rsvp "b-list"

Why would you invite more people than your venue can accommodate? It seems incredibly rude and inconsiderate of you to try and remove these "B-List" people even though it seems that you've already invited them and want to keep them from RSVPing, especially with your comments of "if they find out what our website is".

View Quoted Comment I think you misunderstood. I haven’t sent out anything to any of our guest yet. I am getting ready to send save the dates for our wedding on 7/30/22 which will have our website listed. I only plan on sending save the dates to our A-list guests. Most of the people on the B-list are extended family members and understand why we can’t invite them initially. Also 90% of our guests will be traveling from out of state. So given what most websites say about destination weddings we are expecting a lot of our guests will be RSVPing that they can’t make it. In which case we will invite those extended family members that I’ve added to the B-list. That all being said I’m worried some might not understand and assume they are invited even after not getting an invite. I’m trying to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings which is why I’m asking my question. I’d obviously love if I had an unlimited budget and could invite a lot more people but that’s not the case so I’m trying to be anything but rude.

When you say 150 max is that the maximum of the event space or is that the maximum with COVID restrictions? I see your wedding isn't until 2022 so I hope all COVID restrictions will be lifted. Because if that is the max I agree I would not invite 40 more than max, maybe 20 more than max tops. There will always be people who you thought will come, but can't come for some reason.

I'm not a fan of the B-List approach, if you can't invite the guests you want then I say find a bigger venue or cut the list. . .but just my opinion

As a side note, your venue capacity also generally includes your vendors (wait staff, etc. plus you and fiance).


You will find many posts on here admonishing B-lists. As much work as it was, I think you should delete any "B-listers" on your RSVP page lest they discover it and wonder why they never got an invite.

View Quoted Comment The venue has a 150 max capacity normally. I honestly didn’t want a big wedding but our families were looking forward to celebrating too much. So picking a venue with a max capacity helped contain it from getting out of hand. I actually agree with not liking the B-list approach as well. So I’m not comfortable with this at all. But honestly this is one of those things were I feel like I’m being pulled in multiple directions but I can’t make everyone happy. Not removing them to avoid this was also me being pulled.


I’m just going to delete them off the guest list for now and save the information in a spreadsheet in case anything changes.

View Quoted Comment The venues space is only large enough for seating for 150. We could rent a tent if we wanted a larger guest list so it doesn’t include vendors. But thanks for the heads up!


I’m going to just remove them. As I wrote in a response to another comment. I’m feeling like I’m being pulled in multiple directions with this guest list and trying to make everyone happy. So I tried finding a solution to not remove them but it doesn’t seem like there is one.

View Quoted Comment

You're not going to make everyone happy. Concentrate on what makes you and your FS happy (as far as things that don't impinge on guest experience - ie you need to have food, beverages, a seat for every behind, etc.).

View Quoted Comment Please ignore Samantha's comment. What you wrote was perfectly clear most people understand what a b list is before making a jusgement about it and understand that you had not mailed out the b lists. Most of us have to make sacrifices and you should not have to justify that on here. The best you can do is wait and see I read somewhere that destinations invites can be mailed out up to 3-4 months in advance. Then put a short rsvp timeline, call and verify with hold outs and then send b list and you should be fine. I would have parents, or whichever family memebrt you are close who would most likely talk to the extended family make statements of beautiful but small limited capacity venue ect. So it hints to people that it may have to be immediate family only and then they are not expecting an invitation and will feel honored if and when one arrives.

View Quoted Comment I apologize for misunderstanding the situation. I'd delete the B-List and continue with planning your wedding, especially if they discover your website and start questioning things. Again, I do apologize for misunderstanding the situation.

Just an idea here...... can you do something small and unique (and cheap) for your "B" list people after you return from your honeymoon? I have a whole group of "B's" (about 35 people) who totally get that they can't be included in the "real deal", so we are doing a small happy hour event with them a week later.

View Quoted Comment That’s fine, no worries!

I would remove the info for your B-list guests from your wedding website and store it in a private spreadsheet, then individually add your B-list guests back on to your website RSVP list as spots for them open up and an invite is actually extended. I know its a lot of work but that is the only way I would trust that they wouldn't accidentally get a message or access to something that isn't yet intended for them.