Reception - Reserved Tables/Seating Charts

Our guest count is 74-90 people

Please do a seating chart!! Open seating sucks for guests.

Do a seating chart! Your guests will thank you ... and apparently so will your FMIL!

I actually prefer when I am assigned a table. And I also think it's weird to reserve some and not others. As a friend, I would be even more confused as to where to sit.

Assign all the tables. Everyone will be much happier.

Holding guests accountable for their choices in seating? What does that mean? With open seating they don't really have any "choice" - whereever they get stuck. Your parents may be in a table in the corner far away from you. Your MOH and her husband might have to sit at different tables. Etc.

Open seating is a nightmare.

My FH and I and a large group of friends attended a wedding in Austin. It was open seating. Our friends crammed into one table and had to pull up chairs. We sat down first and some randoms followed us. Our table was half full. They were nice and we were perfectly fine...but it was awkward.

Holding guests accountable means that no matter what I do people are going to complain. If there's reserved tables or a seating chart then the blame falls solely on me. If there's complaints about where they choose to sit as I want, they can blame me all they want but because they made the choice to sit where they are, they can only blame themselves. His family is going to complain no matter what we do. And he fully supports my decision to not reserve tables or create a seating chart.

My question isn't if I should - it's how can I say NO in a polite manner

Assign tables/seating chart. You should reserve tables for immediate family and WP at least.

His family has a good point. I think they're probably saying this because they have your best interests in mind. You mentioned that his sister had open seating at her wedding and there were issues. You probably will too.

If you aren't open to completing a seating chart, just keep in mind that the blame will still fall on you and FH because you had an open seating chart.

Again, we are not open to a seating chart of any kind. Period! If people don't want to act their age, they will be shown the door. My family is too complicated no matter what I do and my dad & step mom will be put in an awkward position - with my mom & her family or alone at a table for 8. I refuse to do that. And with assigned tables, people are still going to do what they want so why waste my time?

Again, this isn't a reasons to do this or that it's how do I politely say NO to his mom

I think the way you have been telling this community is the proof that you don't need advice on "how to say no". Just tell them the same way you are telling us. It's simple- "no"!

I agree that assigning tables is the best way to go... Nothing worse than feeling like the new kid on the first day of junior high, standing around awkwardly trying to figure out where to sit.

However, if you're really that opposed to it, just say no. Since it's coming from your FMIL, your FH should be the one to say "thanks for your opinion, but we're going to have open seating for everyone."

I am not assigning seats or tables. Ha I am pretty sure that if I did everyone would be confused and think we were stuck up. Now I will have reserved tables for the parents and grandparents. I have a question, are your tables round or rectangle? We have 8' rectangle and placing 3 in a row to create long tables. This way is very hard to split up family's.

"Again, we are not open to a seating chart of any kind. Period! If people don't want to act their age, they will be shown the door."

WOW! Just WOW!

I'm confused why your mom only has two table options? Can't she sit at a table with other family members and/or friends? And if you're so against a seating chart, then be an adult and just say "no mom, i'm not making a seating chart" and leave it at that

Lol it's funny my fmil also does not want a seating chart because she doesn't want us to take the blame for anyone being unhappy with their seat. I on the other hand insist that we have one because I have always always appreciated being seated with people I knew at weddings. I really hate being stuck with people I don't know and separated from friends because there were no seats left at their table. We introverts got to watch out for each other, especially the single friends who really don't want to get stuck sitting with some old aunts and uncles from the other side!

Why seating arrangements work....

People always want to sit in the best seats and will grab whatever they can as fast as they can. Next thing you know... slow grandma is in the very back.

People will fight to find the best seat or move people's stuff. They won't get up for fear of losing a good seat. Your party seems dull and nobody is mingling.

Not everyone knows eachother. A good hosts seats people with other people they will enjoy company with. Imagine your left wing lesbian granola eating cousin accidentally sitting next to your FFIL'S Tea Party supporting golfing buddy.

Assigned seating only lasts til dinner anyways... after that people move around and mingle and visit.

By the way "hold guests accountable" it's your wedding.. you are the host... not the guests. Hold them accountable for not knowing where to sit? Wow...

I am not doing a seating chart either I think they are a PITA and everyone I know finds a seat just fine on their own at every wedding I have ever been to! Plus its an added expense as you need escort cards or some way to display that stupid seating chart. As to your actual question just let her know why you don't want to do a seating chart. Don't be mean but simply let her know that you don't believe you need one.

I'm not the one who will show people the door. My MOH told me she's doing that if anybody tries to create any issues. I didn't ask this of her - it's what she wants to do. I know better than to argue with her.

As for people not knowing each other being seated together - that happens regardless of a seating chart!

Simply saying no nicely - we both did numerous times and she won't drop it.

Holding them accountable for where they sit - regardless of who chooses where they sit, we will be blamed. Making them choose means they're wrongfully blaming us.

Yes, people are going to move around - so why spend hours planning when they're going to undo that?

Ultimately I just did table assignments (Mr & Mrs at table 1, Miss or Mr at table 2, etc) so she'd shut up. I had him review & approve of it first. It went to her with the note that regardless of what she thinks, no changes will be made. Period. Did that work? Not at all. It's not what she wanted still. "Reserved family tables are easier." "These people can't be together." (obviously she didn't look because they weren't.) "The family isn't at a single table." "These people need to move." (I knew they would which is why I noted each table can seat 10 guests so chairs can be moved from another table.) "This person needs to sit with this person because they don't know anybody." (My honest opinion wasn't shared - but it's a wedding. People who don't know each other will sit together. And seriously, grow the heck up!!!)

And I put a LOT of thought into where people would be. It took over 10 hours! Knowing that people are going to do what they want in the end anyway - not worth the 10+ hours I put into it. Seriously, it was way more hassle than I cared to take on, especially knowing it will be undone. With less than 1 1/2 weeks to go I gained 10lbs from the added stress of this task. I'm fortunate that 3lbs have come off and my dress has a corset - but I may have an issue tomorrow when it's time to slip into it.