Religious Officiant Help

Hello Kayla,

I am not sure what denomination you belong to, or if you are non-denominational, but I would like to know what you mean by, "there seems to be a disconnection between officiants and the church these days...".

With that being said, here are some thoughts, and you may very well know the Biblical readings:

Regardless of denomination, Christian marriage is a covenant; the most serious promise God can make, and the most serious lifelong promise a person can make. A covenant entails that there is an oath and responsibilities that come with maintaining that oath. In the Bible, the consequences of not maintaining responsibilities of the covenant would result in being cut off from God, the people of Israel, death, and/or hell.

I think that is may be a reason why you might feel that there is a disconnect: The pastor is bringing two people together for the most important promise they can make to each other in the presence of God and their families. They are supposed to become one flesh rather than two individuals (Genesis 2: 24, and repeated in Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:8, and Ephesians 5:31).
The marriage itself is supposed to reflect the sacrificial love of Christ and the church (refer to Ephesians Chapter 5). Furthermore, the pastor may also feel that the joining of a couple should heed to Genesis 1:28; To be fruitful and multiply (have children and raise a family).

Note: Please do not take this as me trying to lecture you on having children or not. I am merely trying to illustrate what the pastor's viewpoint might be.

Asking an officiant to be humorous may give them the impression that you don't take the covenant of marriage seriously. They might feel that if a couple doesn't take the covenant of marriage seriously, the consequences are serious and disastrous not only for the husband and wife, but for any children that may come from the marriage.

With that being said, it might be different if you approached it as you understand marriage to be serious, lifelong, and sacrificial, but you wouldn't mind if, or when appropriate, light humor to lighten the mood and make your families smile.

Usually humor happens at the spur of the moment if something goes wrong, or if a child in the wedding party does something cute and unscripted.

As far as the $700 fee, I can't say I am too familiar with that. If I am not mistaken, usually a pastor's fee is about half that much if they are officiating, but it will be more if they are officiating in the church itself, or if they have to travel a great distance. Some part of this fee is usually given to charity or maintenance of the church. Premarital counseling will vary by price regardless if you have a pastor or a PhD conducting the counseling sessions.

If I was in your shoes, I would ask the pastor if the counseling sessions came with a cost, and how frequent they needed to be, and how to prepare for each session. I would then ask what the fee is for being your officiant, and if there was a fee for use of the church.