So I'm in between a rock and a hard place regarding the rehearsal dinner. My fiance strictly wants a small and intimate rehearsal with just the wedding party and those people close and special to us (our immediate family, best man and spouse, maid of honor and spouse, and 2 more of my extended family).
I told my mother who is graciously hosting the dinner this months ago and she was fine with the list for the rehearsal. Now, it's time to start sending out invitations and I mentioned that the rest of our extended family wouldn't be invited. My mom has 5 other sisters and brothers who are extremely close and coming from out of town. We're Asian and respect and hospitality are a big thing. My fiance is American so I guess there is a cultural divide. Naturally, she freaked out stating they must be invited and it would be extremely rude not to include them.
My fiance doesn't want any more guests to join the dinner and keep it small and won't budge on this. My mother seems dug in too. I see both sides. My mother seeing it not as a big deal to invite 3-5 more guests, and selfish and disrespectful on our part not to invite them. My fiance seeing it as my mother taking control of what she envisions as her wedding. She doesn't want to be meeting people for the first time at her rehearsal which is understandable. Fiance also said that if we invite my entire extended family, she'll have to invite hers, which is 10 people, and would double the rehearsal from 15 to 30 people. The fact that my mother is paying for the rehearsal doesn't sway her, as she has volunteered to host it herself, which I think would only create more issues. My mother is too polite to back out of hosting the dinner and would just like to have my aunts and uncles there as well which I admittedly am close with.
I've been playing messenger between the two and it's definitely going to be an issue. I don't see how everyone can be happy in this situation, someone will have to concede. How do I approach this without stepping in it?
