Renewing Wedding Vows - Dos and Don'ts

I think if they want to spend the money to throw a large vow renewal that’s their business. Marriage is hard, my first lasted 7 years and my FH longest lasted 6. So when we make it to 10 years it’ll be a big hoopla. We also discussed having a big vow renewal every 10 years just because it sounds fun.

If they're hosting properly, paying for it, and not asking for gifts, I think it doesn't matter. It's an excuse to party!

10 years seems pretty significant to me!

I also don't see why there would be an issue. If they have money for that and they want to do it, more power to them.

This is one of those issues where there is no breach of etiquette. It's a matter of personal opinion. If you don't like the idea or support their intentions, don't go. A simple card with your best wishes will suffice.

I get the renewing vows idea, and having guests. It's a beautiful thing.

I just don't get it for over 100 guests, for a 10 year mark, for a marriage where nothing out of the ordinary happened. They've always been happily married, and had ups and downs like most marriages that are 10 years old.

If they never had a big wedding in the beginning, or were borderline divorced ( or separated) or maybe one of them had to go off to war or something during those ten years - yes sure, a big celebration is ideal to me.

It's just my opinion, of course. No problems with the initial concept of renewel though. That I do like.

View Quoted Comment I definitely think in your case, a celebration of 10 years with lots of people makes total sense with all you've been through.

I’m not sure why it matters how big their guest list is? If they want to have a 10 year anniversary party for 100 people, why not? Life is short and love is worth celebrating. If you’re eating and drinking for free and not expected to bring a gift, that sounds like a damn good party to me.

View Quoted Comment

Anon - I will be blunt: You are putting your nose and opinion where it doesn't belong. Their marriage, their business, their money. Let it go. Attend with a smile on your face or send your regrets.

People can celebrate whatever they want whenever they want!!

View Quoted Comment I did say in my original post that they can do what they want. I was simply engaging in other peoples' thoughts to see how others feel about this kind of thing.

And everyone has a right to their opinion, and a right to go or not go. And again, I support renewel of vows! 😊 Just think it's a huge guest list for this specific circumstance is all.

Sounds like a fun party. People invite that many guests to events celebrating far smaller achievements. Sounds like a great chance to celebrate with all the people they care about

I would go and have fun. You don't need to have gone through trials to have a vow renewal.

View Quoted Comment I agree with that. I'm talking more about how big the event needs to be. Over 100 seems like too much to me for a 10 year, but everyone's different. They can do whatever. I just think it's a bit much for me. If I were to renew my vows after 10 years, it'd probably be more of an intimate smaller setting, just close friends and family.

After 25 years, I'd consider a much larger party more like my wedding, which was significantly larger). Just my opinion. Not saying my sibling can't do this after 10. It's just weird to me. Still love them to death though, and support their renewel.

It’s their business. If they want to do it then they want to do it. Everyone is different

Stop being petty. Either go and celebrate the fact that they've made it to 10 years - many couples don't- or stay home and judge them.

I don’t get why it matters how many people their inviting. If they can afford it, let them be. Go or don’t go. Not everything everyone does has to be what you would do.

They’re***

If a couple wants to celebrate painting their barn green or putting in a garden or any other damned thing, and invite 100 people to be happy with them, at the couple's expense, why not? I do object to invitations to some vow renewals that I have received, or my family members have received, where they want all the trappings of a wedding, and at guest's expense. This includes throwing themselves a shower , with registries they list as having both levels of presents, for the upcoming wedding as well as this shower, to start the next 10 or 15 years with all new household and personal recreation items. I took especial objection to a couple related to my SIL who invited all of the inlaws or all their relatives. We met them once at my brother's wedding 8 years before. They included electronic transfer number to a bank account, and a picture of the speed boat they wanted to buy for their new vacation home. The vow renewal at 25 years WAS a milestone. But us working peons did not wish to give a $200 suggested gift toward the boat, their celebration of having no more kids at home to worry about! Considering all the blatantly rude people out there now, who feel entitled to gifts just for being their wonderful selves, I would consider a couple properly hosting any occasion , with no expectations of gifts or donations, to be great. On a different note, something my mother wisely pointed out when I questioned a huge anniversary at 12 years by family friends, my mom said, you know they struggled financially for years, 4 kids and one with high medical expenses. And they were reluctant to accept invitations to parties, shows, when they knew they could not reciprocate by entertaining others. So maybe, 12 years married, with finances on a good track and kids all healthy and in school, this is a social coming out or debut party. A chance to repay ir reciprocate for all the invitations people still extended to they. And a sign they want a social life as a couple again. The odd 12 year anniversary was a significant time for them, socially.

Thanks everyone.

I really dont have a problem personally with them, or celebrating with whoever. It's not how I would personally go about it, but I am happy they've made it this far.

I am or may not go. Not sure. Would anyone think that, as being this person's only sibling, that I am required to go regardless? Do I have a choice?