rsvp etiquette-when is too early to ask for a response?

If it's a local wedding (not destination), I feel like what I've seen from people is asking for it a week before your hard count deadline.
So if your caterer needs it a week from the date do it two weeks out - my venue needed it 30 days so I asked for it about 38 days out.
A week is hopefully enough to follow up with the stragglers.

Find out when you have to give a count to your caterer/venue, and then set the RSVP deadline at least 1-2 weeks before that, just to give yourself time to track down anyone who forgot to RSVP, total everything up, etc.

I put my deadline 30 days before my headcount was due... but i know how my fiance's family is about these things so I needed to make sure I had time to get in touch with everyone on the list. I also think it depends on how many people you have.

I gave my guests two weeks out. All my head counts were only due a week to a couple days out so I would have a week to hunt people down and get their responses. My guests are pretty good about that so I’m not worried. If you know they aren’t good about it give yourself more time to hunt down their response if need be.

I did mine a month before the event date. The cater didnt need to know until 2 weeks before so it gave me more than enough time to contact people i did not hear from.

I put mine around a month before my final counts were due too just because for sure there are late responders and just enough time for myself to get things settled

We’re having a US destination wedding and went with 5 weeks, giving us 1 week before final reservations were due and allowing for late arriving mail.


My rule of thumb is always 2 weeks before final numbers for local events

I was making and diy-ing alot of my wedding favors and table centerpieces so I had early RSVP that was almost 2 months before, but I had to purchase materials and assemble so needed to know quantities needed in advance. Most people complied since I had online RSVP and then I didn't follow up with undecided until a little farther out.

We're having a local wedding (big wedding with all the bells and whistles) and I'm asking for RSVPs 6 weeks early.

6 weeks out people should know if they will be coming or not save for any last minute cancellations for legitimate reasons.

Personally, I know that not everyone will RSVP on time and that we will need to chase them so I want to leave enough time before we need to confirm numbers.

It's important to understand that if you set the date "too early" guests may think it's too early and ignore you. Just because a couple wants to know early doesn't mean their guests can or will tell them early. Generally, unless it is a destination wedding involving significant/international travel for all guests, it's best to choose a date that is 7-10 days before your final numbers are due and typically not more than 30 days before the wedding date. Especially if Covid is still an issue (which for this December I'd definitely expect it to be), that alone may make guests uneasy about committing any earlier than they absolutely have to. There haven't been a lot of posts about it recently (I guess because there are so many more pressing issues), but in the past there have been lots of posts from brides who set their RSVP date 6 weeks or more in advance only to have 1) a super low RSVP rate and/or 2) people who gave them an answer by the "due date," but later changed their minds so the initial numbers were meaningless. Daughter's wedding was in January 2019. She stuck to the typical recommendation and sent her invitations Thanksgiving week -- exactly 8 weeks before the wedding and set the RSVP date for Christmas Day (3 weeks before the wedding and 10 days before her final numbers were due). Despite everything happening "in the middle of the holidays," on the due date she only had 3 households (9 people) who had not responded. She followed with those and had her final numbers two days later. All her RSVPs were online and the whole process was super easy, and she had no changes or no-shows. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment This. There is no reason to have it earlier than that, when invites are sent out 6-8 weeks before the wedding. Tracking people down doesn't have to be time consuming or difficult.

View Quoted Comment Many workplaces do not finally approve leave or issue work schedules until 24-28 days out. Mostly local, you will not have to worry about travelers, but any of the millions who work some part of weekends may have trouble Rsvp by that far out. Or it may not apply to your guests. Relatives are having their wedding on our farm, since we have everything they need, no problem. But of invited guests, 48 of 130 work weekends , lots of medical and retail. So some may not get the days off, which means their SO or family cannot come. But my cousin sent out RSVP for 5 weeks out and is very upset that though everyone contacted her, over 40 still do not have work schedules, or time off approval. It is now 5 weeks. .

View Quoted Comment It depends by region I guess. In Australia we have a top of the class employment scheme and if anything the more notice you give your employment for leave (if you need it to attend a wedding) the better. I can give notice now for next year and it would be approved. Interesting comparison to America I guess.

My coordinator asked for 45 days. All guests are having to travel 3 hours. Final count is due 2 week before