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Just Said Yes October 2021

Registry - how to make it truly non-obligatory?

Hannah, on August 11, 2021 at 5:46 PM Posted in Registry 0 5
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Hi! My fiancé and I don’t necessarily want gifts or money from our guests as most of them will be traveling to come to the wedding and we feel like that is a gift in itself. However, there is some pressure (well -meaning and loving) from family who feel strongly about wanting to get us gifts. Would it be okay to have a small registry but not post it on our website and instead only send the link if someone specifically asks us for it? I don’t want people to have to put in a lot of legwork if they really want to get us a gift, but we also don’t want a gift to seem obligatory (which is how I feel it comes across by posting the info on the website).

5 Comments

Latest activity by Ingrid, on August 26, 2021 at 9:11 PM
  • Alyssa
    Super December 2021
    Alyssa ·
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    If people want to put money in a card, they will. Don’t put any registry information up if you truly don’t want gifts.
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  • Candace
    Super March 2022
    Candace ·
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    That sounds fine to me. You can send it on an only-if-asked basis. However, if there's nothing stated in the invitation or the website, you will receive gifts. Even if you state, "we don't want gifts", wedding guests will always give a gift. As a guest I always want to give something that the couple specifically asked for and if they say no gifts, I give a gift card lol


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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    I would ALWAYS give money at a wedding, unless a couple specifically stated not to give anything. So, “hiding” the registry won’t stop people from giving cash, I wouldn’t think. If anything you could put something on your website about how “your presence is our present” and how much you appreciate people putting in time and energy into traveling for your big day. I would need to see something like that to be deterred (and even then I might give a small something still , but would definitely feel less “obligated”)
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  • Samantha
    Super May 2022
    Samantha ·
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    I agree with PPs. People will bring something, even cash, if nothing is said about gifts. And having a secret registry might make people feel left out or wierd if they get wind of it.

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  • Ingrid
    Dedicated September 2022
    Ingrid ·
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    This is what we posted on our website under registry as we have been living together for over 5 years and have children lol - which most of our guests are aware of.

    "The bride and groom request your presence not presents. If you are thinking of giving a gift, a gift of cash towards the honeymoon, would really make their day! However, if you prefer to purchase a gift or card, feel free to surprise them in your own way"

    We also are not doing favors and are asking for donations towards a charity in memory of some of our family members- we added this to our registry section of our website too so people are aware the gifts/money are really not wanted and expected

    Hope this helps Smiley smile

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