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Just Said Yes April 2022

Renting Groomsmen?

Zachary, on November 30, 2020 at 4:16 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 21

I have an unusual situation, and wanted to poll the community to get a second opinion and maybe any advice how I could handle this better. There are a couple of moving parts, so please bear with me. #1 I am a groom, and was recently married in November 2020. However, my wife and I are now starting...

I have an unusual situation, and wanted to poll the community to get a second opinion and maybe any advice how I could handle this better. There are a couple of moving parts, so please bear with me.

#1 I am a groom, and was recently married in November 2020. However, my wife and I are now starting to re-plan our wedding in April 2022. We are another couple who also planned a big wedding prior to COVID, and had to cancel like many couples on here. Our mistake (which we thought was a good idea at the time) was prepaying for all of our vendors ahead of time (didn't want to stress about finances leading up to the wedding). But what basically happened is that we still signed the marriage license on our original date, and are legally married, but we did not have a wedding in any form. We still want a wedding, and our vendors won't let us cancel our contracts without losing money. But we are fortunate that they are letting us roll over the date indefinitely - thinking April 2022 right now. So right now, we have a full cookie cutter wedding with vendors waiting on us to just tell them the revised date.

#2 For our certificate signing, this year, we still decided to invite close friends in hopes that the day wouldn't be a complete bust. Long story short, my wife had about 10 people come, we had a picnic lunch outdoors, and on my side, I had no one. I had invited the people who were originally supposed to be my groomsman and ushers, and all of them backed out 3 days before. The reasons were also not COVID related (some of them literally just ghosted me, some told me this idea we had is stupid, some simply didn't want to come). Yes, there were others who notified me weeks in advance due to COVID, and I am understanding about that. But my spirit and soul were crushed on the day I actually got married because I felt so incredibly lonely and like my lack of support was all my fault. In the end, I sent a group message to these people to let them know my feelings, which led to a huge fight, and some have now even blocked all communication with me for the time being.

#3 Looking forward, the reason for my post is that I am trying to make the best of the situation for the 2022 wedding. It's my dream to be surrounded by a good group of guys and taking getting ready pictures, and bond the week before, and maybe I care about this stuff more than most men. But every single one of my existing friendships currently lies somewhere between fragile and severed completely. It's hard for me to trust that I won't be let down again, and it's hard knowing that no matter how hard I try, I can't build the 20 year friendships my wife has with her bridemaids when I am starting from scratch in 15-16 months. It's obviously difficult to meet new friends during a pandemic. In the last 6 months, I happen to have moved and started a new job. And so honestly, I am feeling most hopeful about the idea of renting groomsman to stand beside me for the day. I have found a few sites such as https://www.groomsmanforhire.com/ or Rent-A-Friend, and I am wondering if any of these are sketchy / legitimate / any reviews at all? Or maybe you all will have another idea how I could approach it?

And of course, thank you in advance!

21 Comments

  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    Hi Zachary,
    I do have to say, as a fellow Covid-couple, DO NOT cancel the big wedding in April. Yes, we got married legally, and it is easy for couples who got married before Covid hit to tell you that the wedding isn’t the most important part. But they got to have their day as they originally planned. We had the misfortune to choose 2020 as our wedding year, and we shouldn’t have to give up that huge life milestone because of it.

    As for renting groomsmen, wait a while. Some of your “friends” may realize that their actions were really terrible and apologize. If I were you, I would cut the ones who told you getting legally married was stupid off for forever though, as how is getting married stupid? You may also make new friends at work before 2022. To fill those voids, you could always ask your wife’s bridesmaids S.O.s to be groomsmen/women. They could be partnered with their S.O.s and there would be no awkwardness of walking down the aisle or taking photos with a stranger! Plus, if they were married or engaged, they are people you may already know and wouldn’t be total strangers posing with you for a paycheck.
    I’m the first to say making new friends is hard. Most of my close friends live out of state, and Covid makes it harder. You’ll figure it out! Remember, wedding parties don’t have to be even! Good luck!
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