Reception faux pas - yes or no?

It’s a discussion. Sorry you’re offended

View Quoted Comment I totally agree skipping the entire reception would be bizarre (although that doesn’t seem to be the case in what the OP posted). I went to a wedding years ago where the couple didn’t do a first look, so they did couples photos during cocktail hour and bridal party photos during the reception. I mostly felt bad they weren’t enjoying their party that they paid for! It didn’t occur to me to feel abandoned—and certainly not to leave!


But like so many things, different strokes! There are probably things that would offend me at a wedding that others wouldn’t bat an eye at.

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They want to sit in another ROOM. Again you mentioned a key point here. The reception is expensive probably the most expensive part of the wedding. I dont know if the OP is paying for their own wedding but if you got it like that then you have it like that. My fiance and I wants to have a good time with our guests as it should be. Like you said different strokes for different folks. Most people would NOT leave free food , drinks, and entertainment. Me personally would not enjoy a celebration when the whole purpose is in another room. Cheers!!

...What in tarnation?

I would wonder where in the heck the bridal couple went, why they aren't with us, and what is going on!

The couple usually gets some time alone to sign the license, take pictures during cocktail hour, and a bit after the ceremony.

If they don't want to be disturbed during the dinner, the venue coordinator and the DJ can emcee that appropriately. Our VC made a point of making sure we had time to eat, and once everyone got their food, we actually got a few minutes to just eat and be.

Actually, in some cultures and religions this is a traditional part of the wedding. Especially when a wedding can last 24 hrs.

View Quoted Comment Rebecca, I agree. Thanks for your input! Trying to understand why even have a dinner then.. I’ve worked over 200 weddings and the whole “no time to eat” is more like bad planning/WC issue. They literally want to have their dinner ALONE entirely and have their guests eat without them. Oy.

View Quoted Comment Samantha not the case. She said she “doesn’t want to be bothered.”

View Quoted Comment Sure, I was just pointing out that it's not as weird as everyone is making it out to be. In this specific instance the wording makes her sound rude.

I'm also going to be a black sheep in this discussion and say that I find nothing wrong with it. My FH and I are actually doing this. The idea came to us after seeing my FBIL and his wife, and a few friends do this at their wedding. They had a separate table in the loft area of the venue to eat together, and it only took about 20min (like the OP stated in the photo). We didn't think it was odd at all, and to us it makes sense.

There's so much going on the day of your wedding, and a lot of couples have said that they didn't even get to eat but a couple of bites of their food because they had to greet all of their guests, or people kept coming up to the sweetheart table to greet them. The day goes by so quickly, and I think taking 20min to eat together in silence and bliss is more than okay.

That being said, if they were gone for like an hour and didn't greet guests at all...then yeah, kind of rude because you aren't greeting your guests, but a 20-30min sit down to eat and enjoy your first meal as husband and wife (while your other guests are also eating) seems perfectly understandable and fine to me.

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My plan for this is that we will go through the buffet first, followed by our wedding party and parents/siblings which is like 17-18 people, so hopefully that will buy us some time? Idk. I have no idea if this is rude or not but it's my wedding and I'd like to eat some of the food we paid $5k for. When we finish eating, which hopefully will be before everyone else does, we will start 'making the rounds'.

Exactly what we're doing and what my FBIL and his wife did! After that, they went to the loft to eat together. No one saw them for 20-30 min, but we also didn't mind because we were all getting our food, eating our meal, and enjoying the company at our table.

I never thought this was a 'faux pas' because it's common where I'm from for the couple to do this. It's interesting to see everyone's take on it.

A lot of people went up and interrupted my brother and SIL at their wedding - SIL didn't get to eat and ended up really drunk. At our wedding H and I just kept eating - and if someone thought that was rude, well, I got food in my system. (Of course we also had reasonably substantial food in both getting ready rooms to munch on throughout the day.) We were given the option of eating in a separate room, but we decided it would be less rude to just eat while people talked to us.

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Agreed.

It's 20 minutes out of hours that they'll be mingling with guests. It's one thing if they decide not to be there for the whole dinner, but a measly 20 minutes to catch their breath, take everything in, and just be happy with each other? More power to them. Why would I care that I can't stare at them from afar for 20 minutes while I'm supposed to be getting my food and eating anyway?

If any of my friends were like "no, you can't spend alone time with your SO now because you're going to spend the rest of your life with them!" I'd probably just not invite them to my celebration anyway. I think it's as simple as if you don't like the fact that they won't be in the room with you for 20 minutes, don't go.

Yes, it’s rude.
The whole thing is messed up. This is literally why a sweetheart table exists. Imagine going to a birthday party where the celebrant disappears for 20 minutes and tells everyone to amuse themselves.For the bride’s part, she is unconcerned about the guests and just trying to satisfy whatever weird thing the groom wants.But I’m not just worried about this being rude, I am worried about the bride. She specified the GROOM wants to do this and she obviously feels like it’s not normal (or she wouldn’t be asking her coworkers and the internet) but she’s going along anyway.The groom sounds selfish/weird. And the dynamic seems to already be set into place that the bride will go along with whatever weird thing he wants, not considering others, just pleasing him.I would keep an eye on this friend. This may be nothing or it may be a sign of what their marriage will hold: weird and selfish decrees from her husband that appear okay at first but get darker.What will holidays look like?Children?Day to day life?Will the bride just go along with whatever he wants, even if it cuts both of them away from everyone?This seems like the weird story someone recounts years later saying, “I guess the signs were there, even at the wedding he...”

View Quoted Comment I just don’t see why it’s an issue lol. Every wedding we’ve been to, the bride and groom did this to have time to process the day. It makes sense and I mean, if it’s 20min out of the rehearsal when guests are focused on eating anyways, why care?? Lol.


I think some people are taking this too far and personally. I’ve never sat down at the reception and automatically wonder where the couple was, let alone got offended when hearing they wanted to eat alone. It’s their day, and if they want to have 20min to sit down alien together and enjoy the meal that they paid for, then that’s fine by me! As a guest, I’m paying more attention to finding my seat, getting my food, eating, and catching up with other guests lol.
The OP clearly stated it would only be 20min, not the whole rehearsal.

View Quoted Comment @shelly

This particular bride does not wish to eat with her guests at all. She wants to go eat in a whole different room. She thinks it’ll only be 20 minutes; reality check is unlikely. This will more than likely take the whole dinner. Like are people going to do a speech and toast and then they walk out to your separate room ?

View Quoted Comment Like stated in my first post on here, I’ve seen several couples do this. They get their food first and go eat together in a separate room for a few moments, while their guests get their food and eat as well. Never have I seen this take the entire dinner, and from what the OP said, they don’t plan on it taking that long either. My FBIL’s Wedding Coordinator was there to let him and his wife know that it was time to return to their guests and start greeting everyone. Myself, and the rest of the guests were so focused on getting our food and eating, that we didn’t notice they went to be alone. Nor did it bother us.


In most situations, the bride and groom and wedding party make their entrance, some toasts are made, then it’s time for everyone to begin eating. This is when the couple goes off to eat together. Since they get their food first, they more than likely will be using their 20min while guests are receiving their food.
Everyone has their own opinion on this, and that’s fine. I just believe that it’s really not as rude as people are making it out to be. They aren’t leaving for the entire dinner. It’s 20min.

I guess my issue is more with everyone’s argument of “it’s just 20 minutes to have some alone time, to just be in the moment, to enjoy the bliss of being married” etc. I get that, however if that is the top priority then why plan a large wedding with a 100+ guests? You’ve chosen to host this event, you need to host the event. Your wedding was the ceremony, you got that. Now it’s an event you are hosting and being present is the top priority.

I understand them wanting to eat the food that they paid for but that seems rude. I’ve been to weddings where the couple and even the bridal party were given a light snack before going into the reception after taking photos. Also some caterers will make a doggy bag with all the different hors d’oeuvres and meals for the couple to take with them

I personally think it would be not in good taste to take time out from the reception. Do you have a cocktail hour? maybe you could find time for you two then so it wouldn't effect other parts of your wedding. People expect to spend the reception with the bride and groom and take that time to say congrats and pic since they were invited to your special day. A sweetheart table could help with feeling like you have time together with no one else around. But at the end of the day it is your wedding and you need to do what is right for you. There will always be at least one person who has something to complain about anyways.