Registering for a Cause

Maybe you can make up an excuse as to why you cannot take physical gifts? For us, we're getting married in the US to be close to my family but actually live and work in Germany. So we explained on the website (mostly for local family of mine) that we physically can't take gifts back with us. Maybe you're trying to move house? Renovations? Anything that you can blame it on would help make it clear without it feeling personal to the guests. Then on your website (if you have one) you put the donations page under the registry section. 😊🙏

I would make a small registry for those that want to give a physical gift, that's still a thing for many people. I wouldn't say anything about the donation, but take any money you're gifted and make a donation in your name. There are several reasons for this, most importantly, people may not agree with your choice of charity. Also, if they do a donation in their name, they may get put in a list of patrons and then get mail about it forever. Ask me how I know, lol.

I think that is soo cute, selfless and generous. You have your fiancé have good hearts. I didn't know people did this or was an option. I think you should continue to do the donation and if you have family members who just want to give a gift just let them. I don't think you need to create a registry or you can have your mom do it since she wants y'all to have it, just mention on the registry or registry card if they want to gift y'all you'll accept it as I'm sure y'all would.

I think the donation is perfectly fine. If someone wants to get a gift they can just buy you something on their own accord. No need to make a registry if you dont want to.

Different perspective: not everyone gives cash or finds charities as an alternative to be appropriate. Some people will end up giving you physical gifts no matter what and those have to be acknowledged. Some guests may decline altogether. The thing about charities, including when they are done as favors, is that people don’t appreciate being told to donate to an organization, especially if it is one they don’t agree with, and it is no one’s place to suggest they do either. When they are done as favors, what no one realizes is that it is something you do privately and you don’t put other people’s names on the donations because many charities will go after them instead of you to renew the donations at the end of the year.


Your mom is telling you to get a registry because she knows how things work with the family dynamic and that asking for cash or charity donations will not go over well with those guests. In which case, go for upgrades and things you want but would never spend your own money on if you don’t want to offend anyone.