Reliving things that went wrong

No wedding is perfect, but you only know it wasn't perfect because you are so invested as the bride. You and your DH look beautiful and happy and that's all that matters!

Congratulations!

Try to focus on the positive!

I feel your pain as my day had a lot go wrong. This is stuff that's hard to get over cause you plan for so many hours and spend so much money just for stuff to not go your way. While I don't have a solution on how to not dwell (I'm still dwelling on mine) all I can say is try to focus on the good. Hopefully one day these can become funny stories.

I felt like that too after my wedding. There were some photos that I really wanted that I did not get and I cried about it for weeks because I will never get a chance to go back and get them again. We started taking photos late and guests started showing up WAY early so it was also cut short. My DJ was hard to understand on the mic and people kept asking me about clean up all throughout the day so I felt like everyone was ready for it to be over. Looking back now I have a new appreciation for the people that stayed the whole time and made a point of making sure I had an amazing time.

I guess in short it just takes some time, like someone else said its hard when you put so much time, stress, and tears into something and not every little thing went right.

Ah - the first of many "didn't go as planned" events you will have in your new life together. In a few years you'll barely remember those details.

Our first real family vacation I forgot my ID to board a plane to Disney World. You can imagine the look on my husband's face as he was shutting the trunk and I'm standing there with the bad news after digging for my wallet and remembering walking right past it on our way out the door - the vision of it still sitting by the phone at our home 2.5 hours away...

Things will never go as planned. When they do - it's nothing short of a miracle!

No reason to dwell on the past! It's over and done with. Try to think about all the things that went right or well that day and focus on the positives, for example, did you get to see family you haven't seen in a while? Did your MOH give a really awesome speech? Did you love how your husband looked at you all day?

@Natalie in the grand scheme of things, these are minor issues. It sounds like your guests had food, drinks and music--oh, and a photobooth. I guarantee no one noticed the little delays and such that you did.

I read an article recently about a bride who's mother was killed by a falling tree branch during family photos on her wedding day. Just be glad no one got hurt.

Try to focus on the positives and the fact that you are now married. The thing is probably nobody else noticed things that went wrong. My wedding day wasn't perfect and I was upset for a while after - it rained and couldn't do ceremony on outside pergola as planned, people brought kids to my adult only reception, I couldn't find my hair comb and ended up using my bachelorette party veil, forgot cake topper too, forgot to do a speech, venue coordinator was in a bad mood and I was so annoyed with pictures - I regret not doing more pictures outside like I had planned to.

It's been over a month and I'm over it. What's done is done.

@Jenny No, my profile pic is a guest photo. My photographer was local in China. DH, bless his heart, decided to book this vendor with our MUA, saved us $2,000. I loved the MUA and the video, but the photography was just okay. I warned my DH about the consequences, so I'm not too surprised. DH has apologized profusely, so like I said earlier, non of that matters now. The most important thing is that we are married.

I think we all have things that go wrong.

All of my brothers showed up an hour late, without their suits on. They ended up missing groomsmen photos.

This sent DH into full on groomzilla mode to the point that my mom was crying because she thought it was her fault.

My team of 3 hair and makeup artists showed up late, my person who did my trial didn't show up at all and was fired. So my hair and makeup were completely different than my trial.

15 minutes before our ceremony, we went to take pictures by a waterfall fountain in the resort. A gust of wind blew my veil right off and right into the waterfall. Luckily my MOH and photographer are superheroes and jumped in to save it. My MOH waved it in the sun and it was dry in 5 minutes.

We completely forgot all the corsages in the refrigerator of my hotel room.

So don't dwell on it, they make good stories!

@Andrea LOVE that pic lol #BestStoryEver

@SuYa, that's a very balanced approach you have, good for you I think it would have taken me a little longer. $2000 isn't a small amount to shake a stick at though

@Jenny I am just glad that I didn't do a unplugged ceremony. We have many friends and family that dabble in photography/ a few professional (that I did not want working on our wedding day) take some really great photos, so this made it a tad easier to get over faster. Also, knowing that that $2,000 is still sitting in our bank account, helps too

I'm sorry there were things that didn't go as planned. It sucks because we spend all this time and money making sure things are perfect, and when things happen that are out of our control its hard to stop thinking about. But just remember in the end you married your best friend, the man of your dreams and soulmate. That should over power anything that went wrong.

P.S you looked beautiful!

Thanks for all your comments and stories of things going wrong. Loved your story Andrea G. I think the problem is that I had built up in my head how things would turn out and they just didn't. I had envisioned everyone being on the dancefloor during certain songs (they weren't, as I said the dancefloor was sparse) I had envisioned our cake cutting to be sweet and simple (it wasn't, it was awkward) I had envisioned our first dance being lovely and everyone joining us soon into the song (they didn't, just let us awkwardly dance on our own for ages.)

I will say though I couldn't have possibly envisioned a lovelier speech from my husband or feeling as moved as I did by his vows. I need to keep telling myself that that's really all that matters.

Aww I'm so sorry. Don't blame yourself. Things happen that you can't control unfortunately but I do understand you are rehashing everything because I do the exact same thing.

Thank you Lucille!

Natalie, I totally get how you feel! Even though it's been nearly 6 months since we got married, I've still been thinking about things like "oh I wish we hadn't done this or that" and "I can't believe that happened!" And "I wish we had invited so-and-so" and similar thoughts but at the end of the day when I think about my wedding, I still get that happy warm fuzzy feeling and wish I could relive that day everyday, mishaps and all. I'm still thrilled that DH and I ended up married, we got to spend time with our loved ones, and partied our butts off! The little things don't matter, even if they weigh on your mind. I think everyone has certain things that went wrong, they wished they'd done differently, or that they're annoyed they happened, so you're not alone. Just try to focus on the best parts of the wedding--the parts you enjoyed the most!

Your dress is gorgeous, by the way!

While I mainly focus on the good of the day, some of the things that went wrong still haunt me. It can feel good to vent over it with other brides to just get it off you chest too. Also, I think the world over-inflates this idea to women that their wedding is their perfect day and the wedding industry over-prices every aspect tied to this day just because it’s a wedding and things can’t go wrong....but they do! My hairdresser was incompetent-she was nice but took 2.5 hours to do my hair because she had no idea what she was doing-my hair ended up falling flat and lifeless and not what I wanted. My folly-I should have chosen to go elsewhere after she barely got it right in our practice trial. This led to my mom and sisters getting rushed hairdos that were just a couple barrel rolls but still being upcharged for a wedding hairstyle. This led me to having rushed makeup and fake eyelashes that itched all day. Ladies, make sure your falsies don’t look like train tracks across your eyelids when you close them! The priest forgot to mention a couple things including the memorial for my grandpa that meant a lot to me. The service and food was seriously subpar at the Piedmont Steakhouse which is supposed to be super nice. Honestly, most weddings I’ve been to have bland overcooked, lukewarm food served because venues overcharge and under deliver with big groups all the time. However! In my case, I had a tiny wedding of just 9 guests before covid was a thing. I did this because my husband and I make under 70g a year and spending more than the 9g we did would have been irresponsible for us as we were starting our lives out together. My sisters were okay with the lazy hairdos because they didn’t want me to stress, I honestly didn’t notice the priest missing those mentions until afterwards, and the food still upsets me because my dad paid so much for it and having worked in many types of restaurants most my life, things like that can be avoided which frustrates me. All in all, it was a lovely day and I’m glad I didn’t have more to worry about and more people to wonder if they noticed. Because that’s the thing...you put so much work into planning and being upcharged right and left because it’s a wedding that you feel betrayed when those in the industry can’t follow through on their end. Sure, to err is human, so I hope that the wedding industry starts putting a more human-like reality picture of the day out there for people rather than promising perfection. I think we need more buyer beware on weddings and the irrationality of the wedding industry.