Rehearsal Dinner - What's proper?

Honestly it's your wedding, your money, you invite who you want. I'm only inviting bridal party, & parents. No one is taking it as rude because they understand we are paying for everything ourselves & can only afford so much especially with 4 kids 2 still in diapers. I see alot of people on here stressing so much about offending people when really most people understand it's your day, done your way, & not everyone has the budget to invite everyone to everything. Although my answer I know isn't going to be a popular answer I believe it's the right answer because you don't want to put yourself in a financial bind over all this when you're already paying for so much. Also I think alot of times what's "proper" for weddings is what was proper 20 years ago times have changed though.

I had the same problem. Its proper for out of town guests to be invited. That being said, we could by no means afford to host 2 weddings since the majority of our guests were out of town. We did bridal party, immediate family, and spouces of both.

I don't believe OOT guests have to be invited. Most of our guests are OOT and there is no way we could afford that. My mother did offer to pay that way we could invite FH's siblings and grandparents because if we paid it would be bridal party and parents only.

I am old...54...and honestly I have always been told, experienced, etc that all siblings, grandparents, parents, readers, bridal party plus ones, and all OOT guests are invited to RD. Yes this sucks for the bill but it is proper to invite them to the dinner as they are traveling for your wedding. I know my response isn't the popular one but it is proper to host OOT guests at the RD.

Absolutely no OOT guests. I hate when people get confused with this because its not another day for a party. Rehearsal is for the bridal party, where they practice the ceremony cues etc, therefore, bridal party goes to the dinner. If she isn't paying for it she cannot call the shots. Anyone in the rehersal, any one in the ceremony is who goes to the dinner. They get a plus one if engaged or married. period.

Traditionally it was open to out of town guests. However that has changed. I'm having a semi-destination wedding and only having bridal party members, their significant others, and parents at the rehearsal dinner. I'm not paying for a second wedding essentially. I'd have a quick chat with your parents and tell them it's only the people who you invite to the rehearsal dinner.

I've heard of welcoming dinners/lunches. I think my MIL will take that on now since it was her idea. lol!

My Fiance and I are in a similar boat. We are paying for the rehearsal dinner ourselves and about 100 people are OOT. So we are doing a nice sit down with the bridal party, their significant others, and our parents. Afterward we are hosting a 2 hour welcome reception with open bar and heavy hors d'oeuvres at the same restaurant. It was nearly impossible to find a reasonable place to host so many and the welcome reception is more casual and "come as you are" for our guests.

I'm doing the same thing most are - just inviting BP members, their SO/guests, and our immediate families. Half of my guests are OOT, so there's no way we're doing that. We wanted it to be an intimate gathering where we can all talk together, give out BP and parent gifts, and just relax.

Since the majority of the OOT guests are my FH's family, my FMIL is hosting an informal welcome reception at her house the night before the wedding with drinks and a buffet so those guests are included in something.

OP, what your mother did was wrong - I don't care if it was "customary" back in the day or not - she absolutely shouldn't be inviting anyone to an event she's not paying for or without approval from the hosts. I'm so sorry you were put in this position to have to rescind invites. I get where people are coming from thinking it's rude, but what choice do you have? If you can't afford to host the extra guests your mother invited, and it was a miscommunication, then I'm sure people would be understanding of that.

I don't have to many oots but the rehearsal dinner is only for my wedding party.

The rehearsal is only for those that need to rehearse....as in, part of the wedding.

Typically it is the parents of the bride and groom, the wedding party and their plus one and the person performing the ceremony.

This is another one of those parents trying to make your wedding their family reunion...and as in my case as well, at your expense. Not cool. I would put the brakes on that pronto.

I have gotten into many of arguments with my FMIL regarding her thinking she should be able to invite persons to our wedding that she is not paying for. There is absolutely no way she is inviting anyone to the rehearsal. No way. That is just being rude and down right disrespectful. If she wants to go to breakfast, lunch or dinner with these people...she can do it on her own time.

It's not required. The rehearsal dinner is normally less formal too. Most, including my own were pizza, subs, or crockpot foods. Nothing to fancy. Again, this is how the ones i have been to are. If she isn't paying than you don't need to listen. You can have who ever you want tho.