Rehearsal is stressing me out...should i just cancel it?

You do not need a rehearsal, but if you do a rehearsal you need a dinner/meal to thank people for taking the time to be there. Also, if anyone in the wedding party has a SO, they should also be invited to the rehearsal. You most certainly do not need to invite out of town guests, so don't get bullied into doing that if it isn't what you want.

I would chuck it. It’s not worth the stress the day before you get married. Our venue told us with the few people we are having it’s probably not worth the extra money. I hope it works out for you. Good luck 🍀

Every rehearsal I have been to has actually been really helpful because it helps with height pairings and usually the dudes have no idea what they are doing, so it tells them walk down on your own or walk with this specific girl, when you get to the alter (end of aisle) go left or right or whatever. Hold you hand like this to escort a girl! It doesn't have to be in your venue, but some instructions before the day of will make it go smoother. Usually the officiant doesn't go through the whole ceremony. You basically do an enter and exit. At one we met the guys half way down the aisel I am so glad we went over it the day before because it would have been really confusing. The other the guys had to have their arms flat and we had to rest our hand our their hands, and I was instructing my escort when I walked up to him... 2 weddings we were told to dance out, but if we hadn't been told it wouldn't have gone well. I think dinner for just bridal party is fine, but you usually should include SOs (and children if they are OOT and can't get a sitter).

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SO's are all accounted for (bridesmaid's husbands, officiant's wife, etc)

I don't think rehearsals are absolutely necessary. So if it stresses you out, ditch it!

Are you doing the "traditional" way of paying for a wedding where the bride's family pays for the wedding and the groom's family pays for the RD? I kind of feel like maybe you should just take a step back from it and see if FH's family really wants to plan one. If they don't, then don't stress yourself out about it. Maybe you could take the little ones to the venue on a weekday when the venue knows they won't have any weddings.

I actually was worried about my veil getting caught on my aisle during the ceremony (stone walkway), so I gave my venue a call and just popped by with my veil on a Wednesday afternoon to do a trial run. They were very accommodating! Maybe you could do something similar with the flower girl and ring bearer.

Rehearsing at the venue is helpful, but not necessary. What you really need to know are the “cue spots” like where to stop, where to sit, etc. you can “rehearse” off-site then point out all the cue spots about an hour or two before the wedding

if you do have a rehearsal, then have a rehearsal dinner. No need for the welcome dinner though. If your mom wants to have dinner with her guests, then she can skip out on the rehearsal dinner. No need to invite them to the dinner

YIIIKESSS. So man opinions to deal with! I am so sorry you have so many VIPs stressing you out.

Here is what I would do:

Have the RD, and do the rehearsal in the restaurant space before the dinner portion starts. Stick to your original invite list.

Screw everyone and their crap opinions.

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We're paying for most of it ourselves. My mom gave us about 20% of our budget in cash. His parents haven't given us any cash towards the wedding itself, but offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner. I can look into getting the kids up there on a different day.

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THIS.

We are paying for the rehearsal ourselves and made a rule - those in the wedding and their SOs (30 for us). I started wanting to add out of towners and FH put his foot down b/c that potentially adds another 72 people. I always thought out of towners were invited, but I've been hearing it just depends on what you want to do.

Tell Mom no, it's those IN the wedding only. Sorry. She's not paying so I'm not sure how she can argue here...

IMO a walk through is helpful, even if it's not at the venue. I would just do it at the hotel somewhere (even in a hallway) or at a restaurant and do that.

Sorry it has you stressed out!!

Can you do a quick rehearsal at your venue the day of your wedding instead of the day before?

I would ignore your fiance's brother. Sounds like he has never been in a wedding before. How much is it to have someone walk through the venue with you on Friday? Can they guarantee it earlier in the day if there is a Friday wedding? Or can you do a rehearsal at the hotel in some kind of outdoor space? I would tell your mom to go to dinner with her friends then. If you want a small RD, that's what you should have. However, I would invite significant others of the wedding party.

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I've considered it, since we have the space for the whole day. But I'm not sure I would take part, depending on the timing...even though we're doing a first look, I wouldn't want him to see me half ready lol

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Amazingly, FH's brother is married, and FH and his other brother have both been married before. I roll my eyes a lot around this one.

It's only $75 to have the maitre d' do a rehearsal, bigger issue is they can't guarantee its availability, in case there's another wedding (I should double check at this point, since at 3 months out they should know). I don't think earlier on Friday would work, partly because they guarantee you the whole space for the day of your wedding, so if there is a Friday night one, they have it for the day. Plus I fear telling some of my complainers to be there earlier on Friday would just be another thing to whine about. I have been thinking about the hotel, our suite has a separate living room, but otherwise I'd be looking at renting their conference room (more $$$...can't count on outside in March)

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Oh that makes sense. Our venue is similar but you get 12-14 hours of venue use depending on your package. So for our Saturday wedding our rehearsal is Friday at 9 AM since the Friday evening wedding will arrive around noon. We know everyone won't be able to make it but we can have enough people there that it'll be worth it. Then before the ceremony on Saturday they can run through it (without me) for people that weren't there. You could even meet in the hotel lobby or outside on grass of the hotel?

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Mom will argue anything she wants...but in this case, she said she would give FHs parents money to cover the extra people at the rehearsal dinner (she said it to me, not them). It's not just the money though. Bridal party etc is such a small group (21 with SOs and kids) that another 6 people who are not part of it feels overwhelming.

Thanks for your support!

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You're planning a run-through the day-of, without you? I have considered that too, since at that point the chairs will be set up etc, which would be most helpful to the kids. I will ask the venue about that and see how it fits our timeline. Are you having any kind of rehearsal dinner then?

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So we are doing a formal rehearsal the morning before (Friday morning). In attendance will be bride & groom, our parents, my brother, one of his sisters, and any of the other groomsmen & bridesmaids that can make it. Quite a few are flying in so I don't expect them all to fly in Thursday night or super early Friday. Our day of coordinator will be there too, with our event manager. We will do a formal run through since it'll be everyone's first time seeing the venue (besides bride & groom) and first time meeting all the parents, bridesmaids, and groomsmen. Then that evening at 5 PM we will have our rehearsal dinner. The next day we are allowed in the venue at 10 AM (bride & bridesmaids & moms come then), and groomsmen will come around 2 PM. Our ceremony is at 5 PM. For bridesmaids & groomsmen that didn't get a run through, they will do one outside while I'm in the bridal suite (getting hair & makeup done) just a quick run through so they know where to stand, when to walk in, who to walk out with, what to watch for/do, etc.!

Even with a formal rehearsal and everyone going through it at least 3 times, my MIL & FIL cut off the bridal party in the recession line (she got right behind my SIL and BIL with 6 other couples form the BP still in line to go)… I didn't notice until we got the video - irritating but can't do anything about it. I would say at least a quick run through would be necessary. I would keep the guest list to bridal party so's and immediate family. Keep it simple and easy.

Have your rehearsal. Forget about what anyone else says. It’s yours and your FH day and that’s all the matters. (Unless someone else is paying). Just put your foot down, if they don’t like and don’t want to be a part of it then they can just watch the day of. 🤷‍♀️That might be a litttle harsh but you get my point.