Reasonable expectations for bridesmaids?

I don't think 'expectation' is the best term to describe each bride. My bridesmaids and MOH have been the greatest and made me feel so special, from showers, bachelorette weekend, engagement parties, etc., but that's not an expectation - more of a very sweet gesture from them that I'm thankful for.

My expectation is that they buy the dress we pick out together and show up to my wedding. The other stuff is awesome. I know as I bride I appreciate it tons, but it's not an expectation. My bridal party have all been apart of each other's engagement and wedding, and we've all gone above and beyond each time for the bride.

I think a lot of brides on these forums confuse the two. (Which has made me LOADS more thankful for my friends and their sweet gestures, honestly)

I’m only having a MOH. I’m not expecting her to do anything like throw me a shower/bachelorette because we don’t live in the same state. I’m not expecting her to attend the shower if my mom throws me one, if she can that would be great! I would love her to be there, but I know there is a possibility she might not be able to since cost of flights and everything - she can stay with her parents when she comes in but to pay for multiple flights and her dress and shoes its too much. I'm not expecting her to do that. I might even pay for her flight/dress but I know she won't let me so I'm paying for her hair/makeup for the wedding day. The only thing I really expect from her is to attend my wedding and wear the dress color I pick out, she can choose the style but I have final approval.

Expectation is the perfect word. Some brides have them and others don't. Unfortunately the wedding industry has created minimum expectations that are not part of reality featured in "reality" tv and movies, along with poorly written articles disguised as "etiquette". It has turned many brides who might otherwise be very laid back into the opposite.

The actual reasonable expectations are be supportive of the bride and the wedding, wear a dress the bride picks, show up and enjoy yourself.

The weird line with this is that each bride and bridal party are different. Your 'expectation' may be more or less than mine. There isn't a wedding rule book with a "bridesmaids expectation" tab that you turn to and figure it out, nor a right or wrong way. The stuff you see in movies is totally normal for my friend group, maybe not for yours or someone else's, but that doesn't mean one way is right versus the other. If I were to tell me friend group that I didn't want them to do anything extra, they would probably think I was crazy and do it for me anyway - and I would do the same for them. Everyone's circumstances are different.

For reference, I've seen arguments on this topic on WW and sent screenshots to my bridesmaids group chat, and they all thought it was insane that some wedding parties don't do anything extra for the bride. It's all depending on your group!

I requested mine choose and have their dress/suits by my wedding date and show up on time for hair and makeup. That was all.

Luckily, my bridal party went above and beyond, one hosted a shower, and everyone attended my bachelorette weekend.

My expectations were for my bridesmaids to buy the dresses that we agreed upon and travel to + show up to my wedding on time. My MOH threw a shower for me with the help of some family friends and my bridesmaids all attended, which was super nice but not something I expected. All of my bridesmaids were in different parts of the country (and one was pregnant and one had recently had a baby) so I didn't have a bachelorette because it would have been too complicated. I paid for my bridesmaids' hair and makeup, and allowed them to select any look or style that they wanted. I also requested that they wear silver shoes (any style), but looking back, this was completely unnecessary because the dresses were long.

My expectations are for them to get the dress we all agreed on, show up to things on time, and just be present when we communicate in our group message!

As far as my bachelorette weekend, bridal showers, or anything extra...they're more 'hopes' than expectations. I would hope someone would throw these for me, but I'm not going to expect my bridal party to do so. Will I be a little bummed if no one decides to host them? Sure, but I'm not going to be a bridezilla about it and tell them how they should've thrown me one because it's 'their duty' (which it isn't lol).

I think there should be a line between expectations and hopes/wants. It is expected for a bridesmaid to support the brides, show up on time, and be in the agreed upon attire. All the bonus pre wedding events are usually hopes/wants of the bride, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to have these events. These events cost money, travel, PTO in some cases, and a lot of scheduling.

The problem is now a days quite a few brides expect these parties/trips and expect their party to pay most/all of the bills, and will ruin friendships because they expect to be #1 priority for the entire length of their engagement.

I'm expecting mine to purchase the dresses and show up on time! My aunts are hosting my shower and I'm hoping that my bridesmaids can attend, but I'm not expecting the girls from out of state to attend. My MOH was in the process of planning a bachelorette before we postponed due to Covid, so that may or may not happen. I'm paying for their hair, makeup, and nails. I also expect them to support me emotionally the day of the wedding, but that's pretty much it! All parties are 'extra' and should never be required

Just because they're common in your circle doesn't mean that they're required or an expectation. The expectation is part of etiquette and tradition. Bridesmaid and MOH are ceremonial roles, wherein you are asking them to participate in your ceremony and stand next to you as you get married. The expectations are and should be related to that, specifically. Anything else they choose to do is a bonus.

I have 4 bridesmaids and when I chose them I honestly just wanted them to be with me on my wedding day getting ready with me and having fun. I have not included them in any planning, I love doing everything myself. They bought a dress and will be paying for their make up the day of. I believe they're planning a bach outing but it's a surprise for me, they just asked me who I would want there.

Right, none of it is a requirement and the extras are just that, extras - which I said in my original comment. The requirement is that they wear the dress and walk down the aisle.

I never had to really communicate this. My FH proposed to me on an out of town trip - I literally came home to a huge surprise engagement party thrown by my bridesmaids, who didn't even know they were bridesmaids yet. When everyone was formally asked, my MOH started a group text and they all immediately started brainstorming ideas for the Bach. We've all been together on several occasions where I've offered to pay for certain things regarding my bachelorette trip, and they all say "absolutely not". This isn't because they are trying to meet my expectations, it's who my friends are - we did the same thing for each other girl who has recently gotten married in our friend group.

If any of my bridesmaids ever came to me or voiced any concern with anything I'm wanting to do for my wedding, I would figure it out. If someone couldn't buy a dress, or really wanted to go on the bachelorette weekend but couldn't afford it, I would absolutely help out without a question, so would every other bridesmaid. We've all planned everything together, so we tried to find dates for things that accommodated everyone so no one had to really worry about that, but obviously things may still come up - that's fine.

I wouldn't decline to be a friend's bridesmaid. I've never had to go without to pay for a dress or Bach trip for a bride. I know that's not the case for everyone, in which case I would voice my concern with the bride. If this bride were any of my friends, I'm totally confident that my friends would pull the extra weight to make sure I was able to go. If it were a conflict with my work schedule, or I simply couldn't attend something, I just simply wouldn't attend that event. It's not the end of the world.

Again, this is my situation and my circle. I know that's not the case for everyone. Which is why this "bridesmaid expectation" stigma on wedding wire is a little silly and far too broad to determine the "right" way for everyone.

Definitely to get their own dress. i honestly wanted a shower and a bachelorette day and i know those are optional and i was grateful they did it.