Hi All:
For context; a long term friend of mine Steve (fake name) has known details about my relationship with my fiancee since we met back in 2018. I have known Steve since **** and we have been friends since then.
Timeline
In February of this year, I let him know my fiancee and I are in the planning stages of our wedding at the end of September. He said he will be there.
I asked him to be a part of the wedding back in March and he agreed to be a part of it. Once the date was booked, he said he would go down with his ex-girlfriend as his plus one.
I sent him the RSVP on June 28th for my wedding.
I asked him if he would be open to staying on the property since he is in the wedding party. He agreed and said yes for him and his ex to staying on site. This is the end of June early July.
I asked him if he was interested in going to the bachelor party in late July, he said "no, money is tight" and mentioned something about paying credit card bills etc. That is fine.
I sent out 3 emails about the suits, in the middle of July and he has not said anything nor responded about getting suits.
One month goes by, and my fiancee texted him about payment for staying at the Inn (same place where the wedding takes place), he ignored. I asked him about payment, he said "I will let you know." The maid of honor reached out to him, and he ignored.
We eventually gave up the reserved space for him to the next couple and they paid immediately. This was in the middle of August once we gave up the spot to somebody else.
He has not RSVP'd to the wedding. Invitations were sent out weeks ago, links were texted, and he has not RSVP'd to the wedding. My fiancee sent him a text about RSVP'ing a few days back, and he did not respond. The deadline was set to August 15th.
He sent me a random text a week ago on August 21 and said "Imma call u to night fam. My pops had a stroke a few days ago and stuff has been hectic." I responded to the text and "alright bro," and he hasn't called since then. I reached out to him yesterday and he did not pickup nor has he called back.
"Steve, I’m not sure what’s going dude but I sent out the RSVP for the wedding back in June and Isabelle reached out a few days back asking for confirmation and I have not heard anything nor have you confirmed if you are going or not. I wanted to let you know that due to not hearing back from you regarding the wedding and some time commitments I made the decision to remove you from the wedding party and guest list. I’ve been trying to reach you to discuss this, and hope you’re okay. If you’d like to talk about it we can chat."
My final thoughts
The multiple inquiries for action items related to the wedding are being left on read and this dates prior to August 21st. He isn't saying explicitly if he can go or not and then a tragic event happens and he still has not said anything related to the wedding. I understand things happen, but he hasn't said anything YET and the wedding is less than a month away.
How should I navigate this if he decides to reach out? I have tried to be lenient as possible, but him not responding with a yes or no to the questions really bothered me. I would be fine if he said earlier on, "I can't make it" but it feels like a bigger slap in the face when he makes this commitment and then bails when we get closer to the date.
TL;DR - Long term friend who agreed to be in the wedding has not been responsive regarding timelines, and deadlines for my wedding next month