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Tiffany
Savvy October 2020

Rehearsal Dinner Advice

Tiffany, on October 13, 2019 at 10:13 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 25
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My future mother in law offered and is insisting to pay for rehearsal dinner which I thought was super sweet. However, she then told me she picks the venue and the only people that should be there is the wedding party & parents (not spouses or significant others). I explained they spouses or plus ones are usually included but she insists not. It was super awkward convo. Also thats not how we do it in my family. So naturally my mom would assume her boyfriend was invited as well as my sisters’ would assume their husbands were included. Plus, I just find it rude to not let them have a plus one. Not sure what to do. Do I offer to pay for spouses & plus ones? Or do I just tell my family plus ones are not invited? Afraid feathers will be ruffled on one side or the other ... Any advise?

25 Comments

Latest activity by Tara, on October 18, 2019 at 9:26 AM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    A spouse is not a plus one. A couple is a social unit. Offering to pay for those guests may be a good way to get it to happen. I would also speak with your fiance and see what he thinks. It's his mother after all.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I would tell her that you appreciate her offer to host the RD, however, you’ll have to decline because having spouses and significant others there is a priority for you.
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  • Tiffany
    Savvy October 2020
    Tiffany ·
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    I have told him and he seemed a little hesitant to get involved. I think she may being trying to keep costs down and I don’t want to offend her but I think I will just bite the bullet and tell her we will pay for the extras.
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  • Tiffany
    Savvy October 2020
    Tiffany ·
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    It may come to that. I am wrong in thinking that spouses are usually included even if they are not in the wedding?
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  • Allyson
    Devoted February 2020
    Allyson ·
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    This same thing happened to me with my friend who is throwing my dinner... it was really awkward, but it worked out in the end. I’m sorry, I know how extremely frustrating this is because I know how it feels to be told that it’s only meant for the bridal party and no one else. That is not the way that I see it, it’s super rude to not include SO’s!
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    No, they should be and typically are.
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  • Tosha Fay
    Devoted April 2021
    Tosha Fay ·
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    I think offering to pay for the extra people would be a great compromise. What does your fiance say about the situation?

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  • Alyssa
    Super December 2021
    Alyssa ·
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    If she wants to piss off a lot of people, she can agree to have the RD this way.
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  • Tiffany
    Savvy October 2020
    Tiffany ·
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    I think he feels awkward about the whole thing. Which I totally get Smiley smile
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  • Tiffany
    Savvy October 2020
    Tiffany ·
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    Right! That’s what I was thinking. I think my family would find it rude Smiley sad
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  • Tosha Fay
    Devoted April 2021
    Tosha Fay ·
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    Ultimately it is your wedding and I personally would address it. I think letting her know that you're not comfortable excluding family members from the RD and you're happy to pay for the others she was not expecting.

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  • Tiffany
    Savvy October 2020
    Tiffany ·
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    By the way if we get past this weird situation, Do we have input on where its at? Or is that something she would solely pick on her own?
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  • M
    Expert September 2020
    Marcia ·
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    I would offer to pay for the significant others. I wouldn’t want to attend without my spouse and if I did, I would definitely leave as soon as I could, especially if we were out of town.
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  • Megan
    Expert October 2019
    Megan ·
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    I had 20 people at my RD. Every person who was a couple unit had an invite for their partner as well. My MOHs hubby chose not to come so they didnt have a find a babysitter but I would have considered it rude to not invite the SOs.
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  • Rebecca
    Savvy December 2020
    Rebecca ·
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    I agree with this. If a couple is married or in a committed relationship (use your judgement here) I think their partner should be invited to the rehearsal dinner. During the actual rehearsal part they may not be so much needed, but can sit in the audience, assist with cues, clean up, etc. but the dinner itself is a social occasion and should be there. If your mother in law doesn’t want to cover that it’s fine, what she is covering is still generous. To avoid any ruffled feathers, agree to disagree and just offer to pay for the additional people.
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  • A
    Just Said Yes June 2021
    Angela ·
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    Well if you think about it the so's are only there for a free meal.
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  • Paola
    Beginner February 2020
    Paola ·
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    If you can afford to pay for the RD, then respectfully decline, she won’t like it, but it is your wedding and these are your guests. If you can’t afford it, then accept with a smile and candidly assume you will be paying for all those who are not in her list, you don’t want to abuse her generosity. That being said, she is rude, trying to take control and making sure you know who’s the boss, but given the circumstances, it’s not even worth it for you to think much of it, just move on and try to accommodate, without letting anyone ruin your nuptials. It’s a celebration of love and the message should be delivered at all levels. Good luck and congratulations!
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  • Susan
    Dedicated November 2019
    Susan ·
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    My mother in law is doing something similar. She said that she knows its tradition to pay. I told her that since nothing else has been traditional about this whole wedding it was nice but not necessary. She insisted, and then said that we have to have it at a "pretty cheap place" and that she will pick and choose that night who she pays for and who she doesnt. Like....WHAT? I am a foodie, with a tiny bridal party and small family. There are maaaaaybe 15 people attending, and I wanted to do it at a local restaurant where I know the Chef. She wants it at Olive Garden. Sigh

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  • Danielle
    Expert May 2021
    Danielle ·
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    You have to tell her that's not acceptable. You won't exclude those family members. Maybe you can pay for the ones she doesn't want to but absolutely invite them.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I think it's good if you offer to pay for the spouses and plus ones
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