Rehearsal Dinner

Hmmm that’s a tough one but I’d try not to stress it, because if she actually does invite people that aren’t invited to the wedding that would be a super awkward situation for her, not you. But if you are super worried about it I’d have your FH talk to her about who you both plan on inviting that way she is aware

I think you should definitely work on building the guest list with your FMIL especially if you’re worried she won’t invite your family. Mine was pretty hands-off so I created the guest list.

View Quoted Comment We aren’t on very good terms with each other, especially when it comes to wedding planning. I try not to mention the wedding when I’m around her so I’m not even sure if they are planning the dinner yet or anything...

View Quoted Comment Oh shoot, I’m sorry about that.


Are you set on having them plan/pay for it? To be honest, my husband and I were fully planning on paying for our own rehearsal dinner until his parents (graciously) offered to pay for it which we really appreciated. I have a close relationship with her though.
However, if I didn’t and I had your concerns, I would feel much more comfortable planning and paying for it ourselves so that I can ensure my family was invited and things were done my way without any issues.

View Quoted Comment It’s not that we really wanted them to plan it. It’s more that as soon as wedding planning started her and her side of the family started everything with “well traditionally....” and made it out like they wanted to plan it so I just went with it. She’s made comments about how we want our wedding cake like “well we’re doing our cake (at the rehearsal dinner) like this (because “it’s better”). It’s very stressful to have everyone fighting and trying to plan our wedding for us..

View Quoted Comment Oh heck no, girl. If she’s stressing you out already and hasn’t even planned anything yet, I would put a stop on this now.


Traditions don’t really apply anymore. Most couples pay for their own weddings in order to avoid having to deal with their parents hijacking their weddings. If she wants to do tradition— I think traditionally, the groom’s parents also pays for honeymoon, DJ, wedding party florals. Is she following those traditions too?
I would save yourself the headache and tell them “thanks, but no thanks.” Sorry this is something you have to stress about... I just hate hearing how families/parents add on stress when it comes to wedding planning.

Honestly I would just say thanks but no thanks, and plan it/pay for it on your own.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I had never actually heard about that. The only thing I knew was FH is supposed to pay for the marriage license, his parents the rehearsal dinner and as everyone else is putting it “your parents everything else”. But like you said, we’re not following traditions too closely..

Yup! Traditions vary depending who you ask, but one of my best friends who went the “traditional” route— the groom (and his family) paid for florals, rehearsal, DJ, alcohol for reception, marriage license.


It’s ridiculous for people to expect your parents to pay for everything else. I hope his parents aren’t expecting that. -__-

View Quoted Comment They are! It’s crazy

View Quoted Comment Ugh, yeah... I would have your fiancé have an honest talk with them. They shouldn’t be expecting your parents to pay for everything. That’s so uncommon for weddings these days.

View Quoted Comment We’re using his family’s property as our venue and that’s already a struggle as it is...

We plan on just sending a guest list to my fiancé’s parents for them to go off of.

I think you should send them a list it’s still your wedding

Pay for the rehearsal dinner and do it your way.

It sounds like there's far too much struggle for control going on about your wedding. So you pay for it, and then you control it.