Registry inappropriate?

First of all, I think it is incredibly considerate of you to think of your guests who will be traveling quite a distance for your wedding. That being said, I don’t see why you shouldn’t have a registry; especially if your French native fiancé feels it is appropriate. If you do not want your US friends/family purchasing gifts for you, you could only provide them the registry if they request it. Or, if you are going to put your registry on a personal wedding website that everyone will have access to, you could reach out to your US guests who RSVP yes, and just let them know that their presence at your wedding should be considered their gift.

Having a registry doesn’t mean someone has to buy from it. I had people come without a gift, some with money, and some with a gift of their own ( not from our registry). I say have one but be expected for people not to buy from it. Also, some people might ask where registered, but don’t push it on anyone.

You can still have a registry. Just tell American guests to not feel obligated to buy any gifts if they are traveling across the pond.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this!

After the wedding, will you be flying internationally with a bunch of gifts, or are you local to your venue?


I don't find physical gifts practical for a destination wedding, for the guests or the couple.
You could do a registry and only provide it if asked.
Don't do a honeyfund.

Definitely do a registry. Countless people do not give cash gifts for any occasion or contribute to honeyfunds and will gift you things that you don't want and can't return anywhere. Make it easier on them by having a registry to shop from.

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Chrysta makes a very great point in her post! I also agree with PP saying that you can still have one. If traveling with physical gifts is an issue, just have your address as the shipping destination for them!

Most (not all) guests don't travel with gifts. They ship them to your home just before the wedding.

You can still have a registry and then it is up to the guest if they want to buy you a gift.

It is a sweet gestures to consider forgoing a registry, but it could come across the opposite. My assumption if a couple does not have a registry is that they expect cash (which I’m fine with) but my older relatives think asking for cash via lack of registry is rude. It may be good to keep the registry small and offer plenty of lower value items, to hint that extravagant gifts are not expected.
I’ve also seen couples write a really nice note on a website saying they value your attendance and please do not feel the need to bring a gift, and then spread the word verbally (through family/wedding party) that gifts are truly not expected.

View Quoted Comment Thank you that’s a great idea to maybe reach out directly!

View Quoted Comment This is a really good point because I definitely don’t want anyone thinking I’m requesting cash in this scenario, so thank you!

View Quoted Comment I agree. I don’t want to make it more difficult for anyone, I just also didn’t want anyone to feel obligated lol.

I understand feeling kind of odd asking people to spend more money by getting you a gift. But it’s optional to purchase the couple a gift. I would create a registry and let your guests decide if they want to purchase a gift or not.

View Quoted Comment No one feels obligated either way. People either give gifts or cash and don't stray from that no matter the situation. Guests want to know what you want for gifts, hence a registry wish list to make it easier on them. List it on your website and spread by word of mouth if anyone asks, It makes it harder for them actually when there is no registry. Trust that they are adults who have experience attending weddings and sending gifts cross-country. Don't overthink it.

I do not find anything wrong with just having a registry there as an option for if people wanted to gift you something. not everyone is going to give you something but for those who are, it's nice they have something to refer to

It's a good idea to have one. People can choose to get you something if they would like.

Another thing to note is having a registry with a variety of priced gifts! If I were traveling to your wedding I would probably want to get you something but maybe spend less- look for options under 100 or 50 bucks to add to your registry

US couple here. We lived together for 3-4 years before getting married so didn't want/need a registry and opted not to do one. Registries are traditional in the US too, but that doesn't mean you have to do one, and they are growing increasingly less necessary and less common because so many couples cohabitate before marriage now. Very few weddings we have gone to in recent years have had a registry. Perhaps opting out of the registry is less common in France.

It would be good to have gifts of various price ranges and can also be nice for those who cannot attend to have something to give you in lieu of their presence.

We ended up having a Covid elopement this May with just 8 guests in attendance and planned to do the full wedding next June but now it looks like that won't be possible. Since our wedding was called off at the last minute and we still eloped anyway, we got some cash gifts from people (many of them my mom's friends, who weren't invited to the wedding at all and some of whom I don't even know) and a few physical gifts (none of which we want, so now we are trying to figure out what to do with them). I feel like people are stubborn about weddings and some are going to give you gifts whether you want them or not and some will insist on physical gifts and some will ignore your registry completely even if it exists.

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That's a great idea, to offer a good amount of lower priced items on the registry.. that way the guests can still purchase a little something and I don't feel as bad about the amount spent! Lol thank you!