Renting Groomsmen?

Do you want to look at your wedding photos in 20 years and see complete strangers that you paid hundreds (or thousands) of dollars to be there? I’m not passing any judgement, and if that’s your priority then you go for it, but I would MUCH rather have pictures with my one or two closest friends than a bunch of people whose last names I don’t even know. Not to mention, won’t your family members think it’s super odd that you have a big group of friends that none of them have ever seen or heard of before?

Wow, I say go for it if thats what you want to do.

I suspect you care about the getting ready with groomsmen pictures and all the jazz bc society pressures us to do this. My FH and I normally reject society expectations and we have decided to not have any bridesmaids nor groomsmen. Best decision ever. No stress and worry about others following through and being reliable

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Yeah, I have thought about the same question. But I've run the idea by my friends and family already too, and if I do follow through, it wouldn't be any secret that they were rented. Not sure if that changes things at all. My original groomsmen have never met my family anyway, so from their perspective, it wouldn't change anything. I'm hoping just more reliable.

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I don't know the reason why, but regardless, it is important to me. Just like people say it takes a village to raise a child, I feel like it takes a village to get married, and I really want to feel that support from every angle in my life.

View Quoted Comment I agree with Caytlyn. Also, the number of groomsmen does not have to match the number of bridesmaids. If your wedding is in 2022, I wouldn't worry about wedding party just yet. You stated that your existing friendships are in fragile states at the moment - are any of those friendships able to be repaired? If so, I would attempt to mend things over the next few months, and see where things lead. Otherwise, you might make new friends over the next year who you'll end up wanting to include in your wedding. If renting groomsmen is still what you want, then I say go for it! Otherwise, you still have time to see where friendships end up before making any decisions.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Your family and friends will wonder who these strangers are.


A huge part of life is playing the cards you're dealt. It's unfortunate that no one was there on your side at any past event but that's how it goes sometimes. Lying to your guests by hiring strangers to pretend they're your closest friends makes it a million times worse at the end of the day.

"It's my dream to be surrounded by a good group of guys and taking getting ready pictures, and bond the week before"


I understand where you're coming from in wanting that bonding experience. And, I could be wrong, but I imagine the want is more related to the people that you would be sharing that experience with, not so much the photo op. I have never looked into the idea of renting a friend so I can't speak to the legitimacy of these websites. However, even if you go forward with it, I don't think you'll feel satisfied when looking back on these pictures. You said you spoke with your friends and family about this idea. Are any of these people close enough for you to ask them to be in your bridal party? Plenty of people also have groomswomen if you have a close female friend or relative who you would want to ask.

View Quoted Comment Okay yes, I'll definitely have to agree to disagree with this. Raising a child is completely different than getting married. Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment between a couple. My wedding will only have our parents present and it will not be any less special compared to a 200 guest wedding.
I gave my feedback, sorry you didn't care for it. I wish you the cery best of luck in this. Xoxo.

Personally I would do anything like that, I wouldn't be spending hundreds on people I don't know just for pictures. Do you have any cousins or other friends? They don't have to be friends of 20 years.


But at the end of the day it's your wedding or you choose to have strangers in your wedding just for picture purposes then go for it. I personally think that it's a waste of money though

You mentioned that you spoke with family and friends about this idea so why can't any of them be in your wedding? My side consisted mostly of family. I also had a bride's man and my husband had a groomswoman so if you have close female friends or relatives they could be on your side. Also, you still have plenty of time so I wouldn't worry about picking new people right this moment. Maybe focus on trying to repair some of the relationships that have been damaged.

I wouldn’t go as far as what you’re thinking. A lot can change in the next year (friendships can be repaired & new friendships can be made) so making that decision really isn’t necessary right now. My fiancé still hasn’t decided on who his best man or groomsmen will be & we’re getting married this April. It’s easier for the men to get ready than the women. You have time- no tush.

“ It's my dream to be surrounded by a good group of guys and taking getting ready pictures, and bond the week before”


Unfortunately, I don’t think this is the experience you will be getting if you attempt to rent groomsmen. What you are describing is bonding between close friends. Rent-a-friends are not going to be spending the weeks leading up to your wedding bonding with you- they are only going to show up when they are contractually obligated to. If you are wanting this male bonding experience during your wedding, paying people to pretend to like you is not the way to achieve it. All you will be accomplishing is having some strangers pose in pictures with you. And, to be brutally honest, I don’t think the pictures are going to be regarded as “cool”; I fear they will come off as desperate and contrived. And I don’t think you will look back on them fondly, because you will know they are fake. This sounds like a paid modeling gig, not a wedding. I’m not sure if maybe you have gotten too wrapped up in social media culture, where having postable photos is the main focus? Photos should not be the main focus of a wedding – it should be enjoying the experience of uniting with your partner. Photos are just a nice way to have memories of that experience. Faking photos would completely negate the entire sentiment. If I were you, I would focus on repairing your actual friendships, as well as being open to cultivating new ones.

Thank you all for the responses.

I guess I should clarify a few things. First, I already asked all of these people to be in the wedding originally. Although I agree with you that it would be too early to ask the groomsmen if we were planning the wedding for the first time in April 2022 - however, this is not the case. I had asked people planning for November 2020, and so the reason in asking today is that I am trying to pick up the pieces and salvage our wedding plans. The damage is already done. Maybe we shouldn't even have another event at all??

Secondly, I do want to emphasize that getting married was the main focus! The best moment of the day was when we got to sneak away and have some time just the two of us. I say all the time that my wife is the one thing that I did right. I may have failed in every other aspect of my life, but I am beyond happy that we are married now.

The reason for posing the question like this is that I want to fill in the gaps of the memories I didn't have. I don't want to make the same mistakes twice. I already "got ready" for my "wedding" once. And even though there was no aisle to walk down or any fanfare like that, it sucked doing it alone. When there was a mishap with my suit, there was no one around for help. When we had to rearrange plans because of new covid restrictions, I was doing it all in a vacuum because I was completely alone for the 24 hours leading up to it. No one to run errands with, and pick up the supplies we needed. We were traditional and did not see each other. The family and friends that I mention talking to were her family and friends after the fact - and it wouldn't be fair of me to steal them away from those memories with my wife. I don't think it's unreasonable to want my own support system too. I also agree quality over quantity, and I do think it would have been entirely different if I just had one person. Just one, that's all. But I got no one.

And lastly, I do feel like I dusted off a lot of old friendships to even ask people the first time. Some of the people I originally asked to be groomsmen were people I haven't talked to in 5+ years. Believe me, if I had other friends or cousins, they were on the short list, and I feel like I've tried. Sure, maybe that's why they didn't show up, but regardless, I would find it hard to get my hopes by asking those same people again.

I hope that helps

View Quoted Comment Honestly even if you didn't get the big reception, your wedding still happened. Right now, focus your energy on embracing your new life with your wife and working on repairing friendships and building new ones at your own pace. Alot of relationships are fragile right so fix those first. Call the rest of it a financial loss due to an act of god. 5/10 or whenever years down the road have a renewal of vows with the pomp and circumstance.

My heart hurts for you. In some ways I see myself in you; you want the experience and the feeling that others have, that you have not.


Do not rent the groomsmen. I think it will leave you feeling hollow. The experience you want comes from having genuine friendships, that is what makes it meaningful - WHO you are surrounded by, not simply that they are there.

View Quoted Comment THIS!!!!!! I agree with this ALL THE WAY!

I agree with Caytlyn 100%. Looking back on my wedding photos, it is nice seeing true friends standing next to you while you say "I do". If I had to look at photos, for the rest of my life, of people I paid to be there, I would not be happy. I know you said your current friendships are fragile, but I think if you and your friends put in a little effort, those relationships can be repaired. Also, just because your wife has 7 or 9 or however many bridesmaids does not mean you need to match that number in groomsman. If you have 1 good friend standing with you, that should be enough.

My fiance has very few friends, so I asked him his advice, as he is having his sister and one other friend stand up for him, but I could have asked six women and wound up limiting myself to three.

He says:

Don't be hasty. Things happen and you have two years to sort this out. You dont' want to ask people too far in advance and you don't know if these relationships can repair themselves in two years, or that other people might come into your life who you might really enjoy and become friends with. You have plenty of time. Concentrate on making friends, evaluate the friendships you might want to rehabilitate, and see where you are in November 2021 when you really need to decide.

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I feel where you're coming from. I really do. The thought of you getting ready for your wedding day alone makes my heart hurt. But if you had reached out to people you hadn't spoken to in 5+ years, are you genuinely all that surprised that they didn't follow through? It doesn't sound like these were really your friends anymore.

Outside-the-box suggestion: what if, in 2022, you and your wife got ready for the wedding together? The way you might get ready for a fancy party together. If her friends and family are also part of your support system, why can't they support you as a unit? The photographer could still capture some of the "standard" shots of her mom zipping up her dress, of someone buttoning your cuff links. And since generally the last thing the bride does is put her dress on, if you really wanted to you guys could keep separate for the last hour or so and maybe her father or brother or someone could leave with you to do "boy stuff" during that time so you don't see her in the dress until she walks down the aisle. I agree with everyone else that by renting groomsmen you are probably not going to get the emotionally fulfilling experience you are seeking.