Regretting my bridesmaid choice

Honestly it isn't her job to help plan your wedding. That's up to you and your fiance. However she also shouldn't be rude. Have you tried discussing her attitude with her?

View Quoted Comment I should clarify.. when I meant planning, I meant about the bachelorette party. She offered to help my sister, and then stopped corresponding with her and has ultimately decided to not help at all.

View Quoted Comment That's odd. Maybe she has something going on that you aren't aware of. Have you tried talking to her to see if maybe there is more to the story?

You don't need her negativity bringing you down. Have a heart to heart with her and explain how her actions and behaviors are making you feel. If she doesn't shape up, remove her from the bridal party after discussing it with your fiance. It'll only get worse from here if her behavior continues unchecked.

I'm in the exact same boat with my future SIL. I asked her to be a bridesmaid last year when we got engaged and because of covid we delayed until April. I thought she and I were pretty close and I thought this would help us bond even more. I really wanted to include her. For some reason she has become incredibly distant and aloof with me and being rude to my MOH in their separate conversations about wedding shower/bach party plans. She very awkwardly didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid for her own wedding and didn't seem to care about warning me before I saw posts on social media from other girls. I really wanted to be close to her and it's so hard to ignore her attitude and unwillingness to participate. I only have 4 people so the party is very small already, so having one person not wanting to be involved in anything is really disappointing. I can't ask her if she would rather step down because we're going to be family and I never wanted drama. I know I have to just suck it up and pretend like it doesn't bother me, but I'm so hurt by this and wish she would explain what's going on. I've tried to discuss it with her and not getting anywhere.

I am in a similar situation with my cousin, she refuses to do anything and it’s like pulling teeth trying to get her to get fitted for her dress or do anything, so I finally gave up realized I’m powerless in this situation cause it will stir up a lot of issues for me and decided. I’m not her keeper or babysitter. If she comes she comes, if she doesn’t she doesn’t it is no longer my responsibility to take care of an adult in anyway. Plus talking with her on the phone or seeing her at a function is even more frustrating. So let it be do what you have to do for your wedding day and just allow whatever god’s decision is on this one. Cause quite frankly I’m over it. I’m tired of being miserable and not being happy for my own day. As you should do the same and go enjoy the happiness of your wedding and leave her be.

Bridesmaids should only be among those who are in your closest innermost supportive social circle of best friends and family. Don’t ever ask anyone out of obligation to please others. Siblings and in laws should not be asked unless they are your BFFs because that is not an opportunity to get to know each other. You can’t ask anyone to step down unless you are ok with the relationship ending permanently.


Also, don’t ask anyone before 6 months before the wedding. Be very clear with expectations including expenses before you ask anyone. It is not their responsibility to help you plan you plan your wedding. That is your fiancé’s job. The only requirement of a bridesmaid is purchasing a dress and showing up on your wedding day to support you.