Rehearsal dinner guest list

I think would depend on how many out of town guests there are? If there’s a lot then definitely just keep it simple but if there’s only a few then just invite them

A lot of people do choose to include out of town guests, but by no means is it mandatory. If you FFIL is paying for it & wants to include those people, go ahead! (Assuming your WANT to, that is)

Typically a rehearsal dinner is very casual and inexpensive, but it can be elaborate if the hosts choose. Not every family of the groom covers costs anymore.


But yes the rehearsal dinner is for those involved in the wedding ceremony and their significant others. It's a thank you for taking time out of their schedule to practice the ins and outs.
A welcome dinner is entirely optional and dependent on many factors: are there alot of guests, can you afford it, etc? While it's nice to have if it's feasible and affordable, your out of the area guests will not be slighted if there isn't one.

It is definitely not mandatory, but that being said, if your future FIL is paying then he should get a say in the decision. We personally chose to invite all extended family and out of town guests, and we had a blast and loved every minute of it, but this was simply something that we knew we wanted. I've been to both kinds of rehearsal dinners (ones with all out of town guests invited and ones with just the wedding party, their significant others, and immediate family) and they were all lovely. Maybe you and your partner could have a conversation with your FIL about how you envision your rehearsal dinner, but since he's paying, I think he should have a fair amount of input in the decision

Nothing is mandatory, but it is a Thing to invite out of town guests. The idea is to give them a little extra thanks since they've spent more money (plane tickets, hotel, time off work etc) to come to the wedding.

If your FIL is paying for it, what's the harm? That's how I would view it.

It's pretty common to include out of town guests in the rehearsal dinner, though not required. Since your IL's are hosting the rehearsal dinner the guest list is their choice, and it sounds like inviting out of town guests is something that is normally done and expected in their circle. If you really don't want to go along with it, you can always decline their offer to host and pay for the rehearsal dinner yourselves.

It definitely depends on the number of out of town guests- it is less common when a majority of the guests are from out of town. In that situation many people have started doing welcome drinks after the dinner where everyone invited to the wedding can come meet up and mingle, but they aren’t there for the official thank you dinner and toasts. If you FFIL is paying, it would still be a nice gesture to those out of town family to pay for drinks and/or maybe light desserts or snacks. Just an option to consider!

We are inviting any out-of-town guests that are staying at a hotel and already plan on being in town that day. It’s just a nice gesture so they don’t have to fend for themselves for dinner

It's up to you. A rehearsal dinner only needs to include people who are rehearsing for the ceremony.
I had no interest in spending the night before the wedding talking to anyone I didn't have to see. My BIL had more than 60 people at his rehearsal dinner because they invited extended family and out of town guests. On the way home I told my boyfriend (now husband) that we were not having that many people at ours. We got engaged 3 years later. I said that if my MIL wanted to have an event with all of the relatives and out of towners, she was welcome to do that, but I wouldn't be there. COVID has complicated our plans, but we agreed to only have rehearsing people at the rehearsal. For us, that is 28 people. Adding out of town guests and extended family (you can't really include out of town relatives but not local ones) would've meant inviting almost 90.
Whoever's paying for the event does have some say in it, but they don't get to triple the guest list against the desires of the couple. If you're open to it, you could have a rehearsal dinner with just the people in the ceremony, followed by a more casual welcome event.

My future in laws are paying for the rehearsal dinner & want the out of town guests to be there as well as the bridal party. It’s going to be around 30-40 guests. Personally, I don’t care. My only request is that my fiancé & I will have a hotel booked so after the party, we have some private time. That’ll give us our personal space.

We're inviting all out of towners to our rehearsal dinner because that's the etiquette in our family. It may be different depending on your family

That used to be the traditional way of doing it, but things have changed as it has become more and more common for people to move away from their hometowns. Families and friends are often all spread apart which leads to A LOT of out of town guests. There’s nothing wrong with inviting bridal party, immediate family (parents, siblings, and possibly grandparents), and their significant others. They are the only ones who truly need to attend the rehearsal anyway.


As much as we would love to include out of town guests, it would be almost our entire guest list. It’s just not feasible to feed them all multiple times. We are only inviting our bridal party, parents, siblings, and their significant others and children. We each only have four people on our sides of the bridal party, but our rehearsal dinner guest list is 44 people (including us) due to siblings and their families. It’s a lot.

I would do a welcome party after the rehearsal dinner for out of town guests and keep the rehearsal dinner small. You can even do it at a bar and state that it’s a cash bar, then pay for a few apps to be passed around to keep it casual and affordable