Rehearsal Dinner Disaster

Unfortunately it's not a requirement that he cover the rehearsal dinner.

I say change your plans to something you can afford to host. If you do a quick rehearsal with just the relevant people and then do pizza and beer at someone's home that's plenty in my humble opinion. The rehearsal dinner is supposed to be less formal than the wedding anyways, so do what you can to thank the people for coming to practice and call it a day.

Lots of people aren't good with money and budgeting, and it's pretty common to not really understand how much an event will cost to host if you haven't done any research. So, it's not surprising that he rescinded his offer once he realized he couldn't actually afford it.

I definitely wouldn't ask your parents for more money but would just plan something you and your future spouse can afford (Courtney has good ideas about an affordable event). But also remember that a rehearsal itself isn't strictly necessary, and if you don't have a rehearsal, you don't need to provide a meal for it. So if it's really not in your budget, then cancel it.

Oh that's a tough situation. Is there any way you could split it with him, he pays half and you pay half? Maybe he'd be ok with that amount? Or maybe your parents could split it with him? If there's somewhere you could cut some costs you wouldn't go over your parent's budget. (I know how hard it is to find places to cut though.) Maybe he didn't realize how much rehearsal dinners cost. If your parents do end of paying for the entire thing, I'm sure they can put aside the tension for the your big day. Something always seems to come up with money unfortunately. Whatever happens, your day will be amazing, so don't let it stress you out too much.

My friend did this at the hotel! So many out of towners that she wanted to see before the wedding chaos that she felt she'd be missing out on seeing people if she had a formal rehearsal dinner. She had food and snacks in the hotel lounge area, people came and went, we paid for our own drinks so it was more affordable for her. It was a lot of fun!

Pay for it yourselves. Although it is nice when parents offer to pay for things, it is no one's responsibility except for yours and your future spouse. It certainly stinks that he did offer and then backed out - is the location or event you were planning too elaborate or expensive? As others have said, it does not need to be anything fancy. Pizza, Italian, or Mexican are all affordable options that you could host at someone's home in a very casual environment.

It's crazy to have your guests drive 5 hours to attend a rehearsal dinner the night before a wedding. Like. Oh my god I can't even imagine the audacity.

Point out the logistical difficulty of that. You'll have to drive that far out there and then get over to your venue by the next morning. That does not make for a restful night before your wedding.

Also, 5 hours is a flight for some people. Like. His request is not at all reasonable.

Either plan a RD that he can afford (maybe it's pizza and beer, maybe a sandwich tray) or pay for it yourselves!

Yes, of course having the "rehearsal dinner" 5 hours away from the venue isn't reasonable. But neither is your parents view that it's "disrespectful" for YOU to pay for your own rehearsal dinner. I'm sorry but that doesn't even make sense and I would disregard that.

Stop talking about your future father-in-law's finances and plans with your parents. Just pay for it yourself (if you decide you need a rehearsal at all) and move on with your planning. This isn't actually a disaster, I promise.

I'd also suggest a low-budget and low-key option that you can afford. We're just going to a nearby park and doing pizza and beer. Honestly, that time to just hang out and relax without it being super formal is nice. I was in a friend's wedding a few years ago where the rehearsal dinner was at a park. The groom's (Mexican) family made tacos and burritos and it was really chill and nice.

Moved comment elsewhere