Rehearsal Dinner Nightmare!

Yes, I think they should have discussed it with you. It's widely known around here that whomever is paying gets to say what goes on though. What does your FI say about it? Whatever conversations go on with the in-laws should go through your FI, since things can get very tricky in this type of situation. I hope it works out for you.

If I were in this situation, I would just book my rehearsal dinner the way I wanted. It sounds like your in laws booked a family dinner and are trying to pass it off as a rehearsal dinner to make themselves feel better.

No, you are not wrong. You say they invited a ton of people. Are these people invited to the wedding as well? If not, this is a faux pas. You should ask fiance to reign them in. The rehearsal dinner is typically smaller to include bridal party and parents.

Your FILs are definitely out of line. They should have talked to you and your fiancé before going ahead and doing whatever they wanted. The part about how your family "can come as well" makes me think they planned this for their family rather than as a thank-you to those who attended the rehearsal. It's YOUR rehearsal dinner, not THEIR family reunion. I'd have your fiancé tell them they need to include you both in any wedding-related decisions and work out a plan you ALL agree on. If they're unwilling to honor the wishes of the couple of honor, tell them you're handling the rehearsal dinner yourselves.

^^ what they all said. You and fiancé still plan your rehearsal dinner as you were going to (if you can afford it). He should talk to them if he’s able to (I know sometimes people have very unique family relationships & can’t speak up to their parents though). If your FIL party still happens, it can be a groom’s family celebration- call it something else.


If FILs were going to pay for the rehearsal dinner at your preferred place & it’s not in your budget to pay separately (and if they won’t budge on being out of line), then maybe do a casual rehearsal gathering with your family & bridal party separately.
The other question is- what day is the actual ceremony rehearsal happening? Usually I think rehearsal dinner follows the ceremony rehearsal, so I’m not understanding how it would be two different days for rehearsal dinners.
Good luck & stay happy

Sounds more like a family get together than a rehearsal dinner. How close are you to your FMIL and FFIL?