Rehearsal Dinner Guests

The only people who are required to be invited to the rehearsal dinner are those involved in the ceremony and their significant others. Any parties beyond that, it's within space/budget limits.

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Thanks Michele! I guess our situation makes it a little trickier since my FHs whole immediate family will be there and all I have is my mom. She tends to take things very personally and has been viewing this wedding as a 'who's the favorite family' issue, so we're trying to make it as enjoyable for her as it will be for us!

I also am trying to not feel guilty because all of my family is traveling from out of state/country, so I want to make them feel like I'm trying to spend time with them, just not sure if having all these people at the dinner is the best option though!

It's up to you, but traditionally rehearsal dinners are for those who are in the wedding party.

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Yes that's the advice that was given on my previous post and we were going to go that route until we realized that the only person from my family that would be there is my mom. I'm just having a hard time not feeling guilty since my whole family is traveling and I don't get to see them often in the first place! Just wondering what others would do in this situation

Thanks for the input!

View Quoted Comment Is it possible that you could hang out with them before the rehearsal dinner or the morning after the wedding?!

It is your rehearsal dinner so invite who you wish. From a traditional standpoint you usually do invite out of town guests to the dinner, so if your family is all from out of town invite them, you just may have to scale down the type of dinner/place you choose for your budget.

It's up to you at the end of the day! We wanted to invite extended family and out of town guests to our rehearsal dinner, but my husband and I were covering all of the costs and we couldn't afford to host so many people at a restaurant (we had around 70 guests for the rehearsal dinner). We rented a party room and had a caterer set up heavy appetizer stations, and hired some students to bartend. It ended up costing around $3000, but this is partially because we overestimated the alcohol (luckily, Costco let us return the unopened bottles and we got around $500 back). If you're willing to be flexible about the type of rehearsal dinner you have (i.e. not a sit down dinner at a restaurant), then you can definitely pull something off for 60 people with a budget of $2000, and I don't think people would have a problem paying for their own drinks at the hotel bar after the rehearsal dinner. Of course, you can always stick to just the wedding party and immediate family if that's what you'd prefer. Everyone has different family dynamics so I don't know how your FH's family would react if you only had extended family from one side at the rehearsal dinner.

I think this is a point where you look at your mom and say, "this is your chance to get to know his family".

You don't have the space/budget to make what is basically a Wedding, The Prequel party, and the rehearsal dinner is not really the place for extended family not involved in the ceremony rehearsal. It doesn't even have to be a long dinner - it can be short, so you can skip over to the bar for the welcome party!

But, to be blunt, your mom needs to get over your FH's family being bigger. That's ... not something you can really control!

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We could, the only problem that arises from hanging out before the rehearsal dinner is that some people may expect to attend the rehearsal dinner after hanging out. I like your morning after the wedding idea! We could always do a brunch with everyone!

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Yeah we would go way over budget if we did that though. I'm the only person in my family living in Georgia, everyone else is from another state or country. My FHs immediate family are all in GA, but the rest are also out of state. Lots of factors to consider. Thanks for the input!

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We're wanting to order different types of pizzas and see if the hotel would allow us to set them up by the bar area. That way all of our family and out of town guests get to eat AND mingle together. We're not a over-the-top, fancy couple, so this idea is perfect for us but my mom was taken aback by the suggestion lol. She basically said it was cheap and tacky, but we just can't justify spending over $2k (that was gifted) for a rehearsal dinner...

His family is pretty laid back and chill. There might be two of his extended family that would get offended. I know my entire side of the family would be offended if we didn't invite extended family to the dinner because my mom is the only immediate family I have.

Just a lot of thinking and hopefully we can find a way to please everyone!

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Thanks! We're really wanting to do various types of pizzas and see if the hotel bar is willing to let us set them up so we can skip a formal rehearsal dinner and have everyone eat pizza and mingle at the bar. Like I stated in another reply above, she isn't a fan of the pizza idea. She's very dramatic and about appearances, while we're laid back and chill.

It's a conversation I've had to have with her every time I dated someone. It's not so much that she's upset his family is bigger (my family is huge as well), is more of an issue with her thinking that his family is favored more. Which, like you said, it's something I can't control. His entire immediate family lives in the same state as us, so seeing them often isn't a problem. It's a different story with mine since we're all scattered about.

She just has a chip on her shoulder and thinks this is about who's family is like better, when really we're just wanting everyone to get to know one another and have fun for the weekend!

View Quoted Comment This is your wedding, not anyone else's, so you have to set boundaries and stay within what you feel comfortable with. Do not acknowledge or reward anyone's tantrums etc when a decision is not theirs to make.

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Then, at this point, you tell her what you want, tell her to believe what she wants, but this is what you're doing, and she has to deal.

If she wants to assign Drama, you can't stop her.

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Thanks for the advice! You're right, she'll create drama regardless so we just have to stick to our guns and do things the way we want!