Registry, Money, or Nothing?

It's up to you!

Do you have things you want to register for? Items to upgrade, or things that you need? Most registries will give you a coupon to use on any leftover items, which can come in handy if there's something you really want.

(There shouldn't be duplicates or different versions of items if people follow the registry, though, but most items should have a return option if that happens.)

Even if you do have a registry, I'd still have a card box at your wedding for guests that bring cards/cash. You can assume people that want to will bring cards/cash - it's not something you really ask for unless you set up something like a honeymoon fund link.

We registered, but ended up not having a shower due to COVID. A few people still bought us gifts, though most of our guests brought cards/cash to the wedding.

Whether you choose to have a registry or a wishing well (asking for money that is) or anything else, it is important to note that gifting is *mostly* optional (see my next comment re etiquette) and gifting etiquette varies quite a bit depending on region and culture.

I come from a background in which not bringing a gift is seen as terribly rude, and where I live, wishing wells are commonplace. We are having a wishing well at our own wedding and have no shame in it because it is what our crowd is used to, and frankly, we already have everything we need (meanwhile some women on WW think I am classless for having a wishing well because it's not their norm). With that said, if you have a wishing well, be prepared that some people will bring physical gifts (or nothing). Just the same, if you have a registry, be prepared that people will deviate from it. What you ask for is generally a guide for your guests, if they choose to follow it (if giving a gift), that is their call.

From what you have said, it sounds like your wedding is a destination wedding (or semi-destination). It is ok to still have a wishing well or registry but be mindful that your guests may be less generous or less likely to gift, period, due to the cost of attending your wedding.

Even if you register or don’t register, people will opt to give you what they want. For instance at my bridal shower I got many gifts that weren’t on my registry. So if you register and have mixed options that could be something to consider. Mixed options could be having some honeymoon funds and having traditional items people can get for you or even just gift cards. All you’re really doing is providing the options people can choose from - doesn’t mean they’ll actually choose it.

Fiance and I both grew up with guests buying off the registry (at least 2-3 different stores so at least 1 is local for any given group.. in a wide range of prices).and everyone we know still does the same, including friends across the country and overseas. Countless people do not give cash for any occasion and find it rude to request that cash is the only gift option. Our families and friends would be horrified if we asked for cash...even the most laid back folks.


People still have card baskets but no one brings cash or gift cards.

We are opting to do a honeyfund

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Where I am from, cash gifts are all the rage We do wishing wells where people generally give cash in a card dropped in a cute little box of some sort at the wedding. I personally don't see how asking for cash is any more 'rude' than asking people to buy specific gifts but hey, each to their own.

That's all up to you!

We've been to weddings that had registries at multiple stores, some had both a registry AND a cash fund on their registry. We've also seen where they only asked for a monetary gift because the couple didn't have any registry items they needed.

You just need to have whatever kind of registry you think is appropriate for you both.

Are there items you actually want to register for? If there are just a few things you want, like some kitchen upgrades, you could do a small registry and then add a cash/honeymoon fund, or once the registry runs out people will just bring cash. Don't register for items just for the sake of having a registry, but some guests probably would prefer to purchase a tangible item and you would probably prefer getting items you want rather than random things someone else picked.

We did our registry through Zola, and we were able to register for kitchen items we wanted plus gift cards (mainly Lowes for home improvement stuff) and a honeymoon fund, all in one place.

One of our friends did a contribute to our honeymoon or contribute to us buying a house. Either way they just asked for money. It is also because they lived together for a while. My fiance and I will be together for 8 years next weekend and are getting married next year. I think we will do the same. We have lived together for so long we have all the appliances and such- but it is up to you.

I would say if there are things you want or need, a registry is great. My finance and I have been together for 8 years and have bought 2 house together so we are pretty settled in our lives already and don't really need a lot of registry type items. I still plan on having a registry but will not have as many items on the list, but will also list a honeymoon fund so people can give us money instead.

Since we've been living together for a while we're asking for money to put towards our forever home.

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Are you still having a bridal shower? How are you going about asking for the forever home funds? We've been together 8 years and don't have much to add to our registry. His family still wants me to have a bridal shower, but honestly that won't leave much for wedding gifts. So I was trying to think of a way to give them the option.

One way of asking for money by not asking for money is to just not register anywhere. If you do that, I wouldn't have a shower. A friend of our's did this. I always feel weird giving folks cash, so I gave them a date night wallet. It was full of gift cards: Visa, restaurants, movie theatres, pizza places, etc.

Alternatively, you could keep a very minimal registry with some upgrades: towels, silverware, pots and pans, and some decor. By keeping a short registry, it'll "force" some folks to gift money.... or random items that you don't register for (which they'll do anyway).

We did not want a registry, but I do think it is rude to ask for money. If you make no mention of gifts at all, most guests will simply give you a check or cash and a nice card.

Some people will still feel compelled to buy you a physical gift, but these people are unlikely to be dissuaded even if you explicitly said you didn't want gifts or preferred money instead. There will always be people who do what they want vs what you ask for.