Reasons to have a dry reception? What to do if somebody brings alcohol?

I’m a minority and have no problem with a dry wedding. My FH and I don’t drink and neither do our immediate families. I don’t want to spend all the $$$ just so people can have a drink. We are gonna have a live 8-piece band, yummy food, and a great time! I’m sure a very limited amount of my guests might be a bit bummed. But it’s my night! And I’m making sure it’s a blast, no extra help (alcohol) needed.

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For me, it's not an issue of not being *able* to go 4 or 5 hours without a drink. It's that a wedding reception is a celebration, and it is supposed to be a "thank you for coming" for the guests.

I think the reason people get so heated on here is that most people do not want to serve alcohol because it is expensive. Yeah it is, but if I'm a guest, I've spent money on your gift, money to get there, money on a new dress etc etc etc, the least you can do is pay $10 for me to have a glass of wine. To not serve alcohol because it is "too expensive" is insulting to the guests you've invited, and makes the entire event seem like a cash/gift grab.

In your case, however, your motivation does not seem to be financial so that makes it completely different to me. Just like I would never expect alcohol at a Muslim wedding, I would also not expect alcohol at a wedding where I knew something horrible happened to a parent as a result of alcohol use.

Thank you all for your responses. I appreciate them!

Nuptials, I do agree that having it at a housr will definitely make people more inclined to bring their own alcohol. I will discuss security with FH.

Em, thank you for explaining it from that point of view to me. I've never been one to drink so when I've gone to weddings that had no alcohol it didn't really affect me, but now that you've shown that point-of-view to me, I can see how others would be annoyed. Thank you!

Hopefully people will respect your wishes of a dry wedding. I’m not sure what to do if people bring their own. Sorry! Good luck!

After seeing that your wedding is taking place at someone's house, are the property owners okay with no alcohol being served? In all honesty, that should be their decision since it's their property. I can understand the alcoholic issue since I have some in my family, but I think since it's at someone's house rather than a venue it's going to be easy for people to bring it.

Thank you both for your responses.

Annie, it is his parent's house, and they are okay with no alcohol being served. We've discussed it with them, and they both respect FH and my wishes for a dry reception. I am sorry to hear you also have alcoholism in your family It's a tough thing to deal with. And you are definitely right, because it is a house and not a venue, it will be easy for people to find it more casual and "okay" to bring alcohol. I am just keeping my fingers crossed most (hopefully all!) are respectful of our wishes.

I am mostly worried people who do not know about the reason for the death of my mother or my sister's intense struggles with it will think it's not a big deal. My personal friends and family and his personal friends we know will be respectful. I just know at most dry weddings, there's always that one person.

The too expensive thing, is not just $10 though. At my venue it is an extra $50 to have the alcohol PER PERSON. I personally wouldn't think of hosting a dry wedding because it's just not what people do in my circle, but I'd definitely refrain from alcohol if the bride and groom requested it (also OP's reasons are very valid.) I have heard about it from people who went to a friend's wedding that people snuck out and went to the parking lot to drink. I thought that was super disrespectful to the bride and groom though. Why shouldn't they be allowed to celebrate with those they love, despite alcohol or not. I've celebrated plenty of things, without alcohol and it didn't make it either better or worse. Be a good host I get it, but at the end of the day it is one day, and if the bar was going to cost you an extra 10,000 and you want to put that to a house or something else that may be a bigger priority than your wedding, I wouldn't judge you for it.

I honestly don’t agree that you have a valid reason, but I’m not here to argue (my mother is in recovery and is paying for the bar because she understands proper hosting etiquette- her mother (my gran) died an alcoholic related death as did several of my great uncles).

HOWEVER- you have declared your wedding dry, so if someone shows up with any drugs/alcohol, they should be made to leave.

View Quoted Comment I think its pretty unfair to say her reason isnt valid. You should know the pain it causes

I would ask them to leave if you see them with it. I would hire security to do it so you don't put other guests in an awkward positon.

I would ask your venue staff or DOC to be on the lookout, if you're really concerned about this as a possibility. They likely have their own rules against people bringing it, depending on what kind of venue you have. I wouldn't worry yourself about it on your wedding day, I understand you don't want it there but if someone happens to bring it, have someone else designated to confiscate it/kick them out/whatever you decide, and don't let it be something on your radar that ruins your wedding for you. I've never heard of anyone bringing their own alcohol to a wedding, but then I've only been to ones with open bar - still, I'd think if you've made your wishes clear, it would be very inconsiderate of them to bring it.

Sorry - just read about it being at a house not a venue; still, designate someone who is not you do worry about this.

Its sad to me that you have to air your personal business to get people to not jump down your throat about having a dry wedding. You should be able to have what ever wedding you want with out having to tell people about your trauma.

I'm going to jump on the hire security band, until this board I would never have considered that someone would sneak alcohol in an event when they had been asked not to, but apparently I have way more respectful friends then a lot people.

I think you should be very clear on your wedding website that anyone who sneaks in alcohol will be asked to leave, and then hire someone else to enforce this rule.

This shouldn't be a debate over dry vs. non-dry wedding since OP wasn't asking anyone's opinion about that. If she did, that would be different.

Unless you are hiring security and frisking everyone at the door (which I'm sure you're not), there's no way to guarantee that someone won't bring alcohol in. The best you can do is let everyone (not most, EVERYONE) know ahead of time that the wedding is dry and that there is to be no alcohol brought on to the premises. Perhaps you can ask a few people invited to the wedding to look out for anyone who might be drinking from a flask/bottle they may have snuck in and they can quietly and calmly ask them to please put it away, so you and your FS don't have to deal with it. They don't need to be policing the house, just be aware. If there is anyone you are absolutely concerned about bringing alcohol, then have a face to face or phone discussion with them before the wedding. What someone does off premises, you have no control over.

Totally understandable

View Quoted Comment I agree with you Tara! This is such a valid reason. You should feel happiness on your wedding day not have to have what cause your pain shoved in your face “for the sake of etiquette.”

I think this is perfectly reasonable. And even though I normally expect alcohol at weddings, I would know to respect your wishes. Just make sure to have an awesome DJ or other entertainment so people have tons of fun!

View Quoted Comment Totally agree - this is a completely valid reason VS people just not budgeting to pay for alcohol.

View Quoted Comment Agree with every word of this and what other PPs have said. You can’t control what others do, but you can hire someone who will enforce the rules, and they will be well equipped to deal with anyone who chooses to break them. Good luck OP, I hope it all works out. ❤️

View Quoted Comment For me it’s not about “not being Able to not drink for 4-5 hours”. There’s three perspectives for me. 1. A wedding is a celebration and quite a few people like to drink and eat and be merry.
2. My first wedding was dry. We were only 20. It was literally over before it started. (If only I had wedding wire then). It was over promptly after the food, like 3 hours before it was supposed to be.
3.Now that I’m older I understand why 2. Happened. Like the old adage goes, “No one cares more about your wedding than you and fH.” Of course it’s great to go to weddings and wish people well, but the ceremony and dinner would be all I’m staying for. There’s only so many well wishes and good cheer to be shared. After dinner I would be bored no matter how much I loved the couple, spending 5 hours out of my day to celebrate “swooning” over someone else just wouldn’t happen for me without incentive. Even if the motives are good.

Thank you for your support everyone! Thank you for your sympathy.

Susan, I am very sorry for your loss. I think you shouldn't forget that people grieve differently though. While alcohol might not bother yourself or your family, its not as easy for me and my family to not be bothered by it.

I appreciate all of your guys responses. 😊 I like your guys ideas and will definitely discuss them with FH!