regret eloping

I did exactly what Celia said and couldn't be happier.

ETA: We are still having a reception for friends and family. It's going to be casual to save on fuss and money. That is a nice way to still get to celebrate with everyone without all the crazy expense and stress.

I eloped when I married my ex husband. I totally regret doing it for many reasons. Mainly because my family was extremely hurt about not being included and held it against my ex husband for many years.

You have to come to a decision that makes both of you happy.

I'm less than a year from my wedding and I've been debating on elopement or not.. Hahah and I'm still debating it, but thank goodness I haven't booked anything yet...

Sounds like a small destination wedding with close family and a couple close friends is up your alley

I can understand wanting to elope. Several times in this process I've wished we had. But when it comes to a couple where one wants to elope and one wants a wedding I truly believe the right thing to do is have a wedding. I know it's hassle and stress and money. But that's something you do for your partner when something is important to them. And to someone who feels weddings are a big deal, not having one would be awful. What's a little hassle when compared to giving your partner something really important to them? Really here what I would do is to come to some kind of middle ground where you plan a small, simple wedding at home. Perhaps something more casual with just intimate family and friends. Maybe a cake and punch reception or just a simple meal? Perhaps wear just a "white dress" rather than a traditional wedding gown if that makes sense. Something to give him the wedding he wants and so your family can see you two wed but with less planning involved.

The "right thing to do?" The right thing to do is for both people do figure out what works for both of them. It's rarely a 'little hassle"; it's thousands of dollars, hours of effort and boatloads of anxiety, stress and work.

I'm the one with the recent BAM!! We haven't been married long..just a week.. but I don't have any regrets and I don't think I will. We had such a good time it being just the two of us, I can't imagine it being any better.

We both wanted it that way 100% though. We started off wanting the whole big wedding and slowly cut it down to just us. When we were planning I looked at a bunch of places that offer small weddings. That could be something you could do. Just make sure you are both on the same page!

Compromise. I wanted to do a city hall wedding, I just wanted to get married but I also wanted to walk down an aisle...., in a big wedding dress deep down. So, we are.

My point is have a small wedding, some girl here is doing a BBQ backyard wedding! That's a great idea, it's so casual and relaxing. Just family and friends, getting together to celebrate your relationship. That is the point of a wedding! Not the money, or food,..,,presents. Being with your loved ones!

I have gone back and forth between whether we should have eloped or had a big wedding. He was married before (they eloped) and I have never been married, so the big wedding seemed like the way to go. Our guest list got out of control, I felt like I was in over my head, and at one point wanted to elope. Last week I had a "bridal breakdown" and told my mom she should have let me have my small beach wedding, but now I'm starting to feel better about the big wedding. I think for me, it had to all cycle through. I realize, I would be happy either way, I'm marrying my favorite person. Good luck!

You're a little deeper than thinking about an elopement. You've put a deposit down on a venue. What would it cost to you to lose that deposit? Is there any way your venue could take that deposit and put it towards a much smaller, intimate wedding that might fulfill his dreams and your dreams?

Intimate weddings can be just as beautiful...

My husband and I eloped 5 years ago. And I don't mean "elope" as in invited some people and had a small wedding, I mean we filed for our license and on a Thursday after the few days waiting period we eloped. We told no one, literally no one that we were doing it. We had to call friends until we found two that were available immediately to be our witnesses. I don't regret the way we did it for one second. I know that our parents were hurt, but we did what was right by us. It was beautiful and intimate and I can't explain how perfect it was. Now we are planning our vow renewal for next year and our parents are really excited. I am so happy we did it this way because all the "bullshit" that comes with wedding planning is just not an issue. Our guest list consists of those who have stood by us and supported our marriage the past 5 years. There are things like cake, favors, etc that we just don't find necessary and we are saving that way. Planning is just easy and relatively stress free and I am so glad We did it this way. Everyone is different and you have to do what is right by you and your FH. Compromise is a good suggestion. Good luck!

I second the small destination wedding with immediate family.

Otherwise _ I'd totally be a dude about it- tell him: "okay you want a wedding- you plan it- tell me what to wear and when to show up" and let him deal with it.

I swear he knows me too well. We were at dinner tonight and he said so you really don't want a wedding. I told him not really, but I know he does and now we're still at a stalemate.

It's all depends on your and your FH. I had always imagined a bigger wedding. FH wanted immediate family only. We ended up with aunt/uncles, close friends and immediate family. It was a good comprise for the two of us. You two need to find a compromise between the two of you. As much as some of the wedding has been stressful we kept it simple and I feel like I would have regretted an elopement, though FH I don't know would have.

1. An elopement is a wedding, just a very small one. So you're not really talking about having an elopement or a wedding, you're talking about how many guests you'll have at your wedding. Surely you can come to a compromise on that?

2. If he's the one who wants a larger wedding, and you don't want to plan a wedding and don't want to deal with choosing invitations, or any wedding bullshit, one potential compromise is obvious: you have the size wedding he wants, but he does the planning. If he's not willing to plan it, he doesn't get to tell you that you should.

Also to weigh in-- there's an app (sorry, I don't have the link) that will compute for you how much money you could have had if you'd saved all that money you blew on your wedding. I guess they're assuming you'd invest instead of just spending elsewhere... still, it's something else to consider.

Go for the refund if you can, and re-book later if you have to.

I know a lot of brides would KILL to elope, and I thought about it too (but more out of desperation, which isn't a great motive).

Consider why it's important to him to have people there, and what people they are, and weigh hat against your reasons for downsizing. Maybe a small intimate wedding with select family is a possibility? I like @Jarika's idea; elope for the wedding part, and throw a non-wedding reception with email invites at a nice restaurant.

When I got engaged, I told FH that I wanted to elope. He wanted the whole wedding and reception. We compromised. He gets the wedding and reception he wants and I picked the theme and colors and I also had the stipulation that we don't spend a lot of money.