Religious father’s toast posing problems

I agree with Hannah. Your father saying he won't come to the wedding if he can't omit one small thing from his toast is manipulative. Honestly, nothing says he has to do a toast. That's something special for people who don't throw tantrums based on differing beliefs. I would stand your ground and tell him no. And then probably try to distance yourself from your parents. Just because they're blood doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with them if it's harming you.

You've rightfully set a boundary with him. You can't control how he reacts to that boundary but you can control how much access he has to you and your feelings. You have asked him to keep religion out of his toast--which is reasonable considering your beliefs and past with Christianity. If he chooses to react to that by skipping your wedding, that's on him and a clear signal of how he values you and your relationship.

Once your wedding is behind you, I would also encourage counseling to figure out how to deal with parents that don't respect your beliefs and boundaries.

It's your day, your parents should respect your wishes. I know the Bible has all that "don't hide your light" stuff, but he should be able to set aside his wants for you.

My mother and step-dad are the same way, so they aren't even invited to my wedding. They would actively TRY to derail my wedding, since they want me back with my ex-husband, and I don't need that kinda negativity on my day with the man that I plan to spend the rest of my life with.

Lay out your wishes, he has the option to abide, or sit this one out. They can come to the wedding and skip the reception if they plan to disrespect you.

This sentence makes me SO sad for you: "I literally cannot stress how much of my time, both with the wedding and in life in general, is spent trying to not upset my parents so we can still have some sort of relationship."

I know that you already know there is no happy compromise here. If you set and maintain your boundaries, your parents will probably react badly. If you give in, you will not enjoy your wedding day as you deserve. I would personally not allow your dad to give a toast and then just accept whatever results from that decision, but it's up to decide which is the lesser of two evils here.

I really, really dislike people who use religion to hurt their loved ones, and I have cut family members out of my life for this kind of behavior. But I fully recognize deciding to cut people off is not easy. Hugs and much support to you!

So, he doesn't get to have a toast. It's that simple.

And you should have the ceremony YOU want, that marries YOU and your FH, not the one that "won't offend your parents".

As Hannah said, you aren't maintaining a relationship with your parents, you are bending your life to not 'offend' them. Parents don't get to be 'offended' by their offspring. That's not an option.

They are making you miserable, that's pretty clear. At this point, it's either let them make you miserable, or be yourself.

Agreed 100%.

Real talk: I ended up cutting ties with my (toxic) mother BEFORE my wedding, and it worked out SO much better.

Consider how much less stress you will have when you don't have to think about managing them.

Your parents are emotionally blackmailing you so that you conform to their beliefs. Time for boundaries and to live authentically. If Dad can't keep God out of a simple wedding toast, he doesn't get to do one. They are being so disrespectful of you and your beliefs. That's never going to change if you continue hiding who you are from them.