Rehearsal dinner plus 1

Then you need to change your "very fancy dinner" to something else and extend an invite for all your BP and their SO no matter if they are married or dating. You don't get to judge what anybody's relationship is.

The bridal party should all get a plus one. If you can't afford that, I would change locations

Wow, your idea to not give your WP "plus ones" or invite their SOs based on some sort of ridiculous criterion is absurd and rude. Scale back your rehearsal dinner, invite everyone's SO, don't be a Judgy McJudgepants, and you may end up with friends after your wedding.

What you do is give everyone in your BP a plus one.

Echoing everyone else. Plan a less fancy dinner and let your wedding party bring their damn significant others.

Seriously. Will another couple of people break the bank?

You can't make her come. I do not understand the comment that she does not want him to have to deal with her parents. Will her parents be at the wedding, but not the RD?

I know I am in the minority, but I see no requirement to invite other than spouses, fiances or long term or live-in partners. If you want to extend additional invites, you may, but up to you. This seems to be the consensus of etiquette books I have seen. This is not about judging any one else's relationship, it is about accepting how they have defined the relationship. Of course you run the risk that some may not attend.

Not certain with "what else you have asked her to do"? She should be obliged to do anything, other than show up, in dress. She is not obligated to come to shower, etc. All that being said, I see no requirement to invite, and just let her stay home.

Well I wanted to go out and get Pizza or something after the rehearsal, but my MIL wanted a "nice dinner". She only told me she wasn't really dating the guy and wanted to bring him to the wedding a few days ago. If she was a friend, it would be different. She's my family member, and I was forced to take her by my grandmother, who now feels bad for making me take her. If she didn't have a habit of abandoning the family for her friends I think I'd be less mad too. Lots of unmentioned background info, but basically she ditched my bridal shower because she decided to get drunk with friends instead, and didn't even try on the dress when I asked her to make sure it fit. She hasn't been responsive to any of the messages I've sent her, and doesn't really seem to care about my feelings at all. I'll probably just tell her he can come, but I'm tired of her choosing friends over family.

Also, her parents are not invited because they aren't in the WP, but they understand. If my MIL let me order panera for everyone or something instead of this $4000 thing I'd be so much less stressed.

OP-who's paying?

I just told her he can come. My MIL is paying. I'm grateful, but I don't think she understands how this fancy dinner is stressing me out a lot more than just grabbing pizza. I can't complain because she's paying, but I wanted to keep the cost down as much as possible so I didn't feel so awful about all that money being spent. Honestly, if my bridesmaid hadn't been such an issue from the start, I probably wouldn't be feeling this way. Sorry guys, I know I sound awful.. it's like 2 weeks away and it's getting hectic ;(

You can't make her come.

Ask your MIL if SOs are welcome. If she says no, then say no to the bm - but you'll have to be ok if she doesn't show up. The rehearsal dinner shouldn't be mandatory.

You are in the wrong.

All the SOs of the bridal party should be invited to the RD as well as the wedding.

You basically don't want to invite her boyfriend because you feel like she doesn't "deserve" it or she hasn't "earned" the right to have her bf there, which is bs.

I think if the SO is invited to the wedding they should be invited to the rehearsal dinner

I feel like WP should receive a plus one. You should just allow her to bring her boyfriend or accept that she won't come:

You shouldn't make anyone come to your rehearsal dinner or anything without their partner.

You mentioned that he will be dealing with her parents at the wedding. By wedding, you mean ceremony only right? I just want to clarify that they will be seated together at the reception.

Well I didn't even know about the guy until a few days ago, and the wedding is in 2 weeks. It's mostly because she won't even call him her boyfriend. I'm not making up any definitions for their relationship, she told me he isn't really her boyfriend... She asked me at Christmas dinner if she could bring this guy to the wedding, and I said yes because we had enough people not able to attend. But She has known for over a year about being a bridesmaid, and has had the invite for a long time. She has known this guy for what seems like a while based off instagram, which had her and him in pictures with sorority sisters and such, but I hadn't heard anything like her being anything more than friends with this kid. Sure I don't understand, but I'm not invalidating it, and I did tell my MIL, and he is now invited. It's just so frustrating.

And yes, they are all seated together at the reception.

You're the one in the wrong here.