Rehearsal dinner and wedding shower together

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No we are paying for them. Rehearsal dinner is set at Chima Brazilian Restaurant

I would avoid mixing the two of them. Mostly for things previously stated but also because you wouldn’t want to drive home to a bunch of presents you’ll have to open later. I say have a bridal shower with the locals and a rehearsal dinner with everyone from out of town. Is best this way! There’s A LOT going on last minute and mixing two events would be complicated not to mention you’ll need to have also males which increases the amount of attendies.
Now as far as the self pay I recommend you also treat your wedding party and plus one if your budget allows it. Simply because how much they spend on the wedding cost itself.

View Quoted Comment Then it's completely different. OP is talking about asking her guests to pay and PP was remarking how ridiculous that is after all the other expenses associated with attending a wedding. Either you misunderstood her or you are contradicting yourself.

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Well, the issue here whether or not you agree to pay the rehearsal dinner meal as a guest. I added a fact that each guest is different. Some can afford, others cannot. Some are able to pay, some cannot. I am fully aware of the issue. You do not need to repeat yourself. Thank you.

View Quoted Comment Just because someone can afford something doesnt mean it's right to ask for it. Or at least thats how I was brought up.

View Quoted Comment My family all decided amongst themselves thats what they were doing. We did not ask them to based on other circumstances. Because the dinner was at a restaurant with so many varying likes and dislikes and requirements. I just didnt feel the need to write a novel about our family

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I do think it's just a lot at the last minute. Who was paying for the rehearsal was never the questuon really. Somehow everyone was fixated on that one aspect.

View Quoted Comment I'm really thinking of not doing a shower at all or shower and no rehearsal dinner. Only because of the timing on mine.

View Quoted Comment I was not trying to be rude. I was just saying how I would feel. The rehearsal is typically the day before the wedding.

I went to a wedding where most people were from out of town and they had a bridal shower for brunch/lunch before the rehearsal dinner. You need to eat lunch anyway so why not enjoy it with the ladies in your life. With funds getting tight around the big day, you could limit what you serve to pastries and light refreshments. If you are hosting the shower yourself, I'd probably call it a "ladie's lunch" so it doesn't sound like a gift grab. Some people will say it's bad etiquette to host a party for yourself where gifts are expected. Changing the name will allow you to enjoy the company of your guests without anyone feeling the burden of an extra expense.

View Quoted Comment Colleen i did not think you were being rude. Thanks for the feedback

View Quoted Comment Great idea Haley. Thank you. I really wss never expecting gifts. That was an assumption.

This seems odd, since the shower is supposed to be 1-3 months prior and is a party for the bride & groom, while the RD is always the night before and is a party for the wedding party & family. So I'm not sure how you could combine both?