I have a friend from college, that moved to a different state after graduation. We have stayed in touch throughout the years but didn't talk on a regular basis. I got engaged two years ago. The first time I saw her after getting engaged, she told me, “I’m going to be a bridesmaid, right?!” Obviously, I didn’t know what to say other than yes….Fast forward to a year before my wedding, my other two bridesmaids were going through some personal matters and I didn’t want to impose on them with being my MOH. I asked my friend from college because she seemed very intent on being a part of the wedding and she seemed very excited. She was always very supportive when I would call her with issues but every time I saw her (I flew out 3 times within a year) it was drama, drama, drama. One weekend I flew there for her Christmas party and she got drunk, made me the butt of all of her jokes and ended up having a screaming match with her fiancé’s friend in their front lawn. Another time, I paid an outrageous ticket price to attend her engagement party, where she again got drunk and treated me like crap. It got to a point where I considered removing her from my wedding party because I didn't enjoy being around her anymore. I didn't end up doing it because right before my wedding she surprised me with a really nice bachelorette party in Florida. She definitely went out of her way for me so I was hopeful that maybe she was just going through something and the drinking was the root of the problem. Two weeks before my wedding date, she found out that she couldn’t leave NJ due to COVID and wouldn’t be able to come. She called to tell me this a week before my wedding date and then I didn't hear from her again until a month later. Her fiancé was the one who texted me on my wedding day to say congratulations.
Now she’s engaged and her wedding is in 8 months. She calls/texts me all the time with her wedding planning woes, even though she has not asked me to be in her wedding party. She has gone as far as to ask me my advice on whether or not she should ask an old friend from high school to be a bridesmaid. I am always nice and supportive and have tried numerous time to tell her to talk to her MOH instead of me, but she just tells me her MOH’s life is “spiraling downhill.” Part of me keeps thinking that maybe she is going to ask but hasn't yet or assumes I know I will be a part of the wedding party. Regardless of whether or not she does, I feel like I've treated her like a close friend and not received that back. I am not one for drama and don’t want to be mean but at this point I’m tired of expending my time, energy and money on a "friendship" that feels to be one sided. I have already looked at flight and hotel prices for her wedding weekend (despite never receiving a save the date) and it’s going to cost me well over $1,000 to attend. Is it wrong for me to tell her how I feel and that I don't want to go? Am I expecting too much from her? Any suggestions?
