few months. Venues change a lot over time. Just because you like something now doesn't mean you'll like it in a few years. It can go out of business, it can be in disrepair, it can change ownership and skyrocket in price, or it may just not be what you want when the time actually comes.

Okay first and foremost his concerns about his mother's health and money are extremely valid and you seem really selfish trying to rush him through those concerns.
Stop planning if you're not engaged, there's not going to be a benefit to that it's a waste of time and resources.
You should be working on building a foundation with one another so he does feel ready to get married. If he can't talk to you readily about why he's not ready it's a sign you both need to step up and work on your relationship. I know this because my fiance wasn't ready until we had been together about two years, we had a series of talks about what we envisioned for our future and how to get there. We discussed what we both believed needed to happen to feel ready to be engaged and we solved those problems together. You need to have the series of talks, and if he doesn't talk then he's not the one to marry.

I also have permanent nerve damage in my lower back and I am unable to work certain jobs (no lifting heavy objects bending over ETC)... I understand that he isn't ready and I told him that I only hope he does soon..

NO money has been spent at all . he and I have looked at 3 venues within 10 miles of where I live he also has told me when he's ready he will ask me.. I just hope I do NOT have to wait long and/or for him to make me wait and it NEVER happens. your all right it is a scary thing but he hasn't even asked me to yet .. its NOT the marriage its him asking me in general I told him I could care less about a wedding that's NOT a big deal but what I don't get is why .. I understand that he isn't ready I get it I just don't understand why he's afraid to take the next step and what he wants because one moment he is talking about the future and the next he isn't at all .. at this moment he says its money issues but once again as I said above I don't care about an actual wedding right now that can wait for however long is needed or NOT at all.. I have been avoiding any more major stuff . all I care about Is knowing whose going to actually come

My FH was the same way. We were together 5 1/2 years before getting engaged. I didn't press the issue and waited until he was ready. When we get married, we will be a few weeks shy of our 7th anniversary.