Registry and House Fund!

Everybody knows how to write a check or stuff some bills in the envelope. You have a box for cards at the wedding.

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I guess we have seen so many people have honeyfunds, and or say "instead of gives we are accepting monetary donations" but nothing being required.

We have told those coming that we don't want gifts except them coming to our wedding.

I guess that makes sense, interesting. " A honeymoon isn’t necessary. " true, but we are combining ours with our wedding. If that's the logic then a bunch of expensive plates and things like that aren't necessary either, neither is a reception or any of the normal wedding traditions, right?

Thanks so much, this gives me something to think about.

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Yes, anytime you are soliciting for cash it is a bad idea. A registry is suggestions for gifts, and this is different than "Hey, thanks for coming....drop the check right over here." Any mentions of gifts, anywhere, is considered rude.

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That's only if you have a reception though. See I think that is rude, to have like a "tip jar" or a "box" set up. I've literally never been to a wedding that has that.

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Isn't better to say "instead of gifts we are doing this?"

This is such an interesting conversation. Thanks for replies and I didn't mean to hijack the original post.

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It's for CARDS. Not tips. Many people choose to put money in the card, but not all of them do. I bring a card to every wedding, even if I had sent a gift to their house previously.

What are your plans if you aren't hosting a reception? Are you inviting people to a ceremony? I can't even imagine having a fund set up for people who are not invited to donate to.

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We aren't having a reception because it simply isn't in our budget and it's a beach wedding in the sand, we are just going out to eat afterward that's it. We are paying for everyone but we don't have a private room or anything.

I paid for my 1/2 of my sister's wedding and so she could have a reception but she didn't do a card box or anything.

We only have 16 guests total because with the beach permit there are limits. We may have a reception here in California either before or after the wedding--we have seen it both ways for those who can't come to the destination and or weren't invited. It's pretty common in Los Angeles to have a small wedding and then have a celebration of some sort with more people at a later or earlier date. We haven't figured that out yet because it's expensive and we don't have a yard or house that we can host such a thing.

We set it up because lots of people were asking us, it's not like we were sending out emails, "hey we didn't invite you, now give us a gift" LOL but people have been asking what they can do or how they can contribute.

Lots of people I know have done honeyfunds and such so I didn't realize it would be considered rude.

I just took the registry--(where we had two stores and the honeyfund) off our website for now. It's interesting too though because so many people say that having a destination wedding is enough and you shouldn't have a registry but then my FH's parents and my friends have asked "where are you registered, do you have a honeyfund.

I've never brought a card to a wedding, I guess I don't go to big weddings.

A friend of mine got married last year and she and her husband didn't want gifts but required we donate $100 to a charity at their party pre-wedding- because their wedding was small and destination. Honestly, it's why I didn't go to that and then now we aren't friends anymore. She was really upset, but I didn't have $100 so I just said that I had to work and that was it for her.

No we are not eloping. We are having a small private wedding in Hawaii. Most people can't take off a week or more and travel to Hawaii to come to our wedding.

It's very common to have celebrations in your hometown when you do this. I have been to many myself with friends who have had small private ceremonies. I have also seen a lot of people who say one person is from Ireland and the other the US say Chicago and the couple lives in Los Angeles, they get married in either Ireland or Chicago--then have receptions or parties in both of the other places at a later date. Maybe it's because I live in Los Angeles that I see this kind of thing all the time, but it's very common.

I disagree that it's bad etiquette to not have a reception if you simply can't afford to have one. As well, having a reception for 16 people seems ridiculous. Everything we have read about destination weddings suggested to host a dinner the night of and that is what we are doing. None of our guests seem to be upset about this. We are also paying for everyone's meals and most of the things we have read don't even say to do that, but we feel like since we are asking people to come all the way to Hawaii (which is expensive) that we wanted to take everyone out to a dinner.

Ha no you aren't dumb, sorry I replied before I saw this LOL

View Quoted Comment Having a bad day at work and didn't finish reading like some jack🐴...I already emailed the mods...you don't deserve that rudeness on my part. Sorry!

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Oh you weren't rude!! Don't worry about it! I hope your day improves!!!

I think this conversation has been great!

View Quoted Comment No because it is tacky to mention gifts at all.

View Quoted Comment Literally never been to or invited to a wedding without a registers or mention of it on the website, not even one.

I wouldn’t flat out ask for money. My cousin her wedding this past weekend they set up mini buckets at the bar that said tips. Then it was a small sign that said for the bride and groom honeymoon. (It was her mom and my mom -her aunts idea) it worked out really well for them I’d say. Nearly 600$ 🤷🏼‍♀️ Then the uncles gathered around and did 5$ shots for people and got some more out of that. I’m planning my wedding too and might do the same idea for our honeymoon. Obviously we are going to pay on it but there’s nothing wrong with it if your FAMILY wants to help send you on a lovely vacation.

What did you do? LMAO everyone here is so judgy. Do whatever makes you happy. Everyone who comes to your wedding loves you and will want to make you happy. Whether you need a house, furniture, kitchen appliances, honeymoon trip, cooking classes... Just ask I would never judge/ not support someone's needs. I much prefer to give gifts that people need than gifts that'll be stowed away for 50 years and never used.

You can choose a cash fund on many of the bridal registry sites. I would NOT write anything about that on the invites though.. do it ONLY through a professional registry. https://www.zola.com/shop/honeymoon-cash-funds

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Agreed with Emma People are VERY quick to judge.. Must be all of the pre-wedding jitters... lol

Do whatever makes you happy. THIS DAY IS ABOUT YOU AND WHAT YOU WANT... PEOPLE ARE SO QUICK TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK, ON THEIR DAY... its very sad actually...

View Quoted Comment I know this is an old post but this comment really put me off. The purpose of wedding gifts is to help couples start their lives together. What does that mean? Appliances are cool but if you have them all already then the next step is to build a down payment for a home. So, no, it’s not gross and it actually makes a lot more sense to ask for money to help start your life with your new partner, whatever step you are on, than a honeymoon fund so you can waste a bunch of cash on a vacation.

So your judgy comment is...ew. Don’t talk. No. Just...no.

RE: House fund

Yikes, there are some pretty strong responses here... For anyone wondering if a house fund is acceptable, it is. End of the day, there are no rules for a wedding registry. People will always give money at weddings, it's just the way it is. You mine as well be upfront and let everyone know what would mean most to you and where that money will go if given. My fiance and I felt more awkward asking people to fund a honeymoon or vacation over a down payment. We also didn't need any home furnishings. We thought if people were going to give us money, it should be towards something that would help us build our future together. A home to plant roots and a start a family meant more than a vacation to us, but that was just us! And that is the beauty of it, every couple is different. I love Wedding Wire but Feather the Nest is another great website for home-related things. Whether it be an "our first home" money towards a down payment or upgrades and furnishings, it is all about how you word it. I would not suggest setting your funding goals at 200k to pay for the whole house, that's a little much, but there is no shame in setting the goal at 5k to put towards your dream home. 'Goal' being the keyword there! I hope this helps!

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Late to the game too, but I feel the same way, the comments rubbed me the wrong way.