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Savvy October 2020

Rehearsal Dinner Advice

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Tiffany, on October 13, 2019 at 10:13 PM

My future mother in law offered and is insisting to pay for rehearsal dinner which I thought was super sweet. However, she then told me she picks the venue and the only people that should be there is the wedding party & parents (not spouses or significant others). I explained they spouses or plus ones are usually included but she insists not. It was super awkward convo. Also thats not how we do it in my family. So naturally my mom would assume her boyfriend was invited as well as my sisters’ would assume their husbands were included. Plus, I just find it rude to not let them have a plus one. Not sure what to do. Do I offer to pay for spouses & plus ones? Or do I just tell my family plus ones are not invited? Afraid feathers will be ruffled on one side or the other ... Any advise?

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25 Comments

Legend July 2019
MrsD · on October 14, 2019 at 1:01 PM
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It's super rude not to include significant others or plus ones. I would have your fiance talk to her, and let her know if she can't include the proper amount of people then you guys can pay for the rehearsal dinner.
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Dedicated October 2020
Neena · on October 14, 2019 at 1:13 PM
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As much as I agree that spouses are a social unit and not a plus one I personally do not think they should automatically get an invite to the rehearsal dinner. If they are not involved in the wedding then they are not obligated to be invited. People are so sensitive and take such offense to that. It’s literally a few hours... you will survive without your spouse lol. Chill!
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Lady · on October 14, 2019 at 2:24 PM
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Spouses/SO's/dates should absolutely be invited to the rehearsal. If she refuses to budge I think you should decline her offer and host the RD that you and your H can afford.
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Master May 2020
Kari · on October 14, 2019 at 5:09 PM
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The rehearsal dinner typically includes the couple, parents of the couple, wedding party, anyone else significantly involved in the ceremony (such as friend who is a officiating or a cousin doing a reading) and the spouses and significant others of those previously listed.
Your FMIL may feel like she is required to pay for the rehearsal dinner because tradition dictates this is her responsibility. However all those dinners add up and she is probably trying to keep the cost reasonable, particularly if your wedding parties are on the larger side and she feels they are excessive. If you can pay for the spouses and SOs that you want to attend then I would offer that. Say how important it is to you that these people are included. You can also recommend a less expensive/less formal venue so that the overall cost is about the same.
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VIP November 2016
Tara · on October 18, 2019 at 9:26 AM
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I would absolutely offer to pay the other portion. That's dumb and just plain odd to me!!! I've heard of that happening before and I think it's so strange. There's no reason your bridal party can't invite their spouses!!! I wouldn't even want to go if I was in the bridal party and couldn't bring my husband. I think the biggest thing is you don't have an issue with significant others attending, so why would she?! And honestly it's not that many more people. Also, it's your wedding and you should do everything relating to it the way you want!
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